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My daughter's dog. (Fast becoming mine ) do not want the responsibility

(209 Posts)
Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:39:16

Hi all
Know it's late but am in real need of advice.
My DD brought her puppy four years ago in July of this year.
I was against it as we live in a flat.
Within two days she had "separation issues" so her boyfriend's parents took him on. They have a house with a garden.
Coco would then stay with us one night in the week and then at weekends.
That was fine . Then my daughters boyfriend's parents sold up and moved away so coco and her boyfriend came to live with us. Love him to death.
All still fine, daughters boyfriend was brilliant walking him before work, after work, clearing up after him etc.
Daughter and her boyfriend (of 8years) broke up and he moved out 😞
So , here is my dilemma. Daughter has never really been responsible for her dog. Bearing in mind he lived with her boyfriend and his parents for the first 3 years.
Coco is now at ours full time. My daughter has met a new boyfriend and is barely here, so I am left looking after her dog. I live in a flat, I have poop bags on my balcony 😡
I am the one that feeds him, polishes the furniture after he jumps all over it. Has to let him in and out all blinking night. He is hard work. He is a cocker spaniel so he needs lots of exercise and he is not getting it.
I get so frustrated with him and it's not fair because he is such a lovely dog.
But ( I will get condemned for this) he is not my dog or my responsibility.
Just to add I have RA so get very tired after work

Shmithecat Sat 10-Feb-18 00:42:19

Tell your dd she needs to buck up or you will be rehoming the dog. Springers need work/stimulation/outside space. A flat is not suitable but you know that. Your dd is a cheeky selfish mare and you need to tell her.

altiara Sat 10-Feb-18 00:43:52

Exactly what shmithecat said

butterfly56 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:46:21

In your situation OP you need to look at rehoming him.
Your daughter has not done anything to take care of the dog at all.

Your health issues prevent you from being able to exercise him properly
and the situation you have been left in is not fair you or the dog.

Rehoming is the best solution all round and will be a lot less stressful to both you and the dog. smile

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 00:46:57

I'm in a reasonably similar situation, but do actually want the dog and have just formally adopted him. I can, however, completely understand why others would balk at the idea of taking on a dog that's not theirs!

Where has the ex-boyfriend gone - could he adopt the dog on a permanent basis? If he's been involved for 8 years I'd be shocked if he wasn't missing the dog.

Otherwise, you WNBU to rehome BUT you need to do it responsibly - not via Gumtree, Pets4Homes or other small adverts. I would start with the breed rescues that specialise in Cockers e.g. Failing that, try local foster based rescues that avoid using kennels. If there's still no luck, try one of the larger rescue organisations, but do be careful with their policies - Dogs Trust never put a healthy dog down, but that can't be said for all of them.

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:47:24

Agree. Tell her the dog needs to move to her new boyfriend's place or to be rehomed. At the very least she ought to offer to pay for a dog walker and to agree to be around to do more cleaning, feeding etc herself.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:47:52

I am so glad you said that because I totally agree, problem is my DD is a little princess (she is 24) hard worker etc and I love her to bits, really trying to find the right words. Had so many discussions the last few months about how I was feeling being responsible for him. Actually ended up crying last Sunday cos was not well and yet again she had left him with me. Just getting over phuemonia so am still not well.
Keep trying to tell her he cannot be trapped in this flat

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:48:10

Yes Dogs Trust are good. Give them a ring for advice.

Butterymuffin Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:05

Can you get someone else to be around when you talk to her? Friend who can be less soft?

Flatprob Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:11

Poor dog being passed around like that. My dog would be heartbroken. Do you think she would take good care of him?

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:49:56

Just to add the ex boyfriend is a little darling he comes on a Saturday and takes him out for a hour. But coco IS NOT HIS DOG...

Ruffian Sat 10-Feb-18 00:50:56

Sounds like she never really wanted a dog, just liked the idea of a puppy, a very common mistake! Much better to rehome - cocker spaniels make lovely pets, he's still young so there will be plenty of lovely owners waiting.

You've done very well to look after him in such difficult circumstances flowers

Hendrytastic Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:20

You need to speak to your daughter about giving the dog away to an organisation that would find him the home he needs. I can tell you love the dog, but he needs more exercise than you can give him, you know that already. And I have specifically suggested somewhere that will rehome him on your behalf instead of you doing it yourselves because you would end up doing it, not your daughter, and I don't think you need the emotional turmoil. I would not judge you at all for saying the dog is not your responsibility, you're right, he's not. If you wanted a dog, you'd have got one for yourself, but you knew your living and working arrangements would not accommodate one. To get a dog in such circumstances would be cruel and irresponsible, but nevertheless you have found yourself in this situation due to your daughters actions. There are only two options; she looks after her own dog, or it gets rehomed. It won't be easy though, sending you kind thoughts for a difficult time.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:57

Just to add the ex boyfriend is a little darling he comes on a Saturday and takes him out for a hour. But coco IS NOT HIS DOG...

He does sound brilliant. It's not his dog, true, but as it sounds like Coco needs to be rehomed to someone who has the time and energy to take care of him. It would be least stressful for Coco to go to someone who he already knows, and the most obvious person would be the ex-bf, if his housing / employment situation makes it practical.

DixieNormas Sat 10-Feb-18 00:52:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ruffian Sat 10-Feb-18 00:53:31

Has anyone actually asked the ex if he'd like to take Coco? Perhaps he would like to but doesn't feel he can ask?

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:53:39

My daughter loves her do, she truly does, but she has no time for him, she works hard and has met a new boyfriend and is at his 6 days a week.
I am not knocking that she does not love him, I am saying he has fast become my dog . We live in a flat and it is so not fair on him.
Taking him to a shelter is not a option it would break her heart ❤️ But I can't get her to understand she needs to do more

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:54:20


Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 00:55:23

No he can't he is going travelling for a year to Austrailia

WeAllHaveWings Sat 10-Feb-18 00:56:29

Ask the ex-bf if he wants the dog. If not rehome. Your dd doesnt get a say in it. Poor dog needs a home that will meets his needs.

Littleoldme52 Sat 10-Feb-18 01:01:07

I love Coco to bits I really do. I can't even walk him for her because I have arthritis in my hands.
A while ago I thought I would try, he literally ran down the steps and I fell down the last three because he is so strong.
She does pay someone to walk him for half a hour a day around lunchtime, then will walk him for another half hour when she gets home at teatime.
In the meantime, when I get I home from work I can't relax cos he has either chewed something up, he is knocking at the balcony door to go to the toilet ( which I hate, now I can't even sit out there)

AvocadosBeforeMortgages Sat 10-Feb-18 01:02:11

That's a shame about the ex-bf going to Australia.

Sadly it sounds like Coco will need to be rehomed elsewhere. I'm afraid daughter doesn't get a say in it because she's not around your house 7 days a week taking him out for lengthy muddy walks.

Do forewarn the ex-bf; I'm sure he'll want some time to say goodbye.

NoIdeaWhatToSay Sat 10-Feb-18 01:02:59

You need to stop considering your DD in this, she does not love the dog she is neglecting the dog. He's not a toy that she can come home to play with when it suits.

Contact The Dog's Trust and find a suitable home for him. Your DD is a selfish little madam and you are allowing her selfish wants to come before the needs of the dog.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but you can't believe that she actually loves and cares for the dog when she spends 6 days out of 7 away from him through choice. Loving someone/something means putting your own feelings aside.

PonderLand Sat 10-Feb-18 01:05:37

Your situation sounds similar to my brother and parents. He got a designer puppy in a city centre apartment rental.he went on holiday when the pup was about 6m old, my parents had him for the week and 3 years later... he never bloody took him back! He said he isn't allowed dogs, doesn't fit in with his life etc..

You need to give your daughter an ultimatum and don't offer any other alternatives. DD takes dog to a rescue or she takes dog with her. Do not feel guilty about it, it truly isn't your fault this has happened. Are you paying for the food, vet bills too?

My parents are so bitter about it but my mum loves the dog now, they're close to retirement and want to enjoy their lives, but they've been pushed into having a dog (which is one of the most difficult breeds to train to boot) for at least another 10 years. It is such selfish behaviour and you need to put the responsibility onto her and her alone!

UgandanKnuckles Sat 10-Feb-18 01:06:45

Your daughter either actually takes responsibility for her dog or he needs to be rehomed for his own sake.

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