To not punish my daughter for answering honestly/telling the truth (Father Christmas related)

[iProcrastinate]

To cut a long story short! My DD(7.5) hasn't believed in Father Christmas for a couple of years, we never made a big deal about this and I just let her make her own mind up. We still do a Santa letter, and leave out a mince pie with the stocking, that's tradition; and you'll struggle to find a kid who loves Christmas as much as she does! I won't bore you with why we don't make a big deal over it!

DD is under strict instructions NOT to go around telling other children that he isn't real. I don't think that she would, But she has also been taught that to lie is wrong......

So DD and her class have recently moved into Yr3 at school, so they share a play ground with the older kids. DD and a friend of hers were asked, by an older child, do they think Father Christmas is real. DD answered no. That night I got a furious message from the mother of the friend, saying that DD could have 'ruined their Christmases', but fortunately she has managed to 'repair the damage', and could I reprimand DD. I apologised but said that I would speak to her about this but not punish her. She answered honestly.

AIBU not to punish her? At what age do kids start questioning the Father Christmas thing? Surely it must be a hot topic of conversation at this age? DD can't be the only 7yr old out there who doesn't believe.

[GazingAtStars]

I'd ignore the woman tbh. It's not like your dd went round telling all the other children he isn't real, she just answered a question

[kipkipkip]

I wouldn't punish her, it's not your Dd's responsibility to perpetuate a (white) lie that adults have made up

The mum is being precious imo.

[iProcrastinate]

Forgot to say! I have told her in future to just not answer!

[Eolian]

YANBU. Your daughter just gave her opinion when asked for it. Doesn't mean the other children will necessarily agree with her. It's totally different from just going up to a child who totally believes and saying "Did you know, FC isn't real."

[yougetme]

I wouldnt say anything at all to DD if it was me. She answered a question thats all. The older child must have had a reason to ask and was given your DDs opinion. If shes so persuasive with a simple reply she might have a great career in sales one day.

[gingerh4ir]

but why would you punish her? I wouldn't have engaged with the other mum and apologised at all. Dd was asked and responded. Apart from that, they are Y3. Would have thought they know by then. My youngest worked out at 3 that FC is fiction.

[Scooby20]

Hmm. Honestly I think as she was asked her opinion and gave it, you shouldn't tell her not to answer in future.

Unless she followed it up with 'I know he isn't real, my mum has admitted it and he definitely isn't real'.

All she did was give her opinion. I don't think dd ever believed a man came down the chimney and left presents tbh. There was no big admission, she has always viewed it as a tradition not real life. I wouldnt expect her to not join in a conversation because her opinion maybe unpopular.

[Scooby20]

My reply would have been that maybe her child needs to stop asking for opinions if they don't actually want them.

[Gallopingthundercunt]

It's tricky isn't it?
DS answered honestly when asked as he has been bought up to tell the truth. It's a shame really that it was his younger step-cousins who asked him on Christmas Eve

Strangely, we've never been as welcome since that day

[willconcern]

FFS. Agree with PP - your DD answered a question. From an older child who presumably is questioning this herself. Rather different to a child who deliberately sets out to spoil another's fun. The other mum is being silly.

[EdmundCleverClogs]

The mother was totally unreasonable. Most 7-8 year olds don't believe, or find out around this point. It's not like your daughter went out of her way to say so, and the friend 'still believes', so no harm done. Sounds like this mum is one of those parents.

[iProcrastinate]

Thanks everyone :)

I didn't punish DD, just reminded her not to say :)

All the parents I've spoken to face to face around here seem to be of the 'when a child doesn't BELIEVE anymore their life is FUCKED and they'll never be happy again' crowd. It's reassuring that I'm not the only one who isn't!

[x2boys]

well if the older child is questioning it then they are probably starting to doubt it too ? ds1 is nearly ten and has been saying for a couple of years some kids didnt beleive in father xmas he chose however to continue to beleive this year is the first year he knows definatley there is no father xamas but apparently half his class [yr 5 ] still beleive.

[Happymumof3tob]

Dont worry about it. Finding out father xmas isnt real isnt going to do that child any psychological damage. I know its nice and everything but never really understood why we have lied to kids all these years about it.... we are a muslim household so we dont do it anyway. But ny mum did for us. And i never understood why. Ds knows hes not real. He is 3 ish. But he hasnt told anyone this. He isnt bothered. He gets presents from us. He doesnt need a fat made up man to give him gifts.

[w4nnabesahm]

I am that the other mum asks you to punish your DD. non of her business at all.

[Wellmeetontheledge]

I'm 23 and my parents still stay up later than me on Christmas Eve and 'magically' I have a stocking on Christmas Day ;)
Like you say- it's about the tradition more than the belief.

[user1477282676]

"most 7-8 year olds don't believe"

They do where I'm from!

[Cosmicglitterghoul]

I can't believe that mum would lay the blame of her DD questioning the existence of Santa at your DD's door. She's unhinged. Errrr, yeeeeah.

[Wolpertinger]

7-8 is a perfectly normal age to realise that FC is not real. There may be a couple of years where your parents think you believe but the child is maintaining pretence, or there is uncertainty but belief is not on the same level as a 3 year old but is a normal age for the belief to start going.

Other mum needs to look at herself in the mirror.

[ErrolTheDragon]

Oh fgs, most kids stop 'believing' in santa at about this age, if not before. The other mother is being ridiculous. IMO your DD did nothing wrong at all, answering a question honestly.

[Ohdearducks]

My child has come home saying there's no Santa before and I simply said 'not everybody believes and that's ok.'
What the fuck is that woman on? You were far more polite than I'd have been!

[BratFarrarsPony]

honestly do not even engage with this woman , she is batshit crazy.

[Bountybarsyuk]

Ridiculous behaviour by the other mum, of course children at primary school hear rumours and discuss Father Christmas and if he's real, if her children were so convinced he was real, they wouldn't be asking other children for confirmation, would they?

I wouldn't reply at all, except take it up with the school if you have any issues with things that happen during school time.

Obviously she won't as it would make her look completely stupid!