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Aibu to be angry and confused at friend copying my disability

(78 Posts)
BeyondSpecialSnowflake Fri 05-Aug-16 14:03:35

I know this has potential to go so wrong, but I have to get it out sad
Can I put in a polite preemptive request that general benefits bashing goes in another thread?

I have a series of complex disabilities, I receive high rate ESA and PIP and my DP is my full time carer. I have a friend who has started copying my disabilities, elaborate "fainting" (to quote - "oh you know, just like what beyond has") and puffing and panting in pain. I feel shit that I doubt it is real, but I think she is actually jealous of the benefits I receive and trying to get them for herself. She justitfies her (increasing) drug use and refuses to do things with "I'm so ill, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair like beyond". She has also been caught out lying about seeing specialists

I just don't know what to do. I am so angry at her, but she is obviously having such a hard time to think that my life is something to aim for. I've never encountered someone playing the system before, and have no proof but a gut feeling that she is either.

Possibly related, she also has a very jokey 'thing' for my DP. I don't think she actually does want to 'steal' him, but other friends have been very hmm about it, especially considering the above.

So, yeah, I just had to get that off my chest. Does anyone have a magic wand to make it go away?

RattusRattus Fri 05-Aug-16 14:05:10

Cull her. She sounds bonkers and predatory.

Penfold007 Fri 05-Aug-16 14:06:39

The solution is for you and your DP to end the 'friendship'

Coffeethrowtrampbitch Fri 05-Aug-16 14:11:25

I would never speak to her again.

How dare she imitate your disability. How dare she.

She has the option not to live a life in pain, to be able to walk, to do a job she likes not just one that she can manage, or no job at all because she isn't fit for one.

You don't have that option, neither does any other disabled person. If we could wake up healthy one day, we would.

Please don't waste any sympathy on her, she may have MH problems but to do this to you is quite extraordinarily cruel and I could never forgive anyone for this, no matter what their reasons.

Vipermisnomer Fri 05-Aug-16 14:14:20

Not your friend. Dismiss.

M0nstersinthecl0set Fri 05-Aug-16 14:17:21

Get away from her. That's a lot of shit coming her way and you need to be well clear!

Ouriana Fri 05-Aug-16 14:17:45

She isnt your friend and her behaviour is awful. If you dont want an argument just slowly cut her out, be too busy to text or meet up and let it gradually fade away.

Disgusting she can see you in pain and try to copy that or be jealous.

BeyondSpecialSnowflake Fri 05-Aug-16 14:18:22

Thanks smile atm cutting her out is difficult, plus made harder as I have a niggling doubt that she is telling the truth and these thoughts are just me being an utter bitch sad

I've had a lot of trouble with people not believing me in the past and I feel awful that I'm now that person. What if she is telling the truth? sad

BeyondSpecialSnowflake Fri 05-Aug-16 14:19:14

That should say thanks for the replies!

TheGruffaloMother Fri 05-Aug-16 14:19:21

I agree with the posters above bit do feel the need to throw a spanner in the works here...

Is there a chance she's genuinely unwell? And being caught out about the specialist wad actually being caught embellishing hugely rather than outright lying? Would you feel differently if you thought she was embellishing in an attempt to get sympathy for a real illness?

Didiusfalco Fri 05-Aug-16 14:21:16

Whatever her issues this is not for you to fix.

You have enough on your plate, cut her out, no good will come of trying to confront or engage her on this.

RuggerHug Fri 05-Aug-16 14:21:51

Ditch the bitch!

Gazelda Fri 05-Aug-16 14:24:02

If she's been caught out lying about seeing specialists, then I think it is a fair assumption that her 'illness' isn't 100% what she says it is. She may be ill, but to compare herself to someone with your level of difficulties is despicable.

When you say drug use, do you mean prescription or over the counter medication, or do you mean illegal substances?

She sounds very far from a good friend. You say it would be difficult to cut her out, but I'd be trying to do so as much as possible.

BeyondSpecialSnowflake Fri 05-Aug-16 14:24:17

Gruffalomother, yes, alongside the chance of it all being true or all being faked, there is the chance that it's part true and embellished for whatever reason.

Vipermisnomer Fri 05-Aug-16 14:24:59

If it really bothers you ask when next appointment is. Wait for answer then offer to go with. If you get a bunch of flimflam back you have your answer.

If a same clinic situation as you then ask something only an attendee would know "Dr Jones is really lovely isn't she?" - Dr Jones isn't there or is male for example.

Either way not your circus, not your monkeys...

BeyondSpecialSnowflake Fri 05-Aug-16 14:25:42

Cannabis, gazelda, alongside some prescription medication (though I've been avoiding talking about medication for a while as she gets very competitive)

BestZebbie Fri 05-Aug-16 14:27:02

Clue in your DH to what you are going to do, then next time it is just you and her around, tell her all about a new made-up symptom you have started experiencing, which is never a symptom of what you actually have.
When you hear back about her having it, that is when you dump her.

Vipermisnomer Fri 05-Aug-16 14:27:35

Ill or not she sounds like bad company

Struggler83 Fri 05-Aug-16 14:27:57

Oh what a difficult situation. I know someone like this. Over the years she's had MS, a brain tumor, various hormonal problems, "untreatable migraines" requiring Botox. Anyone who is ever sick is met with "I had that once, the doctor said it was the worst case they'd ever seen". It's infuriating but so difficult to say anything in case "this time" is the time it's real.

No real advice but in your shoes I would distance myself from her. Regardless of the disability thing, it sounds like she is behaving inappropriately around your DP, which isn't acceptable.

If she is lying, it will come out in the end, and she will get what she deserves.

MrsDeVere Fri 05-Aug-16 14:28:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 05-Aug-16 14:28:28

She either has MH issues or she's evil.

I'm stunned anyone would do this, hence mentioning MH. You said she's a drug user? Maybe she thinks 'oh if I get ESA it'll be easier to get prescriptions?'

Usually I'm very much in the 'support' corner but no. Just no. MH, drugs or just plain evil, you MUST dump her.

Again, I'm just.. Stunned.

SpecialAgentFreyPie Fri 05-Aug-16 14:29:14

Sorry, slow typer blush

Niloufes Fri 05-Aug-16 14:37:03

I know a few people like this. Always making out that they are the one with the bigger issue. That's right, they do have the bigger issue and its attention jealousy. Quietly distance yourself from her.

Cagliostro Fri 05-Aug-16 14:41:42

Yikes sad

Stormtreader Fri 05-Aug-16 14:44:44

Sounds a bit bunny-boiler! Shes not copied your haircut as well, has she?

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