Bored of hearing women belly aching about 'emotional abuse' on here and in RL when most of the time the relationship has just run its course and clearly needs to end! Anyone else?

[confusedoflondon]

Just that really. 'Emotional abuse' is becoming a much over used term IMHO. People act badly particularly in relationships they may perceive themselves to be stuck in, that's life. Thoughts?

[WellErrr]

Hope you've got a hard hat OP...

[notsurewot2do32]

You sound wonderful...

[amothersplaceisinthewrong]

It does seem to me that on here a man only has to say to his wife/partner "I don't like your hair/dress/car" and shouts of "Emotional abuse" are heard.

[Balders74]

I disagree. My STBXH was EA from very early on in our relationship but I didn't recognise it and/or think I deserved any better.

Some people do not know or have never been taught how to treat people correctly. In my case I think he just didn't care what anyone thought of his behaviour. He still does not accept that he has done anything wrong.

So I think in some cases you may be correct but in most it is actually because some men can be arseholes.

Good luck with this thread. I suspect you may have opened a can of worms.

[SoozeyHoozey]

You sound incredibly mean and dismissive op and you make vast generalisations. Of course some will wrongly identify emotional abuse but I think it's much more common for women to tolerate it and normalise it for a long time.

[ChaiseLounger]

On MN people have different views to me on what constitutes emotional abuse.
I do think it's a very serious term, and should be taken seriously, and is over use these days.

[Joysmum]

I have to say I used to agree when I first started out on here.

There is a bias towards negativity and assuming the worst.

Unfortunately though, as time has gone on I've realise that people post about one issue that rankles, then as things progress more and more comes to light.

You realise that very few people post on here to rant, they tend to post when things become unbearable but they have been conditioned to assume it's normal or they are unreasonable.

Sometimes though I think things are simpler and find myself being a lone voice of dissent. Other times I just take it to PMs because it goes again forum general concensus and I'd like to share my story without being attacked for it.

[squizita]

The only person I know who got on their high horse like this, about this issue, was an emotional abuser aghast that their "normal" wad considered abuse. They were raised in a dog eat dog, bitchy, secretive, physically violent home so to them just being rude/belittling/hyper competitive was soft and gentle.

It was kind of sad but infuriating to see them realise that they might need to seriously change as that was why only one doormat person liked them but then fight it with daily mail high dudgeon.

[throwingpebbles]

I remember posting on here, describing what was going on in my marriage and everyone saying it was emotional abuse, except the odd dissenting voice.... I chose to believe the dissenting voices and stayed with him putting up with his behaviour and within a year I was suicidal, eventually got a great psychiatrist and psychologist and they identified very quickly that my state of mind was due to "emotional abuse". I wish I had listened sooner!

[confusedoflondon]

I just think that the majority of things I hear labelled as emotional abuse on here and in RL are unpleasant undoubtedly but mostly the result of refusing to see/accept the blinding fact that two people are simply not/no longer compatible.

[throwingpebbles]

Agree with joys mum "people tend to post when things have become unbearable but they have been conditioned to assume it's normal or they are unreasonable"

[tiktok]

I lurk a lot in this folder - I don't think I have ever read a thread in which 'emotional abuse' was used incorrectly. It might start off as a report of one or two negative comments, but as the thread gets longer and the poster adds more to it, it inevitably becomes clearer that there is an element of abuse there - sometimes a really serious one.

[confusedoflondon]

From first hand and friends experience all in retrospect we've realised our exes weren't particularly evil or abusive we were all just in the wrong relationships = negative situation breeds negative behaviour.

[pocketsaviour]

My experience is in line with Joysmum. I used to think the term was bandied about too freely, but now I realise it's actually a hell of a lot more common than you'd think.

[confusedoflondon]

But however it is labelled if you are unhappy why stay and for want of a better word complain about it. That's the bottom line.

[confusedoflondon]

I think incompatibility in relationships is hugely common. I still think labelling a person emotionally abusive is all too common too.

[LovelyFriend]

I think you don't know what the fuck you are talking about, and you are being thoughtless and mean.

[confusedoflondon]

I think you're being abusive lovelyfriend ! But hey!

[throwingpebbles]

Well maybe you and your friends were two quick to label your EX s as abusive but don't project that on to everyone else. I wish I had seen it faster in my case. And the more time I am out of the relationship the more awful I realise his behaviour was

[confusedoflondon]

I'm neither by the way, thoughtless or mean. But you're entitled to your abusive opinion.

[LovelyFriend]

But by all means keep on with your dismissing of people raising emotional abuse issues in their lives/home/faces/space as "belly aching" and implying they are making it up.

It's not like they wouldn't have heard that before - usually from the people who are abusing them.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Why are 'things that indicate that a relationship is over' and emotional abuse mutually exclusive?

You are, of course, entitled to your opinion, but what you have said will be very hurtful to people who are suffering emotional abuse - and is it right to post a thread like this, in a space where people should feel safe, and able to talk about the things that are making them unhappy.

[confusedoflondon]

I'm not projecting anything. I am genuinely bored of it. That's my call.

[LovelyFriend]

But however it is labelled if you are unhappy why stay and for want of a better word complain about it.
You also seem to be very ignorant.

[TheMotherOfAllDilemmas]

I think you wouldn't be saying this if you knew the basics of emitional abuse:
It undermines the victim's self worth and confidence to the point of thinking they deserve the abuse or that they cannot survive on their own.

From outside the marriage is crystal clear, but lines are completely blurred from the inside.

I also think that many many woman stay in unhappy marriages because it has been hammered into us that divorce is a bad thing when in fact, it can be the only route to a happy life or a matter of survival.