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Cancel My Wedding?

(83 Posts)
Jonesy85 Sun 12-Nov-17 22:46:17

I've posted this cry for help on another thread but thought I'd add a bit of background to the story.

So, I'm getting married and would love nothing more than the two most important and special women in my life to be there, my mum and aunt. However, mum refuses to attend my wedding if my aunt Wendy attends. They had a falling out about 5 years ago over the money left to my aunt in my grandmas will ( Wendy got the same amount of money as mum but also got left the house as well) I understand why gran left her the house so this dispute hasn't affected my relationship with auntie wend.

What should I do, I want them both there. Do I uninvite my aunt and risk my relationship with her. My mum must be there I would be heart broken if she wasn't.

AIBU to expect them both to be civil for my sake? Or do I cancel the whole thing. I'm stuck in the middle.

OP’s posts: |
Leilaniii Sun 12-Nov-17 22:48:17

Oh, poor you! Incidentally, why did your gran leave Auntie Wendy the house? I'm just trying to see your DM's point of view...

Also, what date is the wedding?

Ethylred Sun 12-Nov-17 22:48:51

Invite them both and let them sort it out.

Hellywelly10 Sun 12-Nov-17 22:48:53

There being unreasonable. Invite them both . This has nothing to do with you.

19lottie82 Sun 12-Nov-17 22:49:06

I dont know, part of me says it’s your Mum and you need her to be at your wedding but then part of me says your Mum is being childish and should put your big day before a grudge, but if she insists on not going then so be it.

I guess it all depends on your relationship with both your Mum and your Auntie?

FlashTheSloth Sun 12-Nov-17 22:50:32

Why on earth would you cancel a wedding because 2 grown women cannot be civil enough to celebrate something that has sod all to do with them? A wedding is about you marrying the person you love. Cancelling it for this would be ridiculous and I wouldn't be impressed as your fiance.

Jonesy85 Sun 12-Nov-17 22:51:09

To cut a long story short, my aunt cared for my gran for the last seven years of her life, gave up her job as a teacher and sold her own home to move in with gran. She sacrificed a lot. I guess it was grans way of thanking her and not leaving her homeless when she passed. Wedding is booked for 4th Aug

OP’s posts: |
KarmaStar Sun 12-Nov-17 22:52:59

Congratulations on your wedding.
We had a very similar situation at my daughter's wedding in August this year.two very close family members did not get on but both loved by the bride.
In the end they were both invited,accepted and attended.they were placed apart for the meal and the wedding went really well.
Explain to both sides how much you love them but also love the other person and please,for you,can they put aside their differences for one day?how can they refuse that?
Hopefully they will see that they should put you first and put aside their differences for your special day.
Good luck and gave a wonderful day🌻🌻

missiondecision Sun 12-Nov-17 22:53:31

Invite them both, let them decide.
It’s totally unfair for you to choose.

UrsulaPandress Sun 12-Nov-17 22:53:44

Tell them both to grow the fuck up. Life is short and we only pass this way once.

And show them this thread.

Sooooooooooooooooooooo Sun 12-Nov-17 22:55:50

Tell them you’re inviting them both and for one day they need to behave like adults as you do not want your wedding to be ruined.

Leilaniii Sun 12-Nov-17 22:56:48

Can you elope? Is there a country you have always dreamed of visiting where you could get married?

I would worry that - even if they both came - there might be an atmosphere that could ruin the day.

Insomnibrat Sun 12-Nov-17 22:57:30

You're BVU to say you'd cancel your wedding over this.

Mittens1969 Sun 12-Nov-17 23:04:48

I like the idea of eloping and getting married abroad, OP. That way you don’t risk the 2 silly women ruining your day. The day is about you and your fiancé, not their feud.

Either way, congratulations! flowers

Jonesy85 Sun 12-Nov-17 23:05:31

@insomnibrat I'm new to mumsnet and have no idea what BVU means lol. I really need to look up what all these abbreviations mean!

OP’s posts: |
StefMay Sun 12-Nov-17 23:07:06

What KarmaStar says

Jonesy85 Sun 12-Nov-17 23:08:17

@Mittens1969 I really wish we could elope. A nice sunny beach, or perhaps vegas. One can only dream. My Hubby to be's mum can't fly so we are getting married here. I'd hate for his mum to not be there as well

OP’s posts: |
Insomnibrat Sun 12-Nov-17 23:08:26

Being very unreasonable, OP.

FlashTheSloth Sun 12-Nov-17 23:08:46

It means being very unreasonable.

ZoeWashburne Sun 12-Nov-17 23:09:57

Tell your mum you expect her to act like an adult. If she says she will not attend say ‘Well, it’s sad and pathetic you would boycott your daughters wedding over this. I’m hurt that your hatred of her is more important to you than your love for me. But I can’t force you to be an adult. I’ll miss you’. And call her bluff.

Invite them both and if they can’t act like adults, they’ll only embarrass themselves.

HermionesRightHook Sun 12-Nov-17 23:10:58

Do not cancel. Your mum is being ridiculous. She has no right to dictate your wedding guest list. All she needs to do is show up and not cause a fight.

Invite them both. Let your mother do as she pleases. She's trying to control you in a really unhealthy way and is being really childish about it - she doesn't need to talk to your aunt, she just needs to be there for you. Have your day as you like.

Accept that it would be sad for your mother not to attend but that you have no control over her childish and churlish behaviour, just as she has no control over who you love and value.

redshoeblueshoe Sun 12-Nov-17 23:11:13

Wow your aunt gave up her job to care for her DM for 7years ! Does your DM even understand the impact of that ?

AdoraBell Sun 12-Nov-17 23:12:35

Invite both and tell your DM you expect all adults to behave like adults for the day. The entire day.

Blondeshavemorefun Sun 12-Nov-17 23:14:03

Being very unreasonable - bvu

You would seriously cancel your wedding?

Obv you want your mum there but if she can't keep the peace for one day then maybe she shouldn't be there

Invite both and tell them if they can't be nice don't come

It's like divorced parents. They can be civil for one day. For the important person in their lives

They don't need to talk to each other. Def don't sit near each other but both can attend

And guess can understand why your mum feels a bit put out. Obv no one is entitled to their parents home / but it is usually split between siblings

Your aunt sold her home to move in with her mum. So she should have had a healthy bank balance

The house should have been split between both siblings. Aunt would t have been homeless. She would have brought another place

I couldn't imagine me having my parents home and not equal shares with my brother

If that did happen I would sell and give half to my sibling

Your aunt Obv felt she deserves the house and not sharing the value

But all that is regardless

It's your wedding day and they can come and be civil or
Both stay away

CakesRUs Sun 12-Nov-17 23:16:07

My FIL didn’t attend my wedding for something similar. As it wasn’t my dad, I didn’t care and, actually, him not being there didn’t detract from our day at all, even for DH.

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