To be called lucky an insult?

[newmum2018385]

I think I am overthinking this too much but just wondered what others thought. Do you find the word lucky insulting? As in you don't deserve what you have. Two examples a man at my work use to tell me my DH was lucky to have me. I didn't like it as I felt he was saying DH was not good enough for me. This man has since been sacked btw nothing to do with me he was a sleaze with a lot of women.
Also recently someone who clearly wants a baby told me I was lucky to have my baby. Again it kind of felt like she was saying I didn't deserve my DD somehow.
AIBU to find the work lucky insulting?
Know this is abit of a non issue.

Depends what it’s about.

We are lucky to have a gorgeous healthy DS with another on the way who will hopefully be the same.

I am lucky to work for a family friendly flexible employer. I’m not lucky to be doing the job I have - I worked very hard for it doing jobs and overtime that others wouldn’t.

Same applies to getting pregnant. Some women will make a lot of effort, make choices that other will refuse to do.
Eg they might loose weight, overall their whole diet p, stop smoking/drinking etc..
And that is what is allowing then to get pregnant.
Whereas another couple might decide not to bother....
One couple might decide to go for a private IVF and use all their savings/take a loan. Whereas a nother couple won’t.
So yet again a mix of luck and hard choices and efforts

Sorry, that is just bollocks. There is no way of knowing it was the couple’s lifestyle choices that enabled them to conceive or whether it was just coincidence, or luck. I wasn’t overweight when ttc but I knew lots of overweight women who had no trouble conceiving at all. Similarly a couple might spend all their money on IVF and still have no baby at the end of it.

I was extremely lucky to be born into a first world country. I have to remind myself of this whenever I feel that things aren’t going my way.
Theres a difference between reminding yourself and being reminded by others who are arguably as privilidged as you are!

No it isn't an insult at all. It is because, whatever situation that you are in, you are lucky to be, because no matter how hard people work, those in totally incongruent situations would not be in your position despite working hard.
I have a disability. I was previously high achieving and a high flyer in my field. I was called lucky and felt like you. Except now I get it. Because I look at younger, healthier people like me and think they are lucky. That they have the health to allow them to be high flying.
I am not bitter, but they are. No matter how hard they have worked. I cannot work that hard anymore, it is physically impossible.

I really get where you are coming from. DH’s aunt came to our house for the first time recently, and told me what a ‘lucky girl’ I am to have house/life I do (I work PT). Her implication was absolutely that I am spoilt, and that I landed on my feet with DH.

I am well aware that I am privileged to be white, straight, educated and healthy, and I try hard to never forget that. But a lot of what we have now is down to choices and sacrifices that we BOTH made earlier in our lives. Also, I’m in my 40s, and not a girl.

DH’s brother (her favoured nephew) had the same start in life, but made a number of bad choices (ones that he blames on the world being against him). He’s just been ‘so unlucky’, of course.

My ILs told DP and me that we were 'lucky" and that DP's sister was "unlucky".

What they meant was we studied at school, went to uni, worked hard and got good degrees, got good careers, scrimped and saved to buy a house, worked hard and got promotions, didn't attempt to have children until we were financially stable...

SIL on the other hand didn't want to go to school so bunked off, got pregnant, didn't want a job, lived with her Ps, had several more children by various fathers and whines a lot about having no money.

I took it as an insult. We worked hard for what we have. I don't want praise, it's my life, but I don't want insults either!

Please don't take it as an insult, as someone who has failed to conceive with my husband, it is a blessing what you have achieved, but some don't communicate your achievement as such. I am overjoyed for you. It hasn't happened for us, but I would never wish that on others. I feel like our adoption journey was meant to be and we truly will do good, as well as meeting our own needs for a family. When people say 'lucky' they probably mean without complications, please don't flame them for this, please give them support, it's really hard knowing you can't do what you are supposed to do (biologically), it is tough. I know this was only half of your post btw. But also, would I swap my life for anyone else's? - hell no, we are just fine, I've been lucky in other ways and by other means! And that means we can really make a difference to children not biological to us. All of us are different, and all of us view 'luck' very differently.

The kinda people who say it in such a way that they think you need to be TOLD how lucky you are are also the kind of self absorbed twats who think nobody but them have crosses to bear

What SpringHen said

You are lucky, some women can not have children and will never have them. Your lucky you've been able to get pregnant and carry a baby to term.

Some people struggle with intimacy, and it makes relationships difficult.

Some people can not afford a house, your lucky your circumstances allow.

I think your over thinking it.

Surly like most words it can be used in different contexts.
You can also read into something that isn't meant.
Someone can think a word is more positive than someone else.

I'd say the comment can sound a bit resentful sometimes.

I got told I was lucky by a work colleague and a relative. I was told later on that the same people had insinuated that I'd either traded sexual favours or that I'd only got the position as I'd brown nosed my boss.

The comments about me being lucky totally minimises all the hours of unpaid overtime I put in, taking on extra work due to staff shortages and doing what I was supposed to be doing. I got on well with the boss because he trusted me to do my job and cover for others.

My colleague left at 5 everyday and was awkward about doing things not in her job specification. Her boss didn't like her. My relative is a work-shy entitled dick that puts in zero effort.

I feel very lucky to have a child. I had multiple miscarriages and my daughter was premature and in the SCBU at the hospital for a while. My daughter had a very good chance of survival - other babies alongside her didn't.

I get annoyed when I'm complaining about my daughter (she is hard work possibly caused by problems when she was born) and a childless friend berates me for it as I'm so lucky to have her - yes, I am lucky but that doesn't mean I can't complain when she's being difficult!

You are lucky, some women can not have children and will never have them Gee I bet that never occurred to the OP in the two years it took her to concieve

I think I've been incredibly lucky and fortunate in my life. I had parents who loved me unconditionally and ensured I had an excellent education. They were wealthy enough to support me financially in training for my career and they helped me with a deposit for my first house. I was lucky enough to meet my lovely DH, who luckily has exceptionally nice parents and I was also lucky enough not to have any major difficulties having kids. None of this takes away from the fact that I worked hard at school / career / raising kids. But it would be inaccurate to attribute my current (happy) financial / family circumstances to my hard work alone.

My guess is we are all very lucky in many, many ways and we do well to remember or be reminded of that. It’s not an insult at all.

I think people are 'lucky' to have children because it's a game if chance - no skill or hard work involved.

I don't think people are generally lucky to have a career/good income/nice house. There's definitely an element of luck (and depends when you were born!) but as pp said, also influenced by dedication and hard work.

Yabu. Luck plays a huge factor in determining people's outcomes.

The OP THINKS SHE IS LUCKY
She just doesnt like being TOLD pointedly that she should think herself lucky..

My mum always tells me I'm lucky to have such lovely children. I smile but can't help thinking she clearly thinks it has nothing to do with my child rearing!

Some people work really hard all their lives and get nowhere. Some people work really hard and get everything they want in life. The difference between the two is mostly luck.

I think some people are too easily offended.

But people who outwardly present as lucky are often the ones who have been through the mill more than most

And people who whinge about how lucky everyone else is have very little understanding of real hardship and have themselves been offered life on a plate but still feel unsatisfied and bitter towards people who didnt let said opportunities pass them by...

My friends who have suffered the most dont go around education others about how lucky they are. Ive known a few entitled spoilt brats who do though

I think it's used as an insult too. It implies people haven't worked hard to get where they are, haven't made good choices etc.

It's a lazy way of saying "I would like one element of your life, without taking all the shit that got you there".

My friend is a widow and her mortgage was paid off when her husband died. A mutual friend recently told my widowed friend she was lucky to own her home. Friend was politely reminded of the heartache that happened to get it to that point. No harm was meant, it was a careless comment.

No one is wishing Ill of you, what a bizarre thought process. As you had difficulty conceiving yourself you'd think you'd have some empathy for someone who is obviously struggling with their own fertility. You tried to have your child for 2 years and now you have one. That makes you lucky.