To Think There are Worse Things I Could Be Than Fat??

[SlimbobJones]

RAGE!

My colleagues were having a very loud conversation this morning about things they dreaded being "when they grew up"... 6 out of 10 of them said "Fat and ugly" or "fat" or "old and fat" etc etc etc...

I'm fat and always have been. I'm not channel 5 documentary standards yet but I'm currently in the process of shifting about 9 stone (1.5 stone down, whoop!). I'm also their line manager although we have a pretty relaxed office environment.

AIBU to think there are far worse things to be than fat?? I have a lovely life and haven't been held back by the fact I'm overweight one little bit. I also have no health issues but completely recognize this might change in the future, hence the weight loss efforts.

Anyway, the discussion continued onto how awful it must be for all those fat people and I casually asked what they considered "fat"... SIZE 16! I'd bloody love to be a 16 (I'm in 20's at the moment). I could understand their point if they were on about the morbidly, life limitingly obese and yes, that must be awful but a size 16??

Some of the most awful things they said (they knew I was in ear shot)

"How do they have sex?"
"I can't imagine hauling that much weight around"
"Why don't they just stop eating, it's killing them!"
"They can't do anything other than sit at home eating"
"I saw a fat girl at the gym and she was panting after 3 mins walking on the treadmill"

I think it's the "THEY" I object to, I'm not part of a different species!

As a team we get on pretty well, they are all under 30 (as am I) and from their feedback are pretty happy with me as a manager, so I'm loathed to pull them up on it :( should I?

Now I can't help thinking they all think those things about me and that I'm a big fat lazy lump they all feel sorry for

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

God the arrogance of youth! Console yourself that most of them will be overweight by the time they hit their late thirties. It's easy to stay slim in your twenties but bloody hard work once you hit 40!

Congratulations on your weight loss and for holding your tongue over their thoughtless comments.

[BusterGonad]

Good for you SlimbobJones, don't let anyone determine your happiness. Good luck with the regime but by the sounds of it it doesn't matter if you lose weight or not as you sound wonderful just as you are x

[ftw]

Look at it this way - the worse thing they can imagine is already your reality, and you're still happy, you're getting married, you have a sense of humour (and you're their boss), so you totally win.

[mycatstares]

My God that's awful!!! I'm naturally slim but I eat like an elephant so I'm sure that I won't stay thing forever. Doesn't faze me at all, as long as my health is ok that's all that matters.

What shallow shallow people but your the lucky one. You have a lovely look on life, you can see past looks which is a wonderful personality trait to have.

When your colleagues get older their looks will fade as will their bodies and they will be left very bitter about everything in life.

[SallyGardens]

"How do they have sex?"

"I've had no complaints so far!"

I'd wouldn't be able to stop myself, even if I was eavesdropping. It might make them think twice about what they're saying.

[HalfShellHero]

I'm very fat, younger than you op out of my , I easily have the most sorted screwed on life, married, job, dh has gd job , 2 healthy kids, our own house in a lovely area, good family , friends etc, ....most of my 'hotter' friends are still waiting for a text back ...screw em op! Well done with the weight loss.

[pandapandipando]

I came back to work five months after having my child. I only left work 4 days before having said child. Anyway a new colleague who only started 2 months before I left couldn't stop going on on how fat I was during pregnancy and how much weight I had lost. Hmm yea I was fucking pregnant. Two weeks later she announced she was joining a gym and going on a diet. My point is some people have no filter in their mouths, have zero common sense, and project their own insecurities.

[RoseGoldHippie]

I hate that- they are giving all their opinions on how these people should loose weight (just stop eating! FFS!) yet laugh at people at the gym who are trying to change things.

I'm fat I want to loose weight and am trying hard but being thin will not make me a better human being, nor does being fat make me a worse one!

Well done on your loss so far! Just try to ignore the haters!

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

YANBU My son's friend has a mum who is very overweight. Some of the other mums have commented. She is very warm, kind and funny, very successful professionally and a fantastic mum. She also has a great style. But all some people can notice is her weight. It says much more about them to be honest.

[ClarkL]

Actually, I believe you should pull them up on it, especially as their manager. It doesn't have to be harsh, but you can pull them all aside and have a very frank conversation about what is and isn't appropriate at work. I would say something along the lines of "Having overheard your conversation earlier regarding fat people I feel the need to remind you all of the workplace equality policy. It is quite plain to see I am overweight and whilst I haven't taken your comments to heart at the point of you discussing you had no idea if I was sensitive about my weight or not, if I was feeling particularly low today or sensitive about my weight. I will not tolerate any office discussions about any matters about a persons appearance be it generic 'fat people' or about a specific person. It can be seen as workplace bullying and that is not behaviour I want to see. I am disappointed in the attitude you have all displayed"

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

"shumway

“Is 'fat' really the worst thing a human being can be? Is 'fat' worse than 'vindictive', 'jealous', 'shallow', 'vain', 'boring' or 'cruel'? Not to me.” J.K Rowling."

Is JK Rowling fat?

[PoppyBirdOnAWire]

I caught some of a Radio 4 piece on Call
You and Yours earlier, about the problem of fat children and how to tackle it.
A couple of things struck me. One caller said that at her primary child's school show, she considered that about half of the children there - out of about 110 - were overweight. The programme's presenter stated a 1 in 3 figure for the U.K.
This is shocking, frankly, and it begs the question why anyone can condone fatness as being no worse than certain unpleasant character traits?

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

It's the vitriol, the shaming and the laughing at fat people that is the problem, Poppy. Fat people are one part of society that are fair game for poking fun at, jeering at or criticising.

Sharon Osbourne was quoted as saying, "You get more sympathy and understanding being a drug addict, than being fat."

I don't agree with much she says , but I do agree with that.

[Thefitfatty]

it begs the question why anyone can condone fatness as being no worse than certain unpleasant character traits?

Because a persons appearance should not be a judgement on their character/education/value?

Surely that's what we are trying to teach our kids? You don't judge a book by it's cover an all that?

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Poppy JK Rowling isn't talking about herself. It's a comment on there being far worse things a person can be than fat.

OP I reckon you should print out the Rowling quote and stick it up in the kitchen.

[Thingmcthingyface]

OP you sound awesome.

[estateagentfromhell]

I think its more to do with how obesity has somehow been conflated with appearance, hence people who comment negatively on other people's obesity are considered 'shallow'.

Obesity is a social problem, one for which we all have to take responsibility and one upon which is is perfectly valid to hold an opinion.

I also listened to Call You and Yours today and was quite shocked with the pussyfooting around the issue; we really need to separate what is a self-induced life-limiting condition from what an individual looks like. They really aren't the same at all.

I dread getting cancer, or dementia as I age and feel perfectly entitled to voice these fears. OP's colleagues are just as entitled to do the same regarding obesity. Admittedly they were insensitive to discuss them within earshot of OP, but the debate does need to be had IMO.

[estateagentfromhell]

...far worse things a person can be than fat

Obesity isn't a personality trait though. It is an addiction IMO and needs to be treated much the same as one would alcoholism or drug dependency; with sympathy and support, but honesty and straightforwardness too.

[SlimbobJones]

PoppyBirdOnAWire I don't want to shout you down because I opened a discussion and, quite rightly, you are sharing your opinion that happens to be the other side of the coin to my own but I think the answer to your begging question is this:

Being vile, hurtful, narc etc are outwardly troublesome to society, in that they hurt OTHERS more than they hurt yourself. My fatness never hurt anyones feelings, never bullied anyone and never made anyone feel small (well.. not mentally small, I can dwarf a rugby player physically )

I personally think it's much more important to teach our kids not to bully, not to judge others and not to hate and when I have kids and they grow up I'd be far more disappointed if I raised awful humans than if I raised fat ones.

Maybe if we all raised good people and taught them to lift each other up, there wouldnt be so many people who turn to food for comfort and ate their way out of sadness. I'm not one of those people luckily, I eat through addiction and a few other boring reasons but I'd probably be a lot thinner now if I'd worked out a few years ago that being fat didn't make me worth less than everyone else. I thought for a long time I didn't deserve to be healthy and that my obesity was "who I am". A lot of my identity was based on my fatness growing up. That's hard.

[ILostItInTheEarlyNineties]

OP's colleagues are just as entitied to (voice their fears) regarding obesity

There's nothing wrong with discussing obesity or debating how it can be avoided but I'm not sure that was what was going on here. I think it was more of a pisstake of fat people, "How do they have sex? ha ha, They can't even walk on a treadmill" and so on.

I agree with you, there's no point putting our heads in the sand over an obesity crisis but that was just plain rude and derogatory.
Just as it's fine to vocalise your fears of developing dementia, it wouldn't be socially acceptable to jeer at a person suffering with dementia or show your disgust.

[SlimbobJones]

estateagentfromhell I agree with you on almost everything, especially your point about it being an addiction, but I don't agree that it's entirely self inflicted.

I have been overweight since I was 18 months old. At 7, my Mum put me on slim fast shakes (it was the 90's).

At 8, I started stashing and eating food secretly because food was banned outside of mealtimes and became a rebellion, a treat to myself and yes, an addiction.

And so began my completely fucked up relationship with food. I was never given a chance to develop a healthy attitude to eating and assigned more emotional and mental weight to food than is healthy from the age of about 5.

That's how you hit 10 stone at 10 years old and 19 stone aged 25.

I never had the chance to develop a healthy relationship with food because ALL food was prohibited or restricted throughout my childhood.

I am, however very much responsible for not tackling this sooner but I didnt understand it until I had CBT for a completely unrelated problem with anxiety, then the penny dropped for some reason and I started fixing my relationship with food as a side effect of the CBT.

Obesity is a social issue but it is wholeheartedly NOT self inflicted in a lot of cases and seeing it as such could narrow the field of opportunity for people to get help.

[Mynestisfullofempty]

PoppyBirdOnAWire "Is JK Rowling fat? "

What's that got to do with it?

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Just as it's fine to vocalise your fears of developing dementia, it wouldn't be socially acceptable to jeer at a person suffering with dementia or show your disgust.

This

[TheColonelAdoresPuffins]

Or to put it another way, the fact that there is an obesity crisis is absolutely no excuse for being rude to or about overweight people.