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(382 Posts)
wingingitmomma Wed 08-Feb-17 23:20:33

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

monkeymamma Wed 08-Feb-17 23:22:56

Erm, calm down! It's just a wedding 😄

NarkyMcDinkyChops Wed 08-Feb-17 23:24:16

yabvu. Their wedding isn't about you.

ilovesooty Wed 08-Feb-17 23:25:42

Good grief. They can get married how and when they like.

Ameliablue Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:24

Two months isn't that close, how long do you expect them to wait?

IMissGrannyW Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:25

But I'm guessing all your OH's relatives will have to pay to go to their wedding which may leave them too skint to attend yours?

Is the OH Dbro older than your OH by chance?

Ilovecaindingle Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:35

Just think of it like this - if she is busy sticking her beak in their wedding plans then she is keeping it out of your business.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:43

Sorry ignoring all the wedding stuff because, well, it's very silly... you seem to be annoyed because your mil didn't use your toilet??

Are you quite ok?

OwlinaTree Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:54

My mum's sister booked hers for two weeks before my mum. She still hasn't got over it! So YANBU. You will have to say sorry we won't be able to come because we will be saving for our own wedding.

ShesAStar Wed 08-Feb-17 23:26:55

It's two months before your wedding, not two days. It won't overshadow your wedding. If you can't afford to go don't go, it's no big deal, you can have a lovely relaxing weekend and look at the photos when they get back smile

ThinkAboutItTomorrow Wed 08-Feb-17 23:27:06

A 10 hour flight will mean very few guests I suspect so it's not going to 'steal your thunder' if yours is a big do back home. They are just slipping away to get married abroad a bit before you.
Shame you can't go but it's not the end of the world. Just wish them well and focus on your own day.

unfortunateevents Wed 08-Feb-17 23:27:46

Well you have the perfect excuse not to go to their wedding. I wouldn't sweat it, very few people can afford to attend a destination wedding so there is unlikely to be much overlap of guests and even if there is, they will be completely different types of wedding so no-one is going to compare or care.

BlondeBecky1983 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:27:52

It's just a wedding, the same as yours is just a wedding. Their day is theirs and your day is yours!

melj1213 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:28:03

YABU - they picked a date that suited them and it happened to be before yours.

If it was a destination wedding booked for the day before your wedding you might have a point but it's two months FFS!

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Wed 08-Feb-17 23:28:04

Although obviously I would make sure all my invitations went out tomorrow wink

TheCraicDealer Wed 08-Feb-17 23:28:31

If it's a destination wedding then you won't be the only ones unable to make it. Most people who are invited probably won't go unless it's amazing. So really what's changed? Let them get married their way, and you do it your way.

MsVestibule Wed 08-Feb-17 23:28:48

Are you annoyed that it's a destination wedding so you are unable to attend, or that it's two months before yours? Would it bother you less if it was two months after but you still couldn't afford to attend?

They will be completely different types of wedding, so it's not as if people will he directly comparing them.

Kateallison16 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:28:50

A bit unreasonable.
End of the day I guess the timing isn't perfect but they have just as much of a right to marry whenever they like as you do.
I doubt it was to upstage you, I doubt you were a factor tbh.

I think you need to chill out. It's a wedding. It's about marrying the person you love, not who is up staging who.

RJnomore1 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:30:14

Is it in Maui?

SissySpacekAteMyHamster Wed 08-Feb-17 23:30:41

I get why you're pissed off OP. It's not the done thing at all.

My SIL did this and it meant me and OH couldn't attend as we were busy paying get for our own wedding and had nothing spare for a weekend away.

Nocabbageinmyeye Wed 08-Feb-17 23:30:56

If it was a surprise visit them how come you had the loo cleaned for her to inspect <misses point of thread>

Ah look you get a wedding "day", a few days before and after maybe too but two months is a long time so yabu really, that said I wouldn't be going to theirs given the expense when saving for my own but then I am sure they will understand that if you decide not to go

Astro55 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:31:06

It would annoy me too!

Doubt many will go if it's so far, don't worry if you can't affford to go - it's the choice they've made

seven201 Wed 08-Feb-17 23:31:12


Floralnomad Wed 08-Feb-17 23:32:52

YABU and a bit ridiculous , if you can't afford to go ,you can't go . It would appear that you like to be the centre of attention .

Brokenbiscuit Wed 08-Feb-17 23:34:49

OP, their wedding is about them, not about you. It's a shame that the timing doesn't work for you, but it isn't like they have picked the same date!

If you can't make it, just let them know that and wish them well. It won't spoil your special day unless you let that happen.

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