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Dd "fat shaming" me.

(423 Posts)
Dancingfairy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:13:32

So I know I'm not small. I'm a size 16 (was a 12 before having my youngest) however dd has started "fat shaming" me. She's 6 and will say stuff like "why are you big and fat" infact she decided to say that in a shop yesterday infront of everyone. Also "whys your belly so fat" aibu in thinking this is normal stuff for a 6 yo to say? Or is it? Needless to say it's promoted the diet!

bridgetreilly Thu 08-Feb-18 13:15:39

Where on earth has she learned to say that? And no, it's not normal, it's very rude. If nothing else, you need to teach her that so she doesn't start saying it to strangers!

Nocabbageinmyeye Thu 08-Feb-18 13:16:45

No it's not one bit normal, rude little madam

catscan Thu 08-Feb-18 13:17:03

Not normal! Time for a conversation about being mean OP!

ReachOutAndTouchDave Thu 08-Feb-18 13:17:53

My DD said similar at that age to me. I told her that it hurt my feelings and she was very upset to have made me feel sad. I think it's something they say at school so she will have heard things there. I would say it is normal behaviour but perhaps tell her it's not very nice to say it.

Atalune Thu 08-Feb-18 13:17:59

Not ok.

She needs the tools to learn how to talk to people.

Boudiccaiceni Thu 08-Feb-18 13:18:45

No, not normal. It is learned behaviour.

KungFuEric Thu 08-Feb-18 13:18:53

I think it's normal for children to notice it and feel unhappy/embarrassed by it.

We live in a society though that encourages people not to be unkind though.

Dancingfairy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:20:04

I'm really not sure tbh. I don't watch tv myself so can't be from there (though they do watch tiny pop) and she's only ever with me. It's starting to become every upsetting not that she's noticed it because like I said I'm not small, I know I'm overweight. But the more saying it loudly around people.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira Thu 08-Feb-18 13:20:08

It’s is rude.

I have a six year old as well OP. My children are neither blind nor stupid so they know I am fat - but when they have strayed into a question designed to be a ‘boundary pusher’ that’s when I tell them it’s rude to comment, everyone is different. I think at six she’s old enough to know that you don’t comment on people’s bodies unless it is something that can be immediately rectified (e.g. you have spinach in your teeth).

BarbarianMum Thu 08-Feb-18 13:20:12

I think a young child saying "why is your tummy so big and fat" is totally normal actually. It's just a question until you're taught that being fat is actually the worst thing ever. But yes, just have a little chat about not making personal remarks.

Tarraleaha Thu 08-Feb-18 13:22:13

It's normal when they are younger, kids have no filter and it's up to you to teach them not to comment on other people's appearance, not to point and so on. How many kids have asked their mum if there was a baby in there angry. At 6, you should really have talked to her about it by now.

She is 6, she is not "fat shaming" you though! If you do have a problem with your weight, you should tackle it as soon as possible, or at the very least hide it from your kids, which is impossible really. It's a terrible message for a child to have a bad relationship with food and your own body.

readysteadyteddy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:22:42

This is learned behaviour, perhaps someone at school has been teasong her? (No "rude little madam" about it as a pp said. She's six!)

readysteadyteddy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:22:57

*teasing

OutyMcOutface Thu 08-Feb-18 13:24:47

It's not really normal at six. You should teach her some manners asap. It's very rude to discuss a person's appearance.

ShutYoFace Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:12

You six year old is not "fatshaming" you (seriously, if you're over the age of 17 you should be embarrassed to use a non word like that). She's being rude, which you need to deal with.

AhhhhThatsBass Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:13

My 4 year old started slapping me on my "fat bum" last night. (I'm a size 6, not as pert as it might once was but probably wouldn't describe it as fat per se). I think they experiment with language at this age. She then said she'd love a fat bum like mine. She often does point out people who are fat or thin or have some defining feature like very long hair. I usually just explain that some people have big tummies/bums and others have small ones and we are all different etc. I don't get too concerned about it.

Bluntness100 Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:20

I think yes kids notice, they are not fat shaming, they don't understand the concept. She is just saying what she sees (sorry).

It's well off to say she is rude, she is a child.

It's complex because you now have to explain to her she cannot comment on people's appearance. Which is fine, but To explain to her she cannot comment on her mothers, to say what she thinks, she has to not be honest with you.To her she's just curious and asking her mum an honest question.

It's one of the complexities of life. You cannot tell a fat person they are fat. You cannot tell a thin person they are thin. It needs to go without comment, as it may hurt someone's feelings even if it's true. It's not so easy to explain that to a six year old when in relation to her own mother.

For me, I alwats went with the approach you can't say it to other people, as it may hurt them, but you should always be honest with your mum and dad and ask what you want to know. If it's too distressing for you to hear your daughter mention it, then tell her that includes you.

Wellfuckmeinbothears Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:30

It's not normal for her to speak to you that way, please don't take this the wrong way but could she have picked it up from one of the other kids saying something along those lines at school? I think you need to have a talk with her about being kind and how words can hurt peoples feelings.

Dancingfairy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:35

She's only started saying it recently so why would I talk to her before she said it? I gained weight in pregnancy and baby is 9 months (admittedly a lot) baby is bf so wasn't in a hurry to go on any drastic diets though I have been watching what I eat. It's always fat though isn't it? Couldn't imagine a child saying "why are you skinny."

GreatDuckCookery Thu 08-Feb-18 13:25:36

That's hurtful for you. I think at 6 they say what they think to a large degree. Maybe have a chat about how it's not kind to say certain things about people's appearances as it can make them feel sad.

MiaowTheCat Thu 08-Feb-18 13:26:31

They do ask quite open questions at that age - I've just been in DD1's class (similar age) helping and one of the kids asked me if I had a baby in my tummy - I was like, "no - just cake" (easiest way I've found to defuse it and just chirpily move along).

The rule I've given DD1 to go by (she struggles slightly with social skills and a lack of filter between brain and mouth ) is that we only say nice things about people. That was about the easiest way I could think of to explain it to her at that age without being drawn into one of these millions of shades of grey to debate and break down to dissect scenarios.

That and just not responding at all to comments like that or they find out it's a lever they can use to get a reaction (I used to do supply teaching and I'm large - had heads offering to intervene to any "fat" comments and I just left it because not reacting at all killed it stone dead rather than it becoming a "thing")

SoxonFeet Thu 08-Feb-18 13:26:37

Tell her that it upsets you when she says it. I doubt its malicious at this age, but if you explain that words can hurt and upset people she will learn not to say mean things, not only to you, but to others too.

MinorRSole Thu 08-Feb-18 13:27:44

Does she watch peppa pig - precocious little brat is always calling her dad fat!

I think it's a fairly normal comment from 6 year olds, just need to remind them it's rude to comment on what people look like

Dancingfairy Thu 08-Feb-18 13:27:57

Sorry didn't know what term to use hence why I put it as "fat shaming." I think she's doing it to be rude certainly as she shouted it in the shop to me infront of people out of nowhere. Maybe one of the kids could have said it at her school but I am certainly not the largest there so I'm not sure?

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