Aibu to be angry and confused at friend copying my disability

[BeyondSpecialSnowflake]

I know this has potential to go so wrong, but I have to get it out :(
Can I put in a polite preemptive request that general benefits bashing goes in another thread?

I have a series of complex disabilities, I receive high rate ESA and PIP and my DP is my full time carer. I have a friend who has started copying my disabilities, elaborate "fainting" (to quote - "oh you know, just like what beyond has") and puffing and panting in pain. I feel shit that I doubt it is real, but I think she is actually jealous of the benefits I receive and trying to get them for herself. She justitfies her (increasing) drug use and refuses to do things with "I'm so ill, I'm going to end up in a wheelchair like beyond". She has also been caught out lying about seeing specialists

I just don't know what to do. I am so angry at her, but she is obviously having such a hard time to think that my life is something to aim for. I've never encountered someone playing the system before, and have no proof but a gut feeling that she is either.

Possibly related, she also has a very jokey 'thing' for my DP. I don't think she actually does want to 'steal' him, but other friends have been very about it, especially considering the above.

So, yeah, I just had to get that off my chest. Does anyone have a magic wand to make it go away?

Competitive illness, whether real or imagined is very, very tiring for those around it.

You have enough on your plate without dealing with this from her. You need to pull yourself out of this friendship however you can.

I have already spent less time with her recently for other reasons (my very like me and so probably autistic DS doesn't cope well with one of her children neither do I tbh ).

Funnily enough medusa, she has started to spend a lot of time with a local parent (who she didn't meet until recently) who has terminal cancer. It's like she's looking for people who are ill! (I also have tn!)

Would it help to look at it from the point of view she is unwell? Either she happens to have similar physical problems to you or she has some MH issues? I can see it is hard for you if you have been disbelieved yourself then it won't be comfortable to be judging her.

My husband knew someone who was in alot of pain and doctors could find nothing wrong. Told her husband it was psychological. She committed suicide at the PM revealed a very real cause of the pain.

before cutting contact try feeding her mis information, such as you are trialling a new drug or treatment , making up a name for it.......see if she falls for it

I don't think a fake symptom would work (though another friend had a weird migraine symptom a couple of weeks ago and she's copied that already!). She's too fond of googling - she'll often ask about things that I haven't mentioned. And she has a load of medical encyclopaedias too.

I remembered last night though, two exact things that I have said to her in the past that she has almost word for word said back to me. I have to cut her out, this is causing me too much stress.

Granny, I do believe that she probably that she has some physical illness (she if she was telling the truth says she has fibromyalgia and cfs) and then she (again, if telling the truth) has conflicting mental symptoms so no diagnosis there. If I didn't believe her at all, I would have cut her out already, which makes it so hard.

You sound immensely generous and compassionate towards her. As others have said, though, it really sounds as though you need to distance yourself in any way possible.

Part of the problem is the placebo effect (if that is the right term)? She may be perfectly healthy but as we all know people can imagine themselves sick and that makes it so, a bit like pointing the bone. I would gradually distance myself before this line is blurred even more, for the inappropriate behaviour with my DH as well, as much as anything. You sound like a genuinely nice person OP. If it helps you rationalise it because you are nice, you will be doing her a favour in a way. It's a bit like the emperors new clothes, the longer people show interest (I know you are showing minimal interest OP) she will continue with this behaviour. Sorry if I have mixed too many metaphors there but I think you should dump her ass basically. She doesn't sound good for you and you have it all going on as it is!

She's not a friend. You need to cut her out of your life.

So, an update.

She pretty much got cut out, yet had an event at the end of the summer that she had already been invited to in advance. She came, but it went very wrong and since then she has been cut out by everybody.

Today I get a letter that could be a random checkup, or could be that someone has reported me to the DWP. Coincidence? DP is insisting it is, but I'm not coping very well and very, very suspicious that she has reported me.

Oh dear that is stressful, but try and focus on the assessment and getting through it. Whether she reported you or not isn't going to change anything.

Beyond your ill and disabled so try not to worry about the DWP easier said than done I know,there's 7 of us and 3 of us are now registered disabled,I've always hated it when the next lot of forms have to be filled out and sent off.

So far every time we've had to fill more forms out and send them back everythings been fine.

I've had people I was close to do very similar to what the lady that you know was doing to you,I've never understood it.I'd love to not be disabled,I worry constantly about my DH and our 5DC missing out because of me being disabled.

She's a delight, isnt she? You;re better off rid of her. Hope your assessment goes ok

Even if she has, you're still the same genuine person you were before. You have nothing to worry about.

All those "just like Beyond has" comparisons were really worrying, I'm relieved you have cut this person out. You don't need the hassle. Just assume it IS a random check-up, the result will be the same anyway. And if it wasn't, what sort of cowbag would report a friend like that?! You're well rid.

That is just really really odd its like she is weirdly trying to relate to you are something , she isnt your friend and she is just weird

It doesn't mean somebody has reported you random assesment is common it is stressful though

Very good point red, thank you :)

I swear there is some irony here, that if I didn't have the constant worry of the DWP over my head, my anxiety would be a million times better. but some people like to think that life on benefits is cushty, don't they.
Right, I'm going to have some coffee and try to immerse myself in something else

Ok I am gonna go against the grain here because I have (potentially) been in the same place as your friend. I have borderline personality disorder and at my sickest I have lied about being physically unwell. Now I am well when I look back on that I feel so ashamed of myself but I was unwell and it was, to an extent, out of my control. Have you asked your friend about it? For me I was doing it because I wanted people to know how unwell I was. It was a, very misguided, cry for help. Maybe your friend is in the same situation and having someone sit down and say "what's going on with you?" May really help.

Just a thought

Yeah cos being disabled and on benefits its living the highlife or something eh does my head in.

She sounds loathesome. Brr.

BPD here. it's upsetting to see BPD internet diagnosed on the basis that someone else is a liar/unstable.

regarding BPD, please bear in mind that a good number of people with the diagnosis have abuse and neglect in their background. it's not a catch-all condition saved for the manipulative genius hellbent on destruction for shits and giggles.

apologies for derail. BPD is considered an incurable, life-limiting condition. I'm disabled due to my mental health. nobody armchair-diagnoses physical disabilities - it should be the same for mental health.

Argh! Sorry all, whether it was my brain or mn being wonky, I only saw red's comment earlier and not all the others! So thank you to you all

I'm going to crack on as if it is a random assessment, DH spoke to someone earlier and they said it probably is (though we of course can't get through to the JC to check it is actually physically accessible for me....). Still having a shitty day now though (to the extent that I have even put nicotine liquid in my ecig, polter!) and will likely feel shit til it is over.

I'm torn whether to state that if it is a malicious complaint courtesy of X, then perhaps they should look back at her, but I know that wouldn't be the 'bigger person' thing to do (and would probably make me look as keen on drama as she is!)

exwife, I understand that. I'm trying to give as few details as possible to avoid it being 'outing', but she herself has mentioned bpd as a possibility when she admitted that she didn't have actual diagnoses, which is why I commented on it when someone else brought it up (iirc - it was a while back now!)