They think I avoided buying rounds

[Rosamund1]

I went out on a night out on Friday with people I know through a friend. DD was with grandma for the weekend. We met at the house (DH dropped me off) and I brought a bottle of vodka (good quality £25+) for 'pre-drinks'. They were drinking southern comfort and lemonade so I just had that and left the bottle there. I put in £5 towards the £20 taxi. There were seven of us and somehow a few got rounds in early. We were on the dance floor and three times someone came with a full round and shots; after having shots I was getting drunk so I decided to have water only. They had bought about five rounds an no one was getting more. I kept going to the bar for water and j was the worse for wear as I don't get out much and my tolerance has gone down so I overestimated my capacity. On the way home they stopped for a kebab, I had a few chips but didn't pay. I fell asleep in the taxi and they dropped me off home (didn't pay for that). My house is walking distance from where we were so at night max charge of £5.

There is a whatsup group we use to plan the nights out but no one is on if which makes me think there is another group I've been excluded from.

1. I should have got vas out for the kebab even though I wasn't having any.
   
2. I did fall over once (that's when I went on the water) and was not sick or anything - I do not have memory gaps so I think it was the 'being tight' rather than drunkenness causing the chill.
   

Now no one is talking to me and they think I was going to the bar to buy my own drinks I think. How do I mitigate the damage done? I posted on the group that 'it was nice to see everyone and hoped they had fun.' But only one person answered saying 'Yes, thanks' . That was two days ago.

[SpecialAgentFreyPie]

Have any of them actually said anything to you, or are you just assuming?

[MimiSunshine]

You said three times someone came over with a full round and shots and after the shots you were getting drunk. Does that mean you had the drinks (say another 3 SC & lemonade) as well?

If you were happily taking the drinks and then once you'd reached your limit switched to water and didnt reciprocate then (or then pay your share of the food / taxi home) yes I can fully see why they're annoyed with you.

Could you have not bought everyone a round but yourself water and then said you were out of the rounds now as you're too drunk so you'll stick to water.

I had a friend who always seemed to avoid paying her share on a night out (we wouldn't have minded at all if she'd said from the start she didn't want to be in rounds) and it was irritating and yes we stopped inviting her out.

Taking and leaving the vodka doesn't negate you from paying your way later on. You could have opened and drank it if you had wanted to.

[VioletBam]

You should have bought drinks for people regardless of a few getting rounds in early.

[Oblomov16]

You never paid for a round? Yet you can't see why they are miffed? Wake up! How much do you think a round of 7 shots is? I wouldn't be surprised if they invite you again.

[DeathStare]

I agree with PPs - of course your friends are miffed if you drank drinks from rounds and then didn't buy drinks when it was your turn. Even if you switched to water you should still have bought their drinks.

If you ate some chips you should have contributed (somebody had to pay for them!) and you should have contributed to the taxi home. You had a night out for a fiver - your friends were forced to subsidise you!

It also sounds like you may have been a bit of a pain the arse drunk.

Just message everyone apologising for your behaviour and ask who you owe money to or if they'd rather you just paid the full taxi and first couple of rounds next time.

[CatsGoPurrrr]

This is written in a very detached way. I call 'reverse'.

[Magstermay]

From your post it sounds as though by the time it was your round no one else was drinking either? In which case you couldn't have bought rounds, BUT I would perhaps message the group and apologise for your drunkenness ('don't get out much' kind of thing). You can say you don't remember buying drinks/ food/ taxi so do you owe someone money?

[Rosamund1]

After the first round came I asked people what they were having next but twice of three times someone just came up with more drinks - double rounds. The table was covered in drinks. I thought it would be silly to buy more with drinks already there but with hindsight I should have just added to the pile.

I just went up to the bar two or three times to ask for water but it was not a point where people were buying rounds. It was too loud to have any sort of conversation.

[FindingNemo99]

Agree with Death - send the text acknowledging you owe them money - and next time make sure you get the round in before you get too drunk
Might be good to speak to one of the group you're closest to as well to apologise and find out if the others are pissed off with you - you might just be over thinking it and it isn't as bad as you think?

[VioletBam]

Yes...your mistake was thinking "Oh well...everyone else has got this one"

I've seen this before...and it's why I don't go on nights out like this. People just troughing alcohol like it's going to run out forever.

Awful

But you should as you say, have just bought some and stuck them down with everyone elses.

[Dontyoulovecalpol]

I think you'll have to style it out- go back to the group and post "omg I'm so sorry, I just realised I was so hammered I didn't buy a round! Next time they're on me, sorry. Got a bit carried away not having the baby with me. Also who do I owe for the taxi? I'll transfer the money to your account if you can let me know. Sorry for being drunk and daft"

[KoalaDownUnder]

I think DontYouLove has it.

You should have got a round in, but I don't think it's a big deal, for what it's worth.

I'm a stickler for paying my way (and usually go overboard, tbh), but if I was in your friend group I wouldn't be that bothered. If I generally liked you and you didn't make a habit of it.

Everyone's pissed, these things get messy, whatever. You didn't do anything heinous.

[JoandMax]

Just message saying 'oh I'm so sorry I was so drunk I realized I didn't pay for any drinks or give you any cash for taxi/kebab! Please let me know what I owe'

[NashvilleQueen]

Effectively you had a night out for £30 (including the vodka you took to the house) and they probably spent much much more if they were buying drinks for a large group. But if you were pissed then it may be less the money and more that they had to deal with a very drunk member of the group which can be a bit tiresome. Id just apologise and say you'll be first at the bar next time.

Also may I suggest a kitty if you're all out all night? Much fairer and it has mythical properties which means it seems to last much longer ....

[magicstar1]

You could always send a message...don't forget, first round is on me next time

[Fairylea]

When you switched to water you should still have offered to buy a round for everyone else. Even if you couldn't really hear what they were saying you could have just gone and got a round of some sort of shot or something. It would have looked better than having three drinks from other people and buying none back.

However, op this kind of night sounds like my personal nightmare - people just getting drunk for the sake of it, going to places so loud you can't even talk to each other etc etc, all the social politics etc. I used to do stuff like that but now I'd much rather stay at home in my pjs with a box set and a bar of galaxy. You may have had a lucky escape!

[WilliamScottsOrange]

the problem is that the vodka you left will just be kept by one person. while everyone else has paid for your night out. I would send a message saying 'can we keep the vodka I left at x's for cocktail's next time. sorry to be such a light weight with all my water drinking. I'm sure I owe you all a round of drinks though'

[blueskywithclouds]

Easily resolved, just send a text like ones suggested above.

[myownprivateidaho]

I don't think the op has been awful - quite a lot of people don't adhere to the strict rules of ettiquette when they're blackout drunk. If your worries why not just message the group and say that you think that you never bought a round and are mortified, you'll owe them all a drink.

[reallyanotherone]

As above, just message and apologise.

Is it a one off though? Do you usually get your round in? If i had a friend do what you did, the first time i'd let it go and put it down to alcohol. Second time even, i struggle to get assert myself if everyone is insisting on buying next. Third time and i'd be leaving you out of rounds or not inviting you.

[davos]

My first message would have been something like ' sorry i was so drunk, total light weight, l think I owe you all some money, let me know how much X'

[trafalgargal]

I sounds like the OP was the only one who got completely hammered so yes definitely a apology especially as she isn't even a regular with this night out group so they may think this is her usual behaviour.

[Piemernator]

I always buy first round it's done then. I was out with sis on Friday and I changed to water half way through the night, she drinks like a fish and I'm a lightweight but I still got her some in once I was on water. Then again I bought a woman on her hen night a drink when at the bar.

In huge groups people often suggest that we just get our own once in clubs.

[trafalgargal]

The fact you were seen going up to the bar repeatedly and bought no one a drink makes you look awful. You were presumably dancing with or sitting with at least some of the group when you got up to go to the bar.

It sounds like they may have blocked you from the group . What does the friend you went with think about the situation ? They were her friends rather than yours right ?

[OliviaStabler]

When out in a group, there is nothing more annoying than someone who does not buy a round/s and pull their weight but is happy to let others buy drinks for them. I am not surprised they are annoyed.

As PP's have said, message them with apologies and offer to buy several rounds next time.