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AIBU?

Aibu - photos of children on kids on social media

295 replies

ThisAintALoveSong · 14/04/2017 23:02

Hope the title of the thread isn't too alarming, just not sure how to word it.

I'm guilty of posting pics of my young kids on social media, I can't think of a parent I know who doesn't. Does it ever occur to the parent that one day the kid will grow up, find the photos online of them with food all over their faces/mud in their hair/their first day at school or whatever it might be and be embarrassed? Or feel like their privacy was invaded in some way?

I post things like when my youngest was being weaned onto solids and had food all over his face - I found it amusing and cute and yet it was a big milestone in his life. Or when we've had day trips out or holidays, that sort of thing. Some people I know will post photos to show their kids are poorly etc. I don't tend to photograph kids when they are ill, it just wouldn't occur to me to do that.

Just wondered whether anyone has had a child grow up to say 'mum that pic of me you put up when I was 5 years old eating mud (or whatever) is really embarrassing' - social media has played a big part in people's lives in the last decade so it could have happened.

I'm not looking to judge anyone here or be judged. It's only just occurred to me how my kids might feel when they get older. (Also I was going through old Kodak photos of me and my family from the early 90s and I'd be pretty embarrassed at some of them if they were plastered online. I'd probably still find it highly amusing though)

OP posts:

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2468whodoweappreciate · 14/04/2017 23:34

I am on social media & stopped posting any photos of my DC when the oldest was about 2-3. Just felt like she had no say & moments of her life were being made public property by me.

I want my children to be able to choose who they share details of their own lives with, not take that choice from them. I'd hate someone to take my privacy away.

Another thing that concerns me is I have friends of friends whose kids I know way more detail about than I think is right, because the parents post it with low security settings so that come up on my feeds. That concerns me too.

I still sometimes post an update to do with them ('little 2468 has just done this / made this') but never a photo of their faces. It's actually liberating to remove yourself of the constant 'should I share this monent' feeling. I've kept my kids off my social media for 5 yrs now. They know all about it & my reasons.

Yarboosucks · 14/04/2017 23:46

My DS is 17 and i have been posting pictures of him since he was about 3. We are friends on FB and share photos of him as he was when he was a little kiddie. We are cool with it here. So I asked him to read your OP and he roared with laughter and said that you will get really stressed when your DC have their own accounts. My DS is of course waiting to post pictures of me on my commode.

Astro55 · 14/04/2017 23:49

I've told DD that if she Evers runs away - I'm opening up the family album til she returns - particularly the naked in the gardens shots!

WowOoo · 14/04/2017 23:54

Mine will probably ask me why I never posted pics of them. I've just kept them all to us. We have disks of videos and pics I've taken (to ease memory of my devices). Am I a bad parent?!
Thanks, you've reminded me to take more pics and vids. Always funny to look back on.

ByeByeBadman · 14/04/2017 23:57

I don't post pics of my dc and never have.
I respect their privacy.
I feel sorry for dc whose lives have been made public without their consent or knowledge.

toobreathless · 15/04/2017 00:04

I do post on social media, well Facebook only, around twice a month.

Never anything embarrassing and I always ask myself 'would I mind this being seen at a job interview' before I do so. I also have tight security settings but I posted as though any one could see them in terms of content.

I also do not use our surname, my account is still in my maiden name and refer to the kids by their initials so it doesn't pop up in a Google search.

I'm.happy with this at present.

StrawberryJelly00 · 15/04/2017 00:07

I won't be posting pics of my baby on social media they are my memories I will keep them in an online album and share with some family on whatsapp.

I don't like the idea of the pics being available to people I don't know

Emphasise · 15/04/2017 00:16

I don't post any pictures of DC, but there are loads if them (and me) online because of the sports and other activities we're involved in. Probably mostly not named bur some are. It must be really hard to avoid if you have a crucial reason pics shouldn't be online.

Google my name and you'll know where I was and what I was doing, often with photos, on any given weekend. I dont like it but can't see a way to avoid it unless you don't ever participate in anything.

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 00:25

I think it's a pretty invasive thing to do and yet so many parents don't think twice about doing it.

Often those same parents would be spitting blood, if someone tagged them in an unflattering photo of them on a night out, without their permission. Or on the beach in a swimsuit or something.

Also, the same parents can be seen complaining about teenage girls posing with 'duck faces' etc, and caring more about their image than their intelligence.

Well errm where did they learn the 'importance' of posting images online for the 'likes' and the 'gawjus hun' comments?

You can't have it both ways and no I don't believe those who say they only post their kid's pics on FB and Instagram so Aunt Nellie in Australia can see them, because there's email or texting for that.

Emphasise · 15/04/2017 00:26

Omg, I've just done it and you also find out where I work,what I do and what my qualifications are. I put nothing personal on social media, but it's all out there.

SunnySideDownUp · 15/04/2017 00:29

I post pictures of my dds on Facebook. I do have my own criteria. No naked or near naked photos, ever. Nothing too embarrassing. I have very restrictive privacy on fb. Nursery aren't allowed to post pictures of her, or any play groups.

SunnySideDownUp · 15/04/2017 00:29

I post pictures of my dds on Facebook. I do have my own criteria. No naked or near naked photos, ever. Nothing too embarrassing. I have very restrictive privacy on fb. Nursery aren't allowed to post pictures of her, or any play groups.

ByeByeBadman · 15/04/2017 00:30

I totally agree Worra.
The posts about a private conversation, where a kid thinks he or she is asking their parents something privately and then said parent records the conversation online for a few likes, really get to me.

That you'd breach the trust of your child being uninhibited in what they ask and say and publically humiliate them, makes me sad.

TealStar · 15/04/2017 00:31

I used to sometimes but then it occurred to me that my dds have a right to their privacy. Now they are teens I ask their permission first and keep security settings tight.

It amazes me how many people don't seem to give a second thought to whether their kids actually want to be on their SM pages and it boggles me more that there are plenty of parents (particularly of the younger generation) who seem quite happy to post publicly.

sonyaya · 15/04/2017 00:32

Fine if you don't want to post pictures of your children but it is fucking ridiculous to suggest anyone reasonable would grow up to give a shit that cute pics of them as a young child were shared with select friends on a social media site.

ByeByeBadman · 15/04/2017 00:34

Why sonyaya?

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 00:36

What is the purpose of it though sonyaya?

Because it's certainly not done for the child's benefit.

It's just an ego boost for parents surely?

And if they need that ego boost from people fawning over photos, why not post pics of themselves, instead of other people who have no say or no understanding of how it might affect them in later life?

WorraLiberty · 15/04/2017 00:38

And I don't agree with 'select friends', considering how many people on MN alone have a ton of FB 'friends' who they don't really like, but felt too awkward to refuse the friend request, or who they briefly worked with many years ago.

Not to mention random school Mums/NCT class members from years ago.

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 00:39

I think it's a little weird that you've been splashing images of your kids online for years, but are "only just" thinking that it might be a problem?

sonyaya · 15/04/2017 00:40

byebyebadman

I'll turn it round. What is the possible harm to an 18 year old that his or her mum's friends saw some pictures of them on Facebook as a baby? I just cannot see the issue. I can see if there is a security issue that might be different.

worraliberty

I don't have children so I have none to post! I assume though that people do it because their friends like to see the photos. I have friends I live a long way from and rarely see so it's nice to see how their kids are getting on. Realistically no one wakes up one day and decides to email all their friends a load of photos. Social media is the simplest way to do it.

How will my Goddaughter be affected in the future that her mother today posted a lovely photo of her by the Easter tree they've made? (She's 18 months). That is a genuine question. I cannot understand how it will make any difference at all to her life.

LouBlue1507 · 15/04/2017 00:42

I don't get the taboo with sharing pics of your children online. I share a few maybe 2 a week so that people can see how she is. It's no more different to showing someone a photograph. I don't have people on my Facebook who I wouldn't be happy showing a photograph to

ByeByeBadman · 15/04/2017 00:44

Probably the same feeling you might get when you see a photo you hate of yourself in public or a recounting of some thing that makes you look stupid.

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DuckOnQuack · 15/04/2017 00:46

I share loads of pics of the kids but nothing embarrassing. My account is private and I'm judicial about my friends list. They are all people who truly are friends. I also have albums which are only shared with close family. It saves me emailing the photos and saves the frustration of elderly relatives in other countries who struggle with email attachments. The kids love looking through my Facebook account at the memories/photos I've shared. The oldest is nearly 14 and he has no objections. If he did I'd take them down.

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 00:48

Of course it's different to showing someone a photograph. It's the equivalent of standing on a street corner and handing out photographs.

sonyaya · 15/04/2017 00:50

Probably the same feeling you might get when you see a photo you hate of yourself in public or a recounting of some thing that makes you look stupid.

Sorry I thought we were talking about photos of babies and young children. I assume you cannot possibly mean your comment to relate to that?

I neither know nor care what photos of me my mum distributed when I was a baby, or how stupid I looked in them (to an extent a baby can ever 'look stupid' in a photo). I am stunned if you are suggesting anyone would. If you are think you are just very precious about your children. That's fine but stop judging other people.

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