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AIBU?

People who don't ask any questions

609 replies

200thousand · 11/02/2018 23:52

Aibu - I try to ask questions when I meet people (particularly new people)... just general stuff about their career, life whatever, nothing too prying - I'd hope not to come across as prying. Just making general conversation.

You would expect people to reciprocate, when they don't ask questions back are they being polite (trying not to pry) or is it more likely they are self obsessed? Or just not interested in me (I'm not boring!)

I just think a conversation should go like this...

General chat
Question from person 1
answer from person 2
general chat
question from person 2
answer from person 1
general chat

I know that sounds a bit prescriptive, I don't mean it to, but just think on the whole you should ask someone you are chatting to questions esp if they ask you some.

recent conversations have gone:

general chat
me ask a question
answer from other person
general chat
me ask another question
answer / general chat
general chat
me ask another question
answer / general chat

with no questions!?

AIBU to find it a bit weird??

OP posts:

Report

Ragusa · 11/02/2018 23:54

Some people just don't have good social skills. YANBU.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/02/2018 23:56

Yanbu but equally some people are terrified at the prospect of 'social' chat.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/02/2018 23:57

Others just can't do it either because they don't want to; quite frankly just not interested and others have underlying issues which render them unable to.

donajimena · 11/02/2018 23:58

YANBU I have a very kind college friend. She talks about herself all the time
Me: did you have a nice weekend?
Her; yes I did xyz
Me: ooh that's nice
I know her life story (all freely volunteered) she knows nothing about me or what I do because a) She doesn't ask and b) because I don't launch into diatribe. However her actions show her as a very nice person which is why I keep the friendship going but the conversation is very one way

Jojobythesea · 11/02/2018 23:58

I was literally thinking this the other day. It happens so often. The same with compliments. I'll always compliment people and it's rarely reciprocated.

PickAChew · 11/02/2018 23:59

I don't ask questions because I don't give a shit.

Firesuit · 11/02/2018 23:59

I don't ask questions unless I want to know the answer. It's very unlikely that anything about anyone's life is of any interest to me.

The odds are greater than 50% that I won't like have to respond to any question I'm asked, so you'd probably be annoying me, though I'd be too polite to show it.

WellAlwaysHaveParis · 12/02/2018 00:00

I don't ask questions because I don't give a shit.

Wow. How nicely put. So you don’t give a shit about anyone else when you talk to them?

awoken3 · 12/02/2018 00:01

my sister in laws are like this.
I'm quiet and take a long long time to truly warm up however even from a first meeting I ask questions and sho a genuine interest in their lives and remember things theyve told me and follow up on them, they however never ask me anything and don't really get me as a person probably co they've never taken the time to get to know me properly.

Paperdove87 · 12/02/2018 00:03

I find conversing very difficult-anxiety etc but I always seem to find myself asking loads of questions and the other person not reciprocating.

I find that it's often the people who are seen to have good social skills who seem to be the worst offenders at this-just talking about themselves rather than asking about anyone else. I think maybe I am just no good at talking about myself- would rather ask something than open up about myself.

200thousand · 12/02/2018 00:03

Pickachew and Firesuit - why are you not interested in other people (genuine question?). do you have friends? are you not interested in their lives? or at least seeming interested in their lives?

OP posts:

mumgointhroughtorture · 12/02/2018 00:03

Some people are so nosey , I'm not. If you want to tell me , go ahead , if not ... Don't . Some just ask so many questions and it's not in my nature to be bothered about other people's lives . These people seem to thrive on gossip and enjoy reading about celebs lives and generally love it when bad stuff happen to people ... I like to mind my own business , I've got enough going on in my own life to care about other people's .

PickAChew · 12/02/2018 00:03

I'm not going to formulate a question to engage someone I'm not already close enough to to be sure of a common interest.

200thousand · 12/02/2018 00:04

Pickachew - so I guess you are not interested in making new friends then?

OP posts:

Julie8008 · 12/02/2018 00:05

YABU - why would you ask a stranger details about their life. Its weird.

AGnu · 12/02/2018 00:05

I find it really difficult to ask people questions - I don't want to come across as nosy & I assume that they'll tell me anything they want me to know. I don't have any really close friends so clearly this approach doesn't work but I just can't seem to socialise like a "normal" person! I try but mostly end up parroting their questions back at them because I've established they consider them appropriate questions for our level of friendship. I don't think that comes across very well either. I hate socialising but would like more friends!

PickAChew · 12/02/2018 00:05

And I'm right in there with that post before my last one.

toffee1000 · 12/02/2018 00:05

I probably wouldn’t ask questions because I wouldn’t know what to ask and I wouldn’t want to risk putting my foot in it, eg asking if they had children and they’d just had a stillbirth or were infertile etc.

200thousand · 12/02/2018 00:06

Julie - in a social situation e.g. playdate - what else do you suggest for making conversation?

OP posts:

PickAChew · 12/02/2018 00:06

I'll make new friends where conversation flows naturally.

200thousand · 12/02/2018 00:08

Do you ask your friends questions?

OP posts:

AnaViaSalamanca · 12/02/2018 00:11

Maybe the person is trying to end the conversation?

I talk to my friends, colleagues, and family. I don't like talking to strangers. I have no problem with social skills or anything, just most of the time not interested in engaging with the person (say cab driver, person next to me on the plane, etc). Most of the time I try to be polite but I want them to shut up.

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200thousand · 12/02/2018 00:13

you could have a point ana... but when it's parents one on one at a playdate - you have a couple of hours to kill, lack of reciprocal questions is a little weird hey?

OP posts:

RoseWhiteTips · 12/02/2018 00:14

It is weird.

AntArcticFox · 12/02/2018 00:18

The list of questions can seem too much.

I use non personal small talk and usually get by pretty well.

My favourite people to talk to are kindly extroverts who then pick up the conversation and run with it. Others might complain they are self centered (and have) but I feel relief when the spotlight is off me.

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