To Think There are Worse Things I Could Be Than Fat??

[SlimbobJones]

RAGE!

My colleagues were having a very loud conversation this morning about things they dreaded being "when they grew up"... 6 out of 10 of them said "Fat and ugly" or "fat" or "old and fat" etc etc etc...

I'm fat and always have been. I'm not channel 5 documentary standards yet but I'm currently in the process of shifting about 9 stone (1.5 stone down, whoop!). I'm also their line manager although we have a pretty relaxed office environment.

AIBU to think there are far worse things to be than fat?? I have a lovely life and haven't been held back by the fact I'm overweight one little bit. I also have no health issues but completely recognize this might change in the future, hence the weight loss efforts.

Anyway, the discussion continued onto how awful it must be for all those fat people and I casually asked what they considered "fat"... SIZE 16! I'd bloody love to be a 16 (I'm in 20's at the moment). I could understand their point if they were on about the morbidly, life limitingly obese and yes, that must be awful but a size 16??

Some of the most awful things they said (they knew I was in ear shot)

"How do they have sex?"
"I can't imagine hauling that much weight around"
"Why don't they just stop eating, it's killing them!"
"They can't do anything other than sit at home eating"
"I saw a fat girl at the gym and she was panting after 3 mins walking on the treadmill"

I think it's the "THEY" I object to, I'm not part of a different species!

As a team we get on pretty well, they are all under 30 (as am I) and from their feedback are pretty happy with me as a manager, so I'm loathed to pull them up on it :( should I?

Now I can't help thinking they all think those things about me and that I'm a big fat lazy lump they all feel sorry for

[Sugarlightly]

I am fat - size 20/22. I am beautiful. I don't enjoy discussing anything to do with weight with people that are not a similar size to me. I work very hard to love my body and myself, "I'm so fat" and "I need to lose weight" from people that are almost half my body size can wait until I'm not around.

[Thefitfatty]

Regardless of body shape/size, i think all people have amazing unique qualities and are beautiful in their own way.

Exactly. It's a bit late for me to talk about what I don't want to be when I "grow up" but if someone asked me what I don't want my children to be when they grow up I would say vain, obsessed with their looks, judgemental, and bullying.

I would rather they be fat and confident, kind, and open minded than thin and vain, bullying and judgemental.

[marvelousdcomics]

YANBU! I'm sorry you heard all of that You sound like a wonderful person! I am completely against body shaming. People seem to only notice that obesity is on the rise, and turn a blind eye to eating disorders as a result of comments like that. My DD has a history of eating disorders (has one at the mo - binge eating), and the amount of body shaming she hears around is horrible for her. Of course there's worse things than being fat. Regardless of body shape/size, i think all people have amazing unique qualities and are beautiful in their own way. Hope you're okay OP, and well done on the weight loss!!

[Euripidesralph]

I cannot bear ignorance towards weight or any other personal attribute....I really don't see how it is ever ok to personalise any concerns in regards to issues such as obesity
...ultimately the concerns about the "obesity issue" is the impact on health services....then campaign for more money into the NHS and better efficiency not target people who may be overweight (plus bugger the arbitrary guidelines of what size is fat....that's ridiculous.....one set of random people agreed on clothes sizes ...they do not define someone's health)

I have recently lost 5.5 stone and have gone from very overweight to a body that personally suits me....I love wearing different clothes and feeling better.....but woe betide any "fat" shamers in front of me

I had some in my team (op I'm a manager too) who amusingly decided to try to cosy up by considering me on the "thin" team....I have to say it didn't end well for them and they got a flea in the ear

If you are a close group then I get why you might choose your time and way of dealing with it but grrr I really have no respect for fat shamers....I would personally query their work attitude .....if they discriminate once then would they do it over something else as well?

[icanteven]

You seem to be on it regarding your weight, and that is fantastic. I am pretty shocked at your colleagues' behaviour though. They were being directly and quite devastatingly rude and HIGHLY unprofessional.

If you had been a client, within earshot of all of those comments, I think it would be safe to say that you would be removing your business and any future business from the company, right? And under those circumstances I think the staff in question would be facing a disciplinary of some kind.

They were behaving like little children on a bus who loudly ask WHY DOES THAT MAN HAVE NO HAIR? and much like little children, they need to be educated on what is appropriate and what is bloody not.

I know you are reluctant to call them on it because you get on well, but as a line manager, you have the authority to turn this into a lesson on professionalism in the workplace, and I think you should use it.

I'm really cross on your behalf here. You're taking it good humour, but it's okay to be a bit pissed off, and to act on it, I think.

[scampimom]

I try not to think of myself as "fat". I prefer the term "bouncy".

You're entitled to have opinions about "the obesity crisis" as a general issue. You're never entitled to mock, scoff or sneer at people.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

Whatever floats your boat, Slimbob

[SlimbobJones]

While a discussion about obesity is not wrong in itself, comments like "how do they have sex" are out of line and fucking rude

I did have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying "Hanging from the ceiling, covered head to tow in margarine basted like a turkey"

[Sparklesilverglitter]

I don't understand why society thinks it's ok to pick on and make fun of overweight people. I'm not overweight myself but my Mum has struggled with her weight over the years, yes she was overweight but she is a bloody lovely, warm and kind women. Mum has lost the weight now and she still lovely but the people that said cruel things to her will always be nasty fuckers!

There are so many worse things to be than overweight. I'd take being overweight any day rather than be a Nasty fucker and pick on people, and make them feel bad

While a discussion about obesity is not wrong in itself, comments like "how do they have sex" are out of line and fucking rude

OP all the best with your weight loss

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Or to put it another way, the fact that there is an obesity crisis is absolutely no excuse for being rude to or about overweight people.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Just as it's fine to vocalise your fears of developing dementia, it wouldn't be socially acceptable to jeer at a person suffering with dementia or show your disgust.

This

[Mynestisfullofempty]

PoppyBirdOnAWire "Is JK Rowling fat? "

What's that got to do with it?

[SlimbobJones]

estateagentfromhell I agree with you on almost everything, especially your point about it being an addiction, but I don't agree that it's entirely self inflicted.

I have been overweight since I was 18 months old. At 7, my Mum put me on slim fast shakes (it was the 90's).

At 8, I started stashing and eating food secretly because food was banned outside of mealtimes and became a rebellion, a treat to myself and yes, an addiction.

And so began my completely fucked up relationship with food. I was never given a chance to develop a healthy attitude to eating and assigned more emotional and mental weight to food than is healthy from the age of about 5.

That's how you hit 10 stone at 10 years old and 19 stone aged 25.

I never had the chance to develop a healthy relationship with food because ALL food was prohibited or restricted throughout my childhood.

I am, however very much responsible for not tackling this sooner but I didnt understand it until I had CBT for a completely unrelated problem with anxiety, then the penny dropped for some reason and I started fixing my relationship with food as a side effect of the CBT.

Obesity is a social issue but it is wholeheartedly NOT self inflicted in a lot of cases and seeing it as such could narrow the field of opportunity for people to get help.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

OP's colleagues are just as entitied to (voice their fears) regarding obesity

There's nothing wrong with discussing obesity or debating how it can be avoided but I'm not sure that was what was going on here. I think it was more of a pisstake of fat people, "How do they have sex? ha ha, They can't even walk on a treadmill" and so on.

I agree with you, there's no point putting our heads in the sand over an obesity crisis but that was just plain rude and derogatory.
Just as it's fine to vocalise your fears of developing dementia, it wouldn't be socially acceptable to jeer at a person suffering with dementia or show your disgust.

[SlimbobJones]

PoppyBirdOnAWire I don't want to shout you down because I opened a discussion and, quite rightly, you are sharing your opinion that happens to be the other side of the coin to my own but I think the answer to your begging question is this:

Being vile, hurtful, narc etc are outwardly troublesome to society, in that they hurt OTHERS more than they hurt yourself. My fatness never hurt anyones feelings, never bullied anyone and never made anyone feel small (well.. not mentally small, I can dwarf a rugby player physically )

I personally think it's much more important to teach our kids not to bully, not to judge others and not to hate and when I have kids and they grow up I'd be far more disappointed if I raised awful humans than if I raised fat ones.

Maybe if we all raised good people and taught them to lift each other up, there wouldnt be so many people who turn to food for comfort and ate their way out of sadness. I'm not one of those people luckily, I eat through addiction and a few other boring reasons but I'd probably be a lot thinner now if I'd worked out a few years ago that being fat didn't make me worth less than everyone else. I thought for a long time I didn't deserve to be healthy and that my obesity was "who I am". A lot of my identity was based on my fatness growing up. That's hard.

[estateagentfromhell]

...far worse things a person can be than fat

Obesity isn't a personality trait though. It is an addiction IMO and needs to be treated much the same as one would alcoholism or drug dependency; with sympathy and support, but honesty and straightforwardness too.

[estateagentfromhell]

I think its more to do with how obesity has somehow been conflated with appearance, hence people who comment negatively on other people's obesity are considered 'shallow'.

Obesity is a social problem, one for which we all have to take responsibility and one upon which is is perfectly valid to hold an opinion.

I also listened to Call You and Yours today and was quite shocked with the pussyfooting around the issue; we really need to separate what is a self-induced life-limiting condition from what an individual looks like. They really aren't the same at all.

I dread getting cancer, or dementia as I age and feel perfectly entitled to voice these fears. OP's colleagues are just as entitled to do the same regarding obesity. Admittedly they were insensitive to discuss them within earshot of OP, but the debate does need to be had IMO.

[Thingmcthingyface]

OP you sound awesome.

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Poppy JK Rowling isn't talking about herself. It's a comment on there being far worse things a person can be than fat.

OP I reckon you should print out the Rowling quote and stick it up in the kitchen.

[Thefitfatty]

it begs the question why anyone can condone fatness as being no worse than certain unpleasant character traits?

Because a persons appearance should not be a judgement on their character/education/value?

Surely that's what we are trying to teach our kids? You don't judge a book by it's cover an all that?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

It's the vitriol, the shaming and the laughing at fat people that is the problem, Poppy. Fat people are one part of society that are fair game for poking fun at, jeering at or criticising.

Sharon Osbourne was quoted as saying, "You get more sympathy and understanding being a drug addict, than being fat."

I don't agree with much she says , but I do agree with that.

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

I caught some of a Radio 4 piece on Call
You and Yours earlier, about the problem of fat children and how to tackle it.
A couple of things struck me. One caller said that at her primary child's school show, she considered that about half of the children there - out of about 110 - were overweight. The programme's presenter stated a 1 in 3 figure for the U.K.
This is shocking, frankly, and it begs the question why anyone can condone fatness as being no worse than certain unpleasant character traits?

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

"shumway

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.” J.K Rowling."

Is JK Rowling fat?

[ClarkL]

Actually, I believe you should pull them up on it, especially as their manager. It doesn't have to be harsh, but you can pull them all aside and have a very frank conversation about what is and isn't appropriate at work. I would say something along the lines of "Having overheard your conversation earlier regarding fat people I feel the need to remind you all of the workplace equality policy. It is quite plain to see I am overweight and whilst I haven't taken your comments to heart at the point of you discussing you had no idea if I was sensitive about my weight or not, if I was feeling particularly low today or sensitive about my weight. I will not tolerate any office discussions about any matters about a persons appearance be it generic 'fat people' or about a specific person. It can be seen as workplace bullying and that is not behaviour I want to see. I am disappointed in the attitude you have all displayed"