To be called lucky an insult?

[newmum2018385]

I think I am overthinking this too much but just wondered what others thought. Do you find the word lucky insulting? As in you don't deserve what you have. Two examples a man at my work use to tell me my DH was lucky to have me. I didn't like it as I felt he was saying DH was not good enough for me. This man has since been sacked btw nothing to do with me he was a sleaze with a lot of women.
Also recently someone who clearly wants a baby told me I was lucky to have my baby. Again it kind of felt like she was saying I didn't deserve my DD somehow.
AIBU to find the work lucky insulting?
Know this is abit of a non issue.

Sometimes it is meant as a compliment to the circumstances,l...I can't explain what I mean, but say someone came round and saw we had a new car for example and said "oooh aren't you Lucky", I would interpret them as meaning "what a nice car", as against "you haven't worked for that, what luck you have it".

Normally it is just something said to indicate positive feelings towards something.

Depends on the context but I know what you are saying.

I am lucky to have children (as in fortunate that I could have them).

I am not 'lucky' to have a good job, necessarily. I worked extremely hard and made a lot of sacrifices to get my qualifications. I work extremely long hours and put a lot into being successful at what I do.

I have worked really hard (I am in a pro job. Have my own money, married to the most amazing man...) but it didn't result in a baby! So what is 'lucky' and who deserves 'luck'. You don't get what you deserve, it's a lottery. But we are very blessed in other ways, we are adopting, and life styles, money etc.., really are not a consideration...we are in a very, very 'lucky' position. I wouldn't change anything, my uterus may be rubbish, but as a couple we are spot on, and we could make another child's life a whole lot better.

I understand this completely.

My ex sil was a very jealous person.

She was the type who would walk into your house and knew if you had so much as a new mug. Then it would be " where is that from? " and her favourite question " how much? "

She always said I was lucky. Lucky I have a nice home to be exact. It's nothing special at all but to her I was lucky.

I have a chronic health condition and am 40. Have spent the last 13 years of my life in severe pain and reliant on a ton of medication. Hardly lucky.

She's too ignorant to realise that if she had say won the lottery, she could have bought a much nicer house than mine. If I had won the lottery I could also have bought a bigger/nicer house but would still have my health problems.

I can't stand jealous people!

overthinking... Britain has such rife culture of envy place that folk imagine envy even in chitchat remarks. Moreover, any real envy is the problem of the envier, nobody else's problem.

A memory popped into my head, I just met a woman who said her 16m old wasn't walking yet. "Oh a bit late!" I said (knowing 13m is 'average'). I couldn't understand why she frowned. It takes me 13 yrs to figure out she thought I was criticising. Reality = Mine was an idle fricking chitchat throwaway remark.

If you really think someone saying you're lucky that you are pregnant is them wishing ill in you, you really need to take a step back and look at your own mental processes

If you really think someone saying you're lucky that you are pregnant is them wishing ill in you, you really need to take a step back and look at your own mental processes

Bollocks. Words can be loaded:

"My bloody boilers broken"
"Well, youre lucky you have a house, some people dont have houses you know..."

Vs

"Got that job"
"Oh you lucky thing, well done you must be so proud!"

I prefer it a thousand times over the self-satisfied 'blessed' which is a)totally meaningless unless you're genuinely religious and b) seems to imply 'god' isn't very keen on those people who don't have all the luck you do.

Some people are without a doubt born luckier than others. Luck brings opportunity not just hard work.

Then there are lucky people I have known one or two if they slipped in shit, they would stand smelling of roses.

I think lucky can be an insult. An example:

Jim: I lost an leg in an accident
Mary: You are lucky, my uncle Joe lost both of his legs. Count yourself lucky you are alive.

Anybody know the four Yorkshiremen Scetch and how they always say everything is luxury? Some people remind me of this.

OTOH I think I am very lucky to have my dh and I hope he is lucky to have me and I actually do like it when people tell me... and I was lucky to have my kids. Some people are infertile.

Oh you're lucky to be slim.

It's not about luck, it's about managing what I eat!

halfwitpicker I am skinny and I eat a lot of crap. Actually I wish I had more curves but it is not how I look.

I think fatshaming is a bit prejudiced. Some people are fat because they have thyroid issues or are on medication or are unhappy with their lifes and overeat, or had to quit an active lifestyle because of disability or whatever I think it is really bad for their selfesteem when you tell them they are not disciplined.

YANBU.

I want to slap each and every person who tells me I'm lucky my children slept through and behave so well. No not 'lucky', not 'good babies' I worked damn hard to make sure my kids were in a routine and behave themselves. I spent so long creating boundaries and enforcing them, deciding on routines to make sure DC weren't over hungry or over tired. Kept to my guns when it would have been easier to bail out. Stopped mid way though coffee dates and supermarket shops to take my children home when other mums were giving me evils for not handing my kids a cookie for them to shut up. Made sure my house wasn't cluttered with baby toys and my children knew how to be independent and clean up their own mess. I am not lucky I am a blood good mother!!

lijkk - the lady whose dc wasn't walking at 16 months might equally have been frowning because she also thought it was a bit late and it tapped into her own fears. To be honest it does sound a bit critical - 16 months is only a little bit late so hardly worth saying it, parents get anxious about these things so when someone says something that taps into that it's hard to hear your (possibly unvoiced/not admitted) own thoughts out loud from someone else. Makes it more real instead of inside your head.

I would have thought "that's a bit late". I would have said "I bet you'll find him running laps of the kitchen next week!" or something lighthearted like that. Equally as throwaway but less likely to be construed as critical which (tbh) your remark could have sounded.

Pegashush - how old are your DCs now?

YABU.

For god’s sake, talk about making an issue out of nothing.

I’m lucky to own my own home, have tertiary qualifications and be fit & healthy. I also worked for all of those things, to an extent. They are part luck and part work. Like many, many things in life.

I do not see the problem with someone saying I’ve had luck in some areas of life. Honestly, what is the issue??

Bollocks. Words can be loaded
Absolutely but someone desperate to get pregnant telling someone who has a child they're lucky to have one isn't likely to be implying and I hope they take her away or and I hope a tree lands on your head. She is likely jealous, there's a slim chance she's critical and implying given O's parenting that she's lucky she's ""still"" got her but do I really think the comment suggests she's wishing ill on Op? Not without sounding paranoid

There is luck involved with pretty much everything. Even being able to 'work hard' is easier for some people so luck is involved there to.

I think it can be mixed, I don’t think think it’s negative.

I’ve been told I’m very lucky to have the job that I do. But equally I worked hard, knew what I wanted to do and planned how to get there. There was still an element of luck involved though that the right opportunity came up. I do work very hard at it though.

I’ve been told I’m lucky to have a boy and a girl. I guess that is luck, although I never really cared and would have felt equally lucky with two the same sex!

I’ve been told I’m lucky to have DH - I never take this to mean I’m punching above my weight though!

My mum always tells me I'm lucky to have such lovely children. I smile but can't help thinking she clearly thinks it has nothing to do with my child rearing!

DD is a relatively easy child and I do think luck has a large part to do with it. I’m not saying I’m a crap parent, just that I see other people struggling with difficult situations and am extremely grateful that I have not been tested in ways they have.

I have been a victim of DV and didn’t have the best childhoods but I only have to look at what’s happening in Syria and I think, f*, I’m so damn lucky.

pegashush no words

But this reminds me of something my sil said years ago, she is quite well off and when another mum at the school gate commented that she was lucky to be going on another holiday again (think several carribean cruises plus 4/5 other holidays per year at the time) sil replied "well if you work hard, anyone can have it" really my bin man can afford 6 holidays a year?? Week in week out I watch the bin crew work hard but I doubt this is rewarded richly. Interestingly though sil hadn't considered herself lucky, just deserving even though she worked 1 day a week on minimum wage

I think its rudest when its said about jobs etc..as it doesn't acknowledge your hard work.

I think people are usually trying to say it to be complementary about a spouse.

With babies yes any of us who have them are extremely fortunate...however it isn't your fault that someone else doesnt have a baby. I can understand people saying lucky in this context though

My sisters have lots of children and my older relatives tell me a lot how lucky I am to have one child and how easy my life must be compared to them, and how lucky I am to be doing activities with her which are easier and cheaper etc.

It's like it dismisses choices which have been made, reasoning and takes responsibility away from the people who are not so 'lucky.'

I realise they don't mean it like this at all but it really annoys me. It also means I can never complain as nothing could possibly be as bad as what they are going through!

ohlittlepea do you not think that a child encouraged and supported to go to university that provides a better career path and will offer increased income is not luckier than the child in care who at 18 is expected to support his or herself. The graduate will have worked hard without question, but surely the path to that good job is subject to luck as well as hard work?

Personally, I am lucky I have kids, a great dh a car, house and job. Much of this is based on luck as well as hard work!

I don't believe in luck. The good things that happen to me are huge blessings and I am very fortunate but don't perceive it as "luck".