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To let DS live with my parents.

(217 Posts)
Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:15:59

To cut a long story short, we have had a lot of issues with DS1. Behavioural problems and jealousy towards his 3 younger siblings.

He is 8. The 3 little ones are under 3.
I came to a head yesterday and said to my parents I cannot emotionally or physically carry on with his behaviour, even DH is stressed.

Dad text today stating DS1 can live there Sun-Thurs and we will have him back Friday and Saturday.

I'm not sure what to do, our family will fall apart otherwise but I feel so guilty.

TheWomanTheyCallJayne Fri 26-Aug-16 14:19:20

I wouldn't do it. It sound like he already feels left out and less important. This would validate his (justified by the sounds of it) feelings even more.

WinterIsHereJon Fri 26-Aug-16 14:19:48

Personally I would see that as an absolute last resort, having exhausted every other possible option.

Have you considered parent craft classes etc to help you manage his behaviour? Sometimes outsiders can give a perspective or new way of dealing with things that we hadn't considered from being stuck in the midst of it.

user1471421772 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:20:07

What support are you getting for behavioural problems? What is he like at school? I would really suggest supporting your son - sending him away will make the sibling rivalry much worse. He's your child too.

gamerchick Fri 26-Aug-16 14:20:43

Well to be fair he had your undivided attention for 5 years then 3 more kids came along in quick succession. Sending him away might seem like a good idea at the time but you'll pay for it during the teens and beyond. He'll see it as getting rid of him.

Have you had any outside help?

WinterIsHereJon Fri 26-Aug-16 14:20:53

Im sure many of us have encountered difficulties but without knowing what about his behaviour is so problematic it might be difficult for us to advise

MajesticSeaFlapFlap Fri 26-Aug-16 14:21:18

I dont think further isolating him for his sibling will help

Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:21:18

We have exhuasted proffesional routes and I've done the a pyramid course for dealing with the behaviours.

CanandWill Fri 26-Aug-16 14:21:52

Is your dh is df? I can imagine with three very young siblings he is looking for attention albeit in a negative way.

Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:21:57

He's violent, he attacked my daughter in the car yesterday and split his dad's lip at bedtime. 😔

CanandWill Fri 26-Aug-16 14:22:19

his df

Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:23:30

Yes Canandwill

RubbleBubble00 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:23:48

I'd go with him to counselling first. Must be a huge shock to suddenly have 3 siblings who are essentially all still babies.

Perhaps he could sleepover one night a wk at his grandparents as a treat and have some 1 - 1 time.

Would you or his dad be able to give him one night a wk that's just about him. Take him out alone for tea then play football, amusement arcade ect

MLGs Fri 26-Aug-16 14:24:22

It sounds to me last the absolute worse, thing to do, sorry. Although I know I'm saying that at first blush without all the info.

He is probably craving the attention he had from you for five years as an old child.

How about your parents take the little ones for a day/overnight here and there and he gets some one on one time with you?

Also I wondered whether your DH is his DF (disclaimer, I have a five year gap between my kids, who have same Dad, so not jumping to conclusions here!)

MLGs Fri 26-Aug-16 14:24:50

Sorry - x-post

And i mean worst, not worse.

user1471421772 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:25:03

Has he got CAHMS involvement? What strategies are in place for support/ when he has an outburst?

Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:25:05

He does a treat night with Dad twice a week, monopoly or a film. And he sleeps at grandparents on a Friday as he enjoys going there to play with his uncles who are 13&17.

MLGs Fri 26-Aug-16 14:25:33

Also all the things that rubble said sound good.

gamerchick Fri 26-Aug-16 14:25:44

Does he get one on one time with you, his dad, his grandparents. Some kids need more of it when they're feeling that insecure. I agree some special time with grandparents for just him might help but it's probably you he wants.

Awaitingthedreamboat Fri 26-Aug-16 14:26:31

There are triggers for him, if you ask him to do something he doesn't want to do he will actually just scream repeatedly for 1/2 hours. Every night he screams for 2 hours waking all of the siblings.

gamerchick Fri 26-Aug-16 14:26:47

Does he get any time with just you?

DelicatePreciousThing1 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:26:52

No, that is absolutely not the right thing to do. Your child is only eight years old and what you call his jealousy is probably quite understandable.
You need help with parenting, as others have said, but you cannot turn your back on this child. Parenting is about acceptance and coping. You gave to have the strength to do the right thing.

RubbleBubble00 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:26:56

He sounds like a very cross little boy. Any diagnosis made when he saw professionals? Is he like this at school?

I'd be tempted to love bomb him. Middle ds used to hurt his siblings as it got him lots of negative attention and proved to his own mind we loved his siblings more as was comforted him becuase they were hurt.

DelicatePreciousThing1 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:27:22

...have to have the strength...

RubbleBubble00 Fri 26-Aug-16 14:27:29

Him = them

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