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To be utterly pissed off with lazy, selfish DP

(196 Posts)
TooManyButtons Sun 11-Jan-15 11:11:46

DP has contact with his 3 children every other Sunday, from 12-5. On these days, he'll get up around 10.30, go and pick his kids up, take them to his parents' house, then drop them off and arrive back here at 5.30. He then refuses to do anything, saying he's tired after looking after the kids.

We have ongoing issues over him not pulling his weight around the house - he works Monday-Thursday in a call centre, I work full time 12 hour shifts as a nurse, yet the housework/food shopping/running the house is primarily left to me. He doesn't start work until 10 or 11, yet refuses to get up a bit earlier to empty the dishwasher/walk the dog, instead leaving it all to me.

He has debts left from his marriage, so only contributes £100-200 a month towards bills, so I have the responsibility of managing finances, yet he always has money for beer/e-cig stuff. His divorce was finalised ages ago and the family home sold, but as he's too lazy to speak to his solicitor, his share of the proceeds are sat in a holding account somewhere. This money would be enough for him to clear his debts.

I made him go food shopping this week, for the first time ever, which he did, but only after I'd planned the week's food, and written him a shopping list detailing every single item we needed. And handed over my bank card to pay for it.

I've cried/begged/pleaded for help around the house, but nothing changes. I've done nearly 50 hours at work this week, and my rare weekend off is being spent cleaning and tidying. I'm just so, so exhausted.

MrsWolowitz Sun 11-Jan-15 11:13:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArsenicFaceCream Sun 11-Jan-15 11:14:11

He's living like a 12 year old. Being looked after.

Why does he see his DC and their DGP's house?

PoppySausage Sun 11-Jan-15 11:14:12

What are his reasons for not doing his share? Does he think it is your job?

cailindana Sun 11-Jan-15 11:14:40

Get rid.

BuzzardBird Sun 11-Jan-15 11:14:43

Has he always been like this, since you met him?

PerpendicularVincenzo Sun 11-Jan-15 11:15:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigwitch Sun 11-Jan-15 11:16:01

Do you have dc's together?

formerbabe Sun 11-Jan-15 11:16:52

What do you get out of this relationship?

WilsonWilsonWoman Sun 11-Jan-15 11:17:53


BuzzardBird Sun 11-Jan-15 11:17:59

The reason I ask is that maybe his divorce has left him with depression? I think most people who knew there was money waiting for them to clear all their money worries would be at it like a rat down a drain.
The fact he only sees his children twice a month is a little worrying too. Does he pay towards their costs?

LindyHemming Sun 11-Jan-15 11:18:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TooManyButtons Sun 11-Jan-15 11:18:36

He's always taken the kids to his parents' house. Apparently his mum can't stand the idea of not seeing them every other week. Plus it's easy for him, he gets his dinner cooked for him and the kids entertained by their DGPs.

He genuinely thinks I'm BU, and that he does his fair share.

TendonQueen Sun 11-Jan-15 11:18:50

Can't see why you would stay with him. Who owns the house you live in or whose name is on the tenancy?

TendonQueen Sun 11-Jan-15 11:19:28

Well, he's wrong. Tell him you've had enough.

Littleparrot Sun 11-Jan-15 11:20:13

And you are with him because???
Waste of space, get someone who respects you

AnnieLobeseder Sun 11-Jan-15 11:20:32

I was just about to ask exactly the same as formerbabe - what postivies does he bring to your life?

You know he doesn't love or respect you, right? If he did, he wouldn't watch you struggle. If he respected you as an equal adult he would take on his share of the domestic responsibilities. But in his eyes you are there to take care of his needs. He does't care about yours.

Deux Sun 11-Jan-15 11:20:32

YANBU. He has got himself into a great set up.

Does little in the house, hardly contributes financially, doesn't have sole charge of his children, has a chunk of money in a bank account somewhere.

I'm not surprised you're exhausted. There's the obvious, LTB, otherwise a frank discussion about how the set up isn't working for you and what's he going to do about it.

He'll happily continue like this as it's a situation that's working well for him.

liquidstateisonthemulled Sun 11-Jan-15 11:22:13

I have always wanted to say cocklodger on here.

Now I have.

My advice, get rid unless he has a big cock and like to give you lots of oral

TooManyButtons Sun 11-Jan-15 11:22:39

No kids together. I have a DD (16). It's my house. He does pay CSA. The contact order was decided by court, the idea was he'd start off seeing them EOW in the afternoon, then increase contact time. Except he's never gone back to court to move things along.

AnnieLobeseder Sun 11-Jan-15 11:23:23

Seriously, why are you with him?

Hairtodaygonetomorrow Sun 11-Jan-15 11:35:28

Why would he change- he has two mums to do everything for him, his own mum to mind his kids, and you mum who writes him a list and pays for the food on the one occasion he is made to go to the supermarket.

Honestly, isn't that a turn-off, being his second mum?

Sorry to sound harsh, but you sound lovely, being a nurse is a great job, you have your own home, you have a dd whose 16- you have all the ingredients for a great life without him in it. If you do want him there, I think you have to accept that he won't do more- he's this way as the women in his life enable it, I would find it deeply unattractive myself.

SocialMediaAddict Sun 11-Jan-15 11:39:34

I rarely say leave the bastard but leave the lazy bastard.

His behaviour is unbelievable.

TooManyButtons Sun 11-Jan-15 11:41:44

It's killed any love I had for him. We barely speak, I spend most of my days seething with resentment. His argument is why should he do anything to help me when I don't show him any affection. I don't show him any affection because I am so fed up with him.

FryOneFatManic Sun 11-Jan-15 11:44:09

I'd dump this bloke. It sounds like you're pretty much leading a single life anyway, being responsible for everything.

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