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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to see my parents every other weekend?

94 replies

amigoingabitcrazy · 07/06/2016 20:56

Family life is busy. Goes without saying!
In the last couple years I've had a child, returned to education, bought a house with dp and have another child on the way.
I feel like dm is really struggling to understand that I don't have time to see them 2-3 times a week and spend the whole weekend with them like I used to, and was absolutely horrified at the idea of seeing us for a few hours each weekend - let alone every other weekend!
I need to enjoy alone time with dp and dd, have my ils to consider and would appreciate maintaining a social life.
AIBU or is every other weekend an acceptable amount of time to see my parents? Right now you would think I was committing a heanus

OP posts:

Wizzles · 07/06/2016 21:33

My mum lives a 2 & a half hour train ride away & since I had DD 4 months ago has been to visit (usually just for the day) every 2-3weeks.

She's retired & DD is her only grandchild, and she's just desperate to see her as much as she can which I am fine with.

The main thing for me is that she comes during the week when DH is at work so doesn't impact on our family time. If it was every other weekend it might piss me off and would definitely piss DH off

SybilEngineer · 07/06/2016 21:34

I don't think they're being unreasobabke to want to see their grandchild once a week.

SybilEngineer · 07/06/2016 21:34

*unreasonable!

Bolograph · 07/06/2016 21:34

I don't think they're being unreasobabke to want to see their grandchild once a week.

They can want all they like. The OP has a life.

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 07/06/2016 21:35

swirlingasong he's at work during the week but obviously wants to spend time at home with us on the weekend! She hardly saw her mil but saw her dm every other day and we visited for dinner every weekend. I think she expects to replicate this but to me it sounds like an absolute nightmare
rubblebubble00 that would suit me just fine but it's the only time dp gets to spend with her because of long working hours during the week!

OP posts:

SybilEngineer · 07/06/2016 21:35

And that life can include her parents once a week!

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 07/06/2016 21:36

Seeing you less often they'd probably cope with, but only seeing their DGD once a fortnight - it's not going to happen is it 😁

I hear NZ is lovely 💐

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/06/2016 21:37

Yeah, what owlina said. Once a month for each set of ILS.

What did they do when you reduced your visits to a few hours per week?

camelfinger · 07/06/2016 21:38

Blimey. I see mine about once a month and that's enough. I feel really lucky to have a small family; I can't imagine having enough time to see various relatives in my limited spare time, and big family get together aren't my thing.

Bolograph · 07/06/2016 21:40

And that life can include her parents once a week!

Why should it? Once a week is insane, if that means the whole weekend.

BikeRunSki · 07/06/2016 21:42

DM is a 6 hr drive away. We last saw her Feb half term. The DC wanted to do other stuff at Easter and Whitsun half term. They wanted to see DM too, and would love to have her locally.

Wdigin2this · 07/06/2016 21:42

I see my DC a few times each week, but not often on weekends. I see them so much because our family circumstances sort of decided the situation, and because they want to see me!
I'd never arrive unannounced or uninvited at their homes, but they know their welcome at my home anytime, however they know I put no pressure on them. My DH and I have a great social life, which ironically, often includes our DC and extended family! If it works it's great!, if it doesn't then respect has to be shown on both sides!

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 07/06/2016 21:45

sybilengineer
If they were happy for me to pop in for a cup of tea after work in the evening once a week then that would be absolutely fine. But that's treated like a slap in the face. I have 1 full day a week with dp at home 2 if I'm lucky. I have ils to visit, Friendships to maintain, exams to pass... and I would actually enjoy doing nothing now and then.

OP posts:

Papergirl1968 · 07/06/2016 21:50

I have to say I don't think wanting to see their only grandchild once a week is unreasonable.
My parents were obsessed with their grandkids when they were little (parents were in their early to mid 50s, grandkids in question being my nieces and nephews). They even went on holiday to the same place, which i'd have found stifling.
Could you let them babysit your dc for a couple of hours while you do chores, shopping or have a rest? Will they be looking after him/her when you have the new baby? If so, it will be good practice for then.

ThinkPinkStink · 07/06/2016 21:53

I love my parents very much, and speak to my mum on the phone most days (probably 4 or 5 times a week). I see them once a quarter - this works just fine for us.

I guess in an ideal world we'd see them slightly more regularly (maybe once every six to eight weeks) but everyone accepts that we're all busy people.

It's just a bit alien to me that any parent would have the expectation of seeing their adult offspring weekly or even fortnightly... so YANBU.

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 07/06/2016 21:58

I completely understand that they want to see their grandchild. But if they were to have her for the day that means her own father doesn't get to spend the time with her. During the week he gets home just in time for bath and bed. Unfortunately for them, he takes priority.

OP posts:

Oysterbabe · 07/06/2016 22:02

Yanbu. I see mine 3 times a year.

evileyes · 07/06/2016 22:03

I'm going against the grain here but I see my parents at least once a week and MiL more than that. In fact when FiL died a couple of years ago MiL moved in with us for a year as she had no one else and was also downsizing and having work done.

I love spending time with my family and absolutely dread a time when we can no longer do that. My parents and MiL adore my DS and I like to have an open house where everyone feels welcome. Luckily DH feels the same and one thing that unites us is love of family, I also see DSis pretty much every day for the record.

Despite saying all this, YANBU, you've got to do what works for you.

RandomMess · 07/06/2016 22:05

Perhaps they could babysit one evening per week whilst you pop out - get their DGD fix

RosieSW · 07/06/2016 22:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JaceLancs · 07/06/2016 22:13

I see my parents fortnightly unless am away working or on holiday, sometimes see them extra if needed (they are elderly)
When DC were younger this was still similar - my ILs lived further away and we would see them every couple of months
I am your parents age although with no grandchildren yet, if I ever do would not expect too see them often enough to cause them a problem - I am hoping to be able to give DC themselves a break from parenting as my parents never helped me when my DC were small

trafalgargal · 07/06/2016 22:17

Is your child the only grandchild?

Original poster

amigoingabitcrazy · 07/06/2016 22:17

randommess That's a nice idea I think I will suggest this dm might be happier to have a short time alone with dd than a fleeting visit from the both of us. Could only fit a couple hours in between her finishing work and bedtime but that's got to be better than nothing...

OP posts:

38cody · 07/06/2016 22:17

Depends on your relationship - First grandchildren? If they've been used to seeing you several times a week it will be hard and they'll miss you and the grandkids. Can you Skype and call more often to make up for it?
I see mine 3/4 times a week, often just a quick cuppa en-route to wherever, it suits me. we're close. Each to their own I guess.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 07/06/2016 22:20

You clearly don't want to spend this much time with them. Your wishes are really obvious here. Your wishes are totally reasonable. You know that. So don't spend so much time with them. What's the dilemma?

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