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AIBU?

Absolutely fuming.... Anyone awake?

186 replies

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:14

So here's a bit of back story, partner and I have just moved into a new house, expecting a baby in March, money is tight and I have been suffering with depression.

I only told him last week that I felt "depressed" and went to docs etc. He told me he'd be supportive blah blah blah.

So tonight, I get in from work to be greeted by him in his best clothes telling me he's going out for Chinese with the boys and he might be (and I quote) "a bit late"

So anyway, for someone being really supportive about the way I've been feeling lately, he's not text me all night. (He knows I'm home alone) I fell asleep there from about 10pm-1.30am woke up and was surprised not to find him at home (doesn't usually stay out past 12/12.30 During the week) well my concern now is.... It's after 4am, all the pubs closed at 2am, his phone is off. Am I right to think he's an absolute selfish bastard? I'm working at 7am.... Sitting at home worrying myself sick?

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laudanum · 07/12/2017 04:18

He's being a selfish wanker. I'd be pissed off too.

shiftyfades · 07/12/2017 04:18

I didn't want to read and run. Could it be that they've gone to a casino or to someone's house to carry on drinking?

Try to rest, I know it's hard but he's a grown up and you've got work.

I'm sure it'll just be a night out that been extended and his phone has run out of battery.

Try not to worry.

He's a twat for not updating you though.

Coffeeisnecessary · 07/12/2017 04:21

I would be pissed off too, but I'm sure he's fine, try to rest for your own sake. Then talk to him tomorrow, and take a similar time off to make it fair.

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:22

Thank you for your replies. We live in quite a rural town so no casino etc. And all the boys he's out with have work in the morning, so wouldn't have thought there would be an after party.... But hopefully it's a simple explanation like that. Oh I'm so bloody mad I've made myself cry. TWAT!

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Leg88 · 07/12/2017 04:27

I don't think he is wrong to have gone out but I do think he is wrong to have stayed out so late without setting an expectation that he'd be back this late. How much Chinese is he eating?!?!

I'd be awake worrying like you and have been where you are so many times in the past but my DP now knows just to send me a text if his plans change so I don't worry if I wake up.

Doesn't help you now but perhaps a rule to implement in the future x

ToftheB · 07/12/2017 04:28

I’m up, I’m also pregnant and sleeping very badly. I’m really sorry you’ve having such a difficult time, and that your partner is making things worse.
I hope he’s ‘just’ had too much to drink and crashed at a friends house - but I absolutely agree, not letting you know where he is or when he’ll be home is not on.

It’s no excuse, but my husband (who has been great all the way through the pregnancy) has been out a couple of times in the last few weeks, on a works do and a uni reunion. Both times he’s ended up much more drunk than usual, I think it’s due to a combination of being out of practice with drinking and feeling like he’s having ‘one last night’ before he becomes a Dad.

I hope your partner is ok and that he’s very sorry for worrying you.

Ohb0llocks · 07/12/2017 04:28

I’d be massively pissed off!

shiftyfades · 07/12/2017 04:28

It's spilled over in to a "let's go to mine and carry on drinking" thing then.

Rest, don't waste tears on him, ring in with morning sickness if you're too tired to work later. Think of yourself and the baby and keep yourself calm and well.

He will have his tail between his legs later - make him do chores as punishment

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:29

I had no issue with him going out... In fact I encourage it because he doesn't do it that often. But when he does he's usually home no later than 12.30ish. He knows to text me if plans change etc, he knows I'll be lying at home worried sick. I just think it's completely twatish for him to be out this late with absolutely no contact.

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shiftyfades · 07/12/2017 04:33

I wonder if he's lost his phone?

I would be worried too. I can be awful on a night out and forget to text and don't hear my phone, drives my husband nuts. It's rare that I go out but I do always update him eventually, I'm never out this late though, 1am is the latest I've been out.

I'm sure he's fine.

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:35

For his sake I hope he's lost his phone.

His mum usually gets up about 5/5.30, I'll wait until then and give her a ring. Maybe not used to the new address yet and went there?

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JanetStWalker · 07/12/2017 04:37

I'm furious on your behalf, what an inconsiderate sod!

As others have said, he'll be fine inebriated but fine so please don't stay up all night worrying. Sleep, you'll need all your strength tomorrow to give him much deserved hell.

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:39

Oh trust me, he will be getting hell. I'm meant to be going to my parents house for dinner after work tomorrow night, I might just not come home and stay there.

I've contacted one of the boys I know he was with, message sent but not read

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Reppin · 07/12/2017 04:41

Do you think it is your depression that is making you more emotional? I am not trying to minimise your feelings, but it is just a night out and doesn't negate the support he has offered you. I wouldn't either expect a text, or send a text on a night out. It really doesn't mean my partner and I are not supportive of each other.

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:44

I understand what you are saying. But any other night he has always gave me a quick txt, or let me know if plans have changed. So it's unusual to not hear from him at all, and for it to be almost 5am and him not to be home.... I'm worried sick, depression or not. There's no where open and everyone is working in the morning so can't see it being after party scenario. I really don't think it's fair

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Wishfulmakeupping · 07/12/2017 04:49

It's not right for him to not contact you and put your mind at rest selfish git I'd be hitting the roof.
Don't go work tomo ring in sick you can't drive/concentrate when you've been up all night like this

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 04:52

I was off sick not last week but the week before with a bad cold, manager does not take kindly to sickness (pregnant or not) so I am very reluctant to phone in sick, if I don't find him/hear from him by 7am I might reconsider. I'm so so bloody mad, why should I sit here alone pregnant worrying about the twat!

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Leg88 · 07/12/2017 04:56

I just wanted to add that I too am pregnant and even though my partner is desperate for a baby, for us to become a family he went through a phase earlier in my pregnancy of getting ridiculously drunk and doing something stupid. Nothing too serious but it would always cause a huge row.

I'm sure it was some kind of unintentional/ subconscious release/ rebellion from the thought that his life is about to change completely.

I'm not excusing him, I'm just wondering if it's a similar thing?

Leg88 · 07/12/2017 04:57

Sorry another thought... have you checked the sofa/ spare room? Maybe you just didn't hear him come in?

Whoyagonna · 07/12/2017 04:59

When silly season hits, men seem to become utter gobshites.

user1471495191 · 07/12/2017 05:00

Another hand to hold! Maybe stayed at a mates so as 'not to wake or disturb you'?! Without realising that this would in itself cause worry?!

blueskyinmarch · 07/12/2017 05:00

Whether you are feeling low or not, pregnant or not it is still a dick move to go out and stay out without letting your partner know where you are and that you are okay. I would be furious.

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hullahoops · 07/12/2017 05:00

Yeah I've been downstairs several times, no sign of him. I'm not lying in bed with the blinds open incase I see car lights, no chance of sleep now

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ethelfleda · 07/12/2017 05:03

I'd be fuming too, OP!

hullahoops · 07/12/2017 05:09

My mum saw I was active on Facebook so messaged me to see if I was ok, told her what was going on (luckily she is off on annual leave this week) so she's heading over just for some support

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