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Friend blocked me for not helping her

(184 Posts)
colaflower Fri 03-Feb-17 17:33:14

I'm fuming

Long time friend (over 5 yrs anyway) was in an abusive relationship, two lovely dcs, I've got a ds, they all get on well. I supported her (and vice versa!), there for someone to chat to and kept telling her to GTFO when her ex was being violent towards her. She moved away from him and alls cushty apart from him trying to get contact with kids. Its gone to family court and I have been a witness for her (although not called to stand I have been in court and have given statements etc)

She messaged me a couple of weeks ago saying it was back in court (which I'd known about for a couple of months) and I replied saying that I didn't think I would be able to help this time (FIL in hospital having a kidney removed as he has cancer, we have no family to help with childcare and I couldn't find a childcare provider as our town has very little provision. I also have no car so I can't drop ds off anywhere and my husband is unable to take time off work at the moment as he has to be able to get away short notice for his father just in case)

She went ballistic with me, shouting (ALL CAPS) in texts saying that she didn't know what to do, its all been called etc etc. She's got to speak to her solicitor etc etc

I wouldn't have been able to attend court anyways as I was signed off work due to having hand foot mouth virus (freaking sore) and I went to send her a message to see how things went and she's deleted me from facebook and blocked me from whatsapp.

AIBU for wanting to talk to her solicitor and tell her not to bother contacting me again and I want everything I've done to help her removed from file?

Husband has said good, she's nothing but trouble (hes always had that feeling about her) I've saved all her messages to file and deleted them from my phone.

I can't believe how petty she's been- yes, I said I could help her but I really couldn't help her this one time and she's the one who's being moody?!

TL:DR version-
Friend flipped out and blocked me from FB as I couldn't go to court one time to support her.

Shoxfordian Fri 03-Feb-17 17:36:21

If it's in court then you can be summonsed to attend I think

Maudlinmaud Fri 03-Feb-17 17:41:17

Well if she has blocked and deleted you, is there any point contacting her solicitor to say anything. Sometimes least said easiest mended. She has flipped out due to all the stress probably.

nannyplumislostinspace Fri 03-Feb-17 17:44:22

Yabu. Can you not see how important this will be to her? You will likely be summonsed anyway.

laurzj82 Fri 03-Feb-17 17:45:32

Sorry OP but I'd have been pissed at you too. Especially if you've been involved in the case and knew about it for months. Is this a reverse?

VladmirsPoutine Fri 03-Feb-17 17:46:33

If you are summoned then this is all basically school-playground behaviour. You'll have to attend.

CripsSandwiches Fri 03-Feb-17 17:46:49

Did she want you as moral support or as a witness? I think YWBU to not act as a witness but if it was "just" hand holding I can understand. Either way her reaction is obviously excessive but not knowing her I can't tell if it's just stress making her behave in an out of character way or whether she's just normally irate.

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers Fri 03-Feb-17 17:48:01

Ignore the friend. Rather than be civil or discuss how to support you coming to court with her, she's thrown her toys out the pram.

YouTheCat Fri 03-Feb-17 17:48:29

I reckon a critically sick close relative trumps the friend.

They have the OP's statements. She cannot just magic childcare out of thin air.

emsler Fri 03-Feb-17 17:51:20

YABU. It's not like this is a favour like babysitting or whatever; it's a court case where presumably custody of her children will be decided. And YABVU to threaten to remove the evidence you've given from her file (if that's even possible) - especially given her ex was abusive. Would you really want to potentially endanger her children over her throwing a strop in a time of stress?

emsler Fri 03-Feb-17 17:52:11

Unless I've totally misunderstood the purpose of the court case / your role in it!

colaflower Fri 03-Feb-17 17:56:29

She's normally a moody cow tbf, shes been on about her dd being 'disabled' as she has a peanut allergy (yes i know it can be life threatening but its not life limiting if you are careful), feeds the kids junk and wonders why they are hyperactive and rude to her.

She must have spoken to solicitor as I wasn't called- haven't received any paperwork and it should have been in court this week hence why I was going to message her. Last time I was called to court I had THREE days to find childcare it was a bloody miracle I managed it! (hows that reasonable notice?!)

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter Fri 03-Feb-17 17:59:54

Whose looking after your friend's DC when she's in court - could she ask them to look after your DS as well seeing as you need the childcare to help her?

Chillyegg Fri 03-Feb-17 18:00:19

Tbf id be pissed at you. If your summond to court your summond yo court you have a moral duty to provide eveidence. So quite frankly id go around and apolagise. If you work how do you usually find child care?

KinkyAfro Fri 03-Feb-17 18:00:33

You don't sound very nice at all and very judgey, she'll be better of without you

summerbreezer Fri 03-Feb-17 18:00:56

As a lawyer, I think it depends very much on what the hearing is and how central your role would be. If it just to support her, then YANBU.

If it is a final hearing, in which a determination about (for example, contact) will be made, then it may be that you need to be there to give evidence and be cross examined.

I am not a family lawyer, but if it was the latter and the court would not agree to an adjournment then I am afraid I would summons you to court.

You can't be "deleted from the file" - if you have made a witness statement, then you can still be summonsed to court.

Her response was OTT but it does sound like she is in a stressful situation at the moment and everyone hates going to court. A little sympathy and latitude probably wouldn't go amiss.

colaflower Fri 03-Feb-17 18:01:21

court thing was to argue against her ex getting overnight contact- I haven't seen her much in the last year as we live in different towns and obviously kids go to different schools- staying in touch by text is not the same as seeing someone regularly to gauge how them seeing their dad is affecting them and tbf there are other mums and folk closer to her that would be more help to her at the moment, she only wanted me as a witness as I knew her ex from when me and her first met.

Californiasoul Fri 03-Feb-17 18:01:55

Why are you friends with her? You don't seem to even like her. Yes, you should prioritise this as you've been involved all along which was your choice. I'd be fucked off with you too.

colaflower Fri 03-Feb-17 18:04:23

I work late nights or when my ds is in school (flexible working and I'm studying for a degree full time), i live in one town, she lives in another and court is half an hr travel from both- without transport I cant be back to pick up my ds from school and I was supposed to be in court til 4pm but school finishes at 3,20

summerbreezer Fri 03-Feb-17 18:04:25

is not the same as seeing someone regularly to gauge how them seeing their dad is affecting them and tbf there are other mums and folk closer to her that would be more help to her at the moment, she only wanted me as a witness as I knew her ex from when me and her first met

But this is not your decision to make - particularly if she is represented. It may be the solicitor is calling a variety of witnesses to show the sustained nature of the abuse.

dustarr73 Fri 03-Feb-17 18:04:45

Op has her own family emergency,her fil has cancer.Its not like she blew the friend off to ave her hair done.As bad as it is ,sometimes you have to prioritise your own stuff.

WhatWouldLeslieKnopeDo Fri 03-Feb-17 18:08:52

I think it would be really petty to ask for the things you've provided to be removed. Whatever you think of her, I can't believe you would risk her children's safety just to get back at her hmm

It seems melodramatic to contact her solicitor. She's blocked you so she's unlikely to contact you, and if she does you can just ignore her.

I can see why she is upset, but it does seem a bit unfair to block you. Then again, you seem quite judgemental in your second post. Perhaps you are both better off without each other!

Cheby Fri 03-Feb-17 18:09:28

You want to remove everything from her file?! The presumably truthful information you gave about her abusive violent ex?

So you want to increase the chances of her abusive, violent ex getting access to her children?

Really? You really think that's an appropriate response to your friend who is panicking lashing out because she feels your lack of support might mean her ABUSIVE, VIOLENT ex gets overnight access to her children?

(I have repeated myself because really, I can not believe you are asking).

228agreenend Fri 03-Feb-17 18:09:46

I think she is being unreasonable. You hadn't actually promised to help her, and you have your own family to worry about. It sounds like,you have been very supportive in the past.

tooclosetocall Fri 03-Feb-17 18:12:33

Friend over-reacted due to stress imo but blocking on Facebook over it is childish.
Think you're well rid, OP.
You've given statements in the past but now with the new overnight request, well you don't see her or her DC's regularly and only communicate via text (and Facebook) so I can't see why she needs you as witness confused
If you are summoned though, then of course you should go. In the meantime put your friendship with her in the past.
Is it likely she will resurface and contact you again?

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