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To want to see my parents every other weekend?

(95 Posts)
amigoingabitcrazy Tue 07-Jun-16 20:56:13

Family life is busy. Goes without saying!
In the last couple years I've had a child, returned to education, bought a house with dp and have another child on the way.
I feel like dm is really struggling to understand that I don't have time to see them 2-3 times a week and spend the whole weekend with them like I used to, and was absolutely horrified at the idea of seeing us for a few hours each weekend - let alone every other weekend!
I need to enjoy alone time with dp and dd, have my ils to consider and would appreciate maintaining a social life.
AIBU or is every other weekend an acceptable amount of time to see my parents? Right now you would think I was committing a heanus

Buggers Tue 07-Jun-16 20:57:24

How old are your parents and have you got any siblings?

amigoingabitcrazy Tue 07-Jun-16 20:58:22

Heinous crime*

(Accidentally posted when trying to change the spelling. Bloody phones!)

amigoingabitcrazy Tue 07-Jun-16 20:59:39

They are early 50s, both work and I have 2 siblings one still bloody lives with them!

Shitonyoursofa Tue 07-Jun-16 21:01:07

I see mine about once every 3 or 4 months....I think once a fortnight is just fine!

StickTheDMWhereTheSunDontShine Tue 07-Jun-16 21:01:38

I was about to say every other weekend? That often?

Mine are several counties away, though.


Jenijena Tue 07-Jun-16 21:01:39

Gosh I thought you'd be coming from the other extreme. See my parents perhaps once every six-eight weeks, often for not more than an hour or two. Can't imagine seeing them every other weekend - when are you supposed to do everything else in your life?

Buggers Tue 07-Jun-16 21:01:55

YANBU at all then! I'd understand their point of view if they were very elderly and you were there only child. Are you their favorite or somethingwink?!

Janicejohn Tue 07-Jun-16 21:02:40

More than enough. My children are about your age and I'm not bothered if they done see us every week, I always say 'if you want food let me know if not that's fine too', so they know they are always welcome to come round, but not obliged to do so.

spanky2 Tue 07-Jun-16 21:03:59

My goodness, they're thinking you're still a child! I would say every other weekend was too much. I have a controlling narcissist for a mother and even she didn't want to see me that often! They need to get a life for themselves and stop living through you. More suffocating than being parents who love their dd. It's hard to know where to start. This does seem very dysfunctional to me.

iMatter Tue 07-Jun-16 21:06:12

Agree with others - they are treating you like a dependent child!

I see my parents twice a year (distance) if that.

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 07-Jun-16 21:06:23

Yanbu. One thing that has been an eye opener for me since joining Mumsnet is how much time some families spend together! I have only got one friend who sees her parent at least weekly (and he only lives a 10 minute drive away) I honestly can't think of any other friends, neighbours, cousins or siblings who see their parents all the time! Whether they live nearby or not.

Whatever happened to socialising with friends your own age? Or even just pottering about doing nothing in particular with your partner and children?

amigoingabitcrazy Tue 07-Jun-16 21:06:36

buggers I'm the creator of the one and only grandchild wink since then everyone seems to think that it's my sole purpose to entertain them with her.

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 07-Jun-16 21:07:51

I'm the same age as your parents, btw grin

amigoingabitcrazy Tue 07-Jun-16 21:13:48

If only dm could see things that way confused Sometimes I have to lie about being busy just to have a day doing nothing without being questioned!

Swirlingasong Tue 07-Jun-16 21:17:22

What on earth does your partner think about this? Did your mum ever spend this much time with her MiL?

TeenAndTween Tue 07-Jun-16 21:17:26

I came on to say YABU as if you see parents every other weekend that is a massive encroachment into family life and other socialising!

I see my parents every 2-3 months.

bibbitybobbityyhat Tue 07-Jun-16 21:20:48

Mind you, there has been a thread on here today from a poor Mumsnetter who has to see her dh's parents every week, every Easter, Christmas, Bank holiday etc. So she rather top trumps you!

Bolograph Tue 07-Jun-16 21:21:39

I feel like dm is really struggling to understand that I don't have time to see them 2-3 times a week and spend the whole weekend with them like I used to

Let her struggle. Make other plans. Ignore the whining. If she whines too much, make it every other month.

OwlinaTree Tue 07-Jun-16 21:22:11

Wow, every other weekend!

I would point out to your parents that if you see them every other weekend and then your partner's DPS the other weekend you will have no time at all to see other friends or family, or spend time as a family unit.

One a month for each set, then 2 weekend to yourself is more than adequate!

RubbleBubble00 Tue 07-Jun-16 21:24:02

This is where u make use of enthusiastic gp and let then have dc for a few hours each wk

LuluJakey1 Tue 07-Jun-16 21:28:11

My parents are dead. We see PIL about every 6 weeks.

LuluJakey1 Tue 07-Jun-16 21:28:31

And it is quite enough.

Musicaltheatremum Tue 07-Jun-16 21:31:40

They're in their early 50s? Good grief, I'm 52, my daughter lives 400 miles away and I see her every few months. I'd did see her 3 weeks on the trot recently but that was exceptional. They need to build their own lives and friends now. Every weekend is crazy, they should be off doing things now that they are child free. I love my 2 kids to bits but I need my life too.

rollonthesummer Tue 07-Jun-16 21:32:14

When do they expect you to see them 2/3 times a week if they both still work!!?

You are not being unreasonable. Start planning other things to do so you can say, 'oh, no-we're busy doing X then'. They'll soon realise you are busy people and don't have to come when they click their finger.

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