To be furious with this teacher.

[AlarmBells]

Sorry this is a bit long but I need a rant!

So, but of background, ds who's 8 has had a difficult relationship with school. We've been in a few times to talk about behaviour. (Attitude, talking back, arguing in class)

Every time we've been in I've tried my best to be supportive. I don't agree with punishing children twice for offenses, but I have a stern talk with him when we get home and we talk about what's triggering it, and how me and the teacher can help him.

We were called in again today, another frustrating session. Apparently DS swore and shouted at a boy in class, who (and the teacher admitted it) had been annoying him by sticking his tongue out and making noises at him.

She says he'she's often rude and talks back consistently...he says the other kids in class are always annoying him. I asked what was being done about that and teacher smiled patronisingly, rolled her eyes and said she's had a word with the parents and the children. She then turned to DS and said 'we are talking about YOUR behaviour though' with another smirk.

Anyway, we left, I again promised to talk to DS when home. She saw us to the door. However when she turned back I realised we'd forgotten his book bag, so I caught door as it was closing and nipped back in (DS stayed outside).

I was just outside the class room and heard this exchange.

' Do you have a brick wall I can bag my head against'
'Is it xxxxx again?'
'Oh God, he's just so rude! And his mum thinks he sh*ts gold, that's the problem! He just gets home and whines to mummy he's being picked on and she laps up every word! Funny how he only does that when he gets a bollocking. Little shit'
'What are you going to do?'
'She sounds like she's making screechy sound from psycho, they laugh'.

I quickly and quietly get out, but I'm still fuming. Totally unprofessional, yes? I know they thought I was out the building, but still. I now know a few things:

1. She has talked about my son like this before.
   
2. she refers to children as 'little shits'
   
3. She is completely two faced
   
4. she has no regards for ds's feelings during all this.
   
   What's my next move? Feeling distraught. May email head tonight/ tommorow morning.

[Foffyouwanker]

Email the head, but stay calm and factual.

[anorakgirl]

That she's only a bloody human and what are you doing about your sons swearing, where's he hearing it?

[anorakgirl]

From your OP you have very little respect for the teacher anyway

[eversoslightlytired]

Wow!! That's terrible. Definitely an email to the head outlining what you said and demanding to know what he will do about it!!! My son is 8 years old and to think a teacher could speak about him that way is horrible!

[katemiddletonsnudeheels]

I always do the 'we are talking about your behaviour.'

Honestly, I would be having a good long think about your son and his behaviour.

It must have been really unpleasant to hear and I am sorry for that, but it was after all a private conversation.

[RiverTam]

But it does sound like his behaviour is pretty dire and you don't seem to be taking that very seriously.

She was venting to a colleague, in private, so she thought.

[Crisscrosscranky]

YABU she's a human and he sounds like a naughty kid (yes, they do exist). You just heard some home truths - now time to deal with them. He's 8; there needs to be consequences for his actions at school when he's at home even if this means punishing him twice.

[ManonCrempog]

This must be really hard to hear-but you do sound as if you're excusing your son's behaviour, which must make things very difficult for her.
I'd HATE to hear a teacher calling my kids "little shits"- I'd probably write a letter but would take it no further.

[chickenowner]

Teachers are human and need to rant and let off steam sometimes, just like the rest of us!

Your son's behaviour sounds extremely difficult to deal with, and from the tone of your post, you do not support the teacher or the school in dealing with it.

[Shakirasma]

She sounds frustrated, dealing with a rude, unpleasant child causing daily disruption and is getting nowhere with the mother who seems to constantly deflect the issue.

How do you expect her to feel about your son, his behaviour and your refusal to take it seriously?

[PPie10]

Unfortunate for you to hear but your ds sounds like a nightmare to teach. He's very badly behaved and you seem to be focusing on other things than that.

[Margay]

Is there a grain of truth on what she said about your attitude to the problem?

You know she can't give you details of the other children's behaviour and the conversations she has had with their parents, right? She has to keep the focus on his behaviour when talking to you and him - both professionally and because simply blaming the others for his poor behaviour won't help.

[BillSykesDog]

You shouldn't have continued to eavesdrop. It was a private conversation with another teacher. She was letting off steam.

Although it was put in a very harsh way which is upsetting for you to deal with, have you considered what she's actually saying?

[TeenAndTween]

You could email the head and complain ...

... or you could realise that for whatever reason the behaviour of your DS is pushing your teacher to the very limit. You have been called in repeatedly over his behaviour. The only sanction at home for this is a 'stern talk'. The behaviour doesn't improve. She probably feels you are unsupportive, and looking to blame other kids for your DS's disruptive behaviour.

She has spoken to the other parents and children, just like she is talking to you.

But which is worse - sticking your tongue out and making a few noises, or regularly being rude, talking back, arguing and swearing?

[Flossiesmummy]

Horrible to hear that about your own child, definitely.

As an ex-teacher who loved my kids, all 30 of them dearly, some of them are still little shits. My DH is a teacher too and he's nodding in agreement and rolling his eyes.

Bad behaviour on a regular basis makes a teacher's life so difficult. I think she was right to draw your focus back to your son rather than the behaviour of others. They will have been dealt with separately.

Sorry you're having a hard time

[MayhemandMadness]

If your DS does behave like this then try tackling his behaviour. You said that you don't believe in punishing twice so if you are only having 'a talk' then this might be why he isn't stopping it. Try backing the talk up with some concrete action - swear at school then no X for a week.

[KatharinaRosalie]

So you believe there should be no consequences to your son's behaviour as that's 'punishing twice', and it's all the fault of other kids, because they're 'annoying him'. No wonder the teacher is frustrated.

'little shit' is not an expression she should have used. But how was she two faced?

[BeckyWithTheMediocreHair]

She 'rolled her eyes'? She 'smirked'? Does your DS pick up on your attitude to this teacher?

I'm sorry that you heard the conversation, but it is not unprofessional for her to vent privately to a colleague; it's how you stay sane in a challenging job.

More to the point, OP - is she right?

[RandomMess]

His behaviour at school does sound absolutely dire and very disruptive for the rest of class, how is he at home if he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do, what consequences doe he respond to?

She was venting in private so if you complain I would make it based on the meeting you had with her and perhaps only mention that she needs to be more careful what she says about pupils when she could be overheard.

[MrsMainwaring]

Why didn't you say something at the time ?

[Tillyscoutsmum]

It was a private conversation between a teacher and a colleague. The same sort of conversation that millions of people have about clients/customers with their colleagues. Her use of 'little shit' is obviously not nice to hear but your son's behaviour (and your seemingly continuous inability/unwillingness to deal with it) must he incredibly fruatrating.

[nogrip]

Where did here hear the swear words? My 8 year old doesn't even know swear words, let alone use them.

We have a boy in DDs class who sounds like your DS. EVERYONE is annoyed with the parents who facilitate his behaviour by letting him watch 18 films (hes told me this himself, including the plots, so I know its true)

FFS, parent him

[Imnotaslimjim]

I'm sorry to say but I think you need to consider that your DS is behaving badly. No wonder the teacher is feeling unsupported!

Why is your DS swearing? I would most definitely be punishing him at home on top of whatever the school dished out!

My DD, up until this year(she is 8) was the "little shit" of the class. She was a bully, threw things in class and had a horrific temper. But we've worked together with the school to teach her ways to control it. And I always support the teacher in whatever punishment they see fit and remove privileges at home. It doesn't sound like you're particularly bothered that your DS is misbehaving in class and disrupting other students

[WhereYouLeftIt]

D.O.E.S. . . S.H.E. . .H.A.V.E. . .A. . P.O.I.N.T.?