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AIBU?

She doesn't talk to me AT ALL

323 replies

LessConversation · 19/05/2017 07:34

Me (to colleague) 'Good morning! Did you have a nice evening?'
Her 'yes'
Me 'did you do anything special?'
Her 'no'

And that is it for the rest of the morning. No small talk. AT ALL. We sit in silence.

Just us two in an office - it is driving me insane.

AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

Gizlotsmum · 19/05/2017 07:36

Tricky. Some people just don't do small talk. How long have you worked together? i sometimes don't want to make small talk so would answer like that other times I might not be so busy so could chat

ForFSake · 19/05/2017 07:38

I feel for you. I've had this with 2 colleagues before. The first, I lasted 2.5 years before I cracked and handed my notice in. Work was miserable, it was only us 2 in the office most of the time and the days dragged so much!

You're never going to get on famously with everyone but to never, ever make any convo whatsoever is just...dull.

Longdistance · 19/05/2017 07:38

I know a girl like this at work. Luckily she's in a different office and don't work with her too often.

My other colleagues are not keen on her either, as she'll leave and not say good bye to anyone. Just so rude.

You spend most of your waking days at work, at least be pleasant.

Laiste · 19/05/2017 07:39

No, YNBU to find it horrible. I'm a chatty person (can whistle and work) and i'd hate it too.

However - if you're looking to change the situation then we need a lot more context :)

mummyrabbitpeppapig · 19/05/2017 07:46

Could she just be having a bad day? How long have you worked together?

manueltowers · 19/05/2017 07:48

Maybe she doesn't like chit-chat or just works better in silence?

Reow · 19/05/2017 07:53

You don't do it the minute she comes in do you?

I have a chirpy cheerful colleague who is like this the minute I walk in, before I've even taken off my coat and chugged a coffee. She probably thinks I'm a mardy bitch.

Give me an hour to wake up and 2 coffees and then I'll make happy chit chat, but I just can't do it first thing. I just growl.

LessConversation · 19/05/2017 07:53

I am her manager. Her work is really good, she is autonomous, gets on with things, no sick days. So I assume she is fine with it.

But it is driving me mental. I really bounce off people, learn from chatting etc.

I keep going off for walks simply to interact with other departments (this is fine in our job but I wouldn't need to if it wasn't completely silent where I am!).

OP posts:

Walkacrossthesand · 19/05/2017 07:54

If you want to see if you can get her to talk more, you could try asking questions that don't have a 'yes/no' answer eg how are you today? What did you do yesterday evening? What do you think of (XYZ in the news)? I doubt she'll launch into sparkling conversation, but the answer will hopefully be more than a single syllable..

alittlequinnie · 19/05/2017 07:56

LOL - you would hate me at work then. I will say "morning" but don't feel the need to say goodbye to everybody - and especially not at lunchtime.

I'm really really busy AND I have to keep a timesheet which lists every single minute of every day. There's nothing I can time record for "chit chat" so I avoid doing it.

Whilst it is nice to be pleasant to your work colleagues we are there to work aren't we - I find it particularly stressfull to be full on mad busy and have to listed to a couple of airheads chatting all day long about what they did at the weekend - if they do it around me for too long I often get up say "have you got any capacity?" and give them some work!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/05/2017 07:57

Tbf most managers would be happy that they have someone who doesn't chat in work time - she sounds like she's a good staff member, just not interested in small talk.

I spent years working in close proximity to some complete knobs and I didn't really talk to them either.

She may be shy, she may prefer to get on with her work - I understand you find it helpful to chat to people but some people find it a distraction/irritant

TheNaze73 · 19/05/2017 07:58

Not everyone is like you. If her work ethic & standards are good, I'd leave it.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/05/2017 07:59

And many people do their best work if they are left alone - nothing more irritating than having someone trying to make conversation when you aren't really interested and just want to get on

LessConversation · 19/05/2017 08:00

walk tried that.

Me 'What did you do last night?'
Her 'nothing special'

OP posts:

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 19/05/2017 08:04

Why would she be any more chatty if you ask her stuff outright? She's obviously a quiet person - i haven't ever heard a manager complain that their staff member is too quiet

GerdaLovesLili · 19/05/2017 08:04

Can you imagine the reverse?
"I work in an office, and the only other person in it is my Line Manager. I don't want her to think that I'm inefficient so I keep chit-chat to a minimum and while I'm polite, I don't want to reveal too much of my private life to her, it's a bit of an awkward situation, because I don't think it's appropriate to be BFFs with my boss. I'm keeping future appraisals in mind and really don't want to giver her any ammunition."

QuiteLikely5 · 19/05/2017 08:05

Can you put the radio on?

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/05/2017 08:06

It sounds like different work personalities which is very difficult if just the two of you there. I absolutely hate sitting in silence - luckily most of my colleagues chat as well. And yes we still work hard. We are not int the office all the time anyway. We do have a radio - would that be an option or does she need complete silence to work?

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/05/2017 08:06

Xpost Quite

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/05/2017 08:07

Xpost Quite

Kokusai · 19/05/2017 08:09

Give me an hour to wake up and 2 coffees and then I'll make happy chit chat, but I just can't do it first thing. I just growl

Uh, you need to be on point before you get to work. You can't come into work and 'growl' at colleagues because you haven't sorted yourself out on time.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 19/05/2017 08:10

laiste whistle and work?
I'd be handing my notice in if I had to work with a whistler!

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qazxc · 19/05/2017 08:11

I don't think she is being unreasonable tbh. You say yourself that her work is good.
Maybe she's shy, maybe she it's because your her superior, maybe she just works better without the distraction....

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 19/05/2017 08:11

Whistling wouldn't bother me at all!

Moanlord · 19/05/2017 08:12

I feel for you OP, I'd struggle with someone i couldn't chat to. Can you put the radio on quietly for a bit of noise? I work in a large office where we have a radio on & do Ken Bruce's top 10 at 10 thing for an hour every day. Generates plenty of chat, even if its mainly about what a massive twat old Kenny is A friend of mine works in a big office where everyone listens to the radio with headphones in so that they're not disrupting others making phonecalls, could you do that?

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