To be called lucky an insult?

[newmum2018385]

I think I am overthinking this too much but just wondered what others thought. Do you find the word lucky insulting? As in you don't deserve what you have. Two examples a man at my work use to tell me my DH was lucky to have me. I didn't like it as I felt he was saying DH was not good enough for me. This man has since been sacked btw nothing to do with me he was a sleaze with a lot of women.
Also recently someone who clearly wants a baby told me I was lucky to have my baby. Again it kind of felt like she was saying I didn't deserve my DD somehow.
AIBU to find the work lucky insulting?
Know this is abit of a non issue.

It's just a turn of phrase but honestly some people are more fortunate than others. I don't necessarily call it luck but if you are born to loving, caring parents who have enough money to feed you, keep you well, take you to activities, clothe you nicely, etc., then you're having a better start that someone who is born into absolute poverty. That's not through your own efforts.

Some people aren't able to have children. I feel very fortunate that I have three beautiful children. Not everything in life is down to you.

Totally agree icky. This cartoon really resonated with me:

www.upworthy.com/a-short-comic-gives-the-simplest-most-perfect-explanation-of-privilege-ive-ever-seen

I think it depends on who says it and in what context tbh op

I think it can be insulting. Like I heard a friend of mine had said I was lucky with the job I had at the time. Er no, I worked really hard to get that job.

But on the other hand I reflect on my life and feel lucky about certain things.

Even if you see it as an insult, OP, it’s a big jump from that to them ill wishing you!

It's getting to the point where communication between adults is impossible...every fucker wants to be offended about everything.

How narcissistic to think "you're lucky" is some kind of dig at you.

A good job is as much luck as hard work, unless you're going to suggest everyone that didn't get your job isn't as "hard working" as you?!

This whole "I'm a victim/I am so important everything said to me is loaded with significance" is utterly abhorant.

OP (and everyone agreeing) the simple fact of the matter is most people don't give the faintest shit about you. "You're lucky" was just something to say to fill a gap in the conversation so agnosing over it to the point of starting an internet thread smacks of self-obsession.

Nope, I get cross about people saying I am lucky about certain things (usually that I'm lucky to be in the careers I am in, or that I have my house).

I'm lucky because I was born into a nice family and because they gave me the skills to 'get on' and because I was in a position to do so and wasn't born with illness or disability etc.

I'm not lucky because I have 2 good careers, I worked hard for those and anyone with the aptitude could have as good a career as me, I'm nothing special. It's not like there is only one job in my field. I'm similarly not lucky because I bought my house, I saved and sacrificed a lot for it.

Often I think people say it's luck because they would like what I have, but they don't want to admit they could make the same sacrifices and get the same result so they say it is totally luck (and if they were only as lucky they could have what I have but they wouldn't have to change their lifestyle etc).

Depends on context. Eg I was a young, skint, lone parent with a shit childhood myself. I'm now in a much improved situation to many who were in the same situation. If they call me lucky then I think that's pretty fair, I had opportunities to get to where I am that they didn't. If someone who had equal or more opportunity told me I was lucky I'd think fuck off, I worked for where I am.

There was a long process to getting a job and it was notoriously hard to get through.

When I did, a relative told another to let me know I was "very lucky" to have got the job.

I told her to pass back it was nothing to do with luck. I was what they were looking for.

Lots of things are down to luck or helped by it, even if you also worked very hard.

The only time it annoys me is when people say that I’m lucky to have such well behaved children but only because IME it’s usually said by a parent who is currently giving into a tantrum or enabling bad behaviour.

I don't view it as an insult at all and use it to describe my situation in life quite a lot. I'm well aware the very comfortable and stable place I find myself in is, in large part, little to do with me, who I am as a person or decisions I've made. It's down to factors such as parents, education and some inherited money. Obviously I've had to work and make good choices but much of what I have is down to the 'luck' of my genetics and the people I've been surrounded by.
I don't for a minute believe that I'm not deserving of my 'lucky' life but I know there are many others who have it much harder who are just as deserving.
The way you feel suggests more about your opinion of yourself than other peoples opinion I would say.

Some things are down to luck. Having a baby - as PPs have pointed out - is one of them. You are lucky to have your baby. That doesn't mean you don't deserve her - as we all know babies don't get given to those who deserve them most, that's not how it works. It's luck. And her pointing that out certainly doesn't mean she is wishing you ill.

The guy just sounds like a sleaze to be honest. Unless there is good evidence to support it, then telling someone their partner is lucky to have them is usually either meant as a joke or meant to stir up trouble.

When I was in my first year of uni, I was told by another student that I was lucky to have less work to do than her. I was a single parent to a 1 year old and had stayed up late most evenings to do said work.

A baffling way to think!

Having opportunities is one thing, actually taking them and making the best use of them is another.
The opportunity can be said to be down to luck and have nothing to do with you.
But the taking the opportunity an making th best out of it is about you as a person.

I dint think it’s good to dimish our successes and put them just down to luck. Luck alone can not explain most of people successes.

The reality is that it’s a mix. Luck to have supportive families or to be at the right place at the right time. But behind that, you also have some hard work, choices, sometimes hard to make etc...

Eg when I look at my parents, they have done well financially, starting from nothing. They were lucky to be born in families that allowed them some education (even though my dad was basically told to just ‘get a job’ as soon as turned 18yo despite his parents beeen able to support him through further education etc...)
But after that, their success has always been a mix of hard work choices, savings (A LOT of savings and being extremely careful with money even when they actually were earning a confortable wage) etc...
Whensome people chose to have a more confortable house and a hols, they chose to stay at home and spend as little as possible.

So now, they do have a very confortable pensions and lots of assets. Because they made the choices that other people didn’t do.
And there was a bit of luck too (not being ill for example which allowed them both to work until retirement)

Same applies to getting pregnant. Some women will make a lot of effort, make choices that other will refuse to do.
Eg they might loose weight, overall their whole diet p, stop smoking/drinking etc..
And that is what is allowing then to get pregnant.
Whereas another couple might decide not to bother....
One couple might decide to go for a private IVF and use all their savings/take a loan. Whereas a nother couple won’t.
So yet again a mix of luck and hard choices and efforts.

It doesn’t imply you don’t deserve it at all. It just recognises that some other people who are equally deserving don’t have those things. It’s about appreciating that we don’t all get what we deserve or work for due to factors beyond our control, and that you are lucky in that it has worked out for you.

I agree with @cardibach.

To have a nice life you need a combination of luck and hard work and good decision-making.

To be in the right position to make good decisions is a kind of luck in itself.

I also find that people who deny the role of luck in their lives can be very unempathetic.

It's human nature to want to think that people get what they deserve. This allows us to take credit for our own achievements and not feel bad for people who do not have as nice lives as we have (they clearly didn't work hard enough). It also saves us from the fear that something bad might happen to us at any time (if we just follow the rules and work hard and do the right thing everything will be fine - won't it?)

@TabbyMack why are you so aggressive? It happened a good few weeks ago and someone else brought it up today so had me thinking. I sometimes start threads about not necessarily important topics just to see what others think. Also it's a way for me to chat to others. Don't mind actually agree reading the comments that it probably isn't a insult/ depends on context I guess.

I don't believe in luck, so I get f*cked off if people use it.

If it's fair to tell someone they are lucky to have a baby, isn't it okay to tell someone they are simply unlucky for not having one??

Sometimes people notice their peer's good luck more than they notice their hard work or sound judgement - often out of insecurity.
But it does take all three to be mostly happy.

I have a lovely life. I do work hard (in time terms), but in a job that interests me and I've always enjoyed working, right through from school, so hard work doesn’t feel terrifically hard to me. It probably helps that I’m quite academic, so have experienced much more success than failure in school/work. I’ve got two lovely DDs who are relatively easy kids. I find it hard to see any of this as anything other than luck. I think it’s importantly for me to recognise this - as the cartoon littlepeas linked to - the luck I’ve had in being born into my family and as I am makes me hugely privileged.

I don't like being told I am lucky. To me it sounds like you got things you are not worthy of and as if you haven't made any effort.

People just use it to mean fortunate or blessed. I wouldn't take offence.

Maybe I was sensitive to the baby one as it took me 2 years to conceive DD. I do feel extremely lucky to have her but don't like the thought of

So the answer to..your lucky to have DD is..."Yes, I/we are very very lucky to have her"

I don't think I've ever told someone else they're lucky. I often feel that I am lucky and might say so, but I wouldn't point out that someone else was. So I think you must be right, subconsciously I know it's not "polite" to say it

Saying someone is lucky can be used in an insulting way, as can they are privileged. Personally I wouldn't use either term but I certainly do acknowledge that I have been very fortunate in my life and many people do not have the advantages I have through no fault of their own, just different circumstances.

I don't think people are in general 'lucky' to conceive children. The vast majority of people get pregnant without any particular trouble or effort, sometimes when they are actively trying not to have children. To me it's more that those who have fertility problems have been dealt a poor hand (assuming that the reasons for their infertility are out of their control).

When it comes to things like whether or not it's lucky to have a good partner I think people should be a little careful. Sure some people make obviously bad choices (although there will often be underlying reasons why) but others choose carefully and think they get it all right only to have their partner apparently change character a few years down the line and do things no one would have thought likely. Abuse for example can sometimes only begin after pregnancy or birth of children. It's an unpleasant sort of victim blaming to tell the abused partner that they should have predicted their abuse and chosen better.