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For the first time in forever I am angry. And DH thinks iabu

(276 Posts)
Homemadewhine Sat 03-Jan-15 18:03:21

I should tell you at we have been married for 9 years, have a 7yr old dd, and a 2 yr old ds. We rarely argue. I do most things around the home, and am even tempered. I also control the issues in our family, be they children's tantrums, knowing when ds needs to use the potty, sorting out dinner etc. DH is a lovely husband and father.

Today we were coming back from an afternoon out, and on the way back through town we needed to stop off whilst DH first posted a parcel, and then at a chemist for me to pick up a prescription for my gran who is staying with us for a few weeks.

We stopped in the carpark of the chemist, I nipped in to pick up the prescription, and when I came out DH and the car (and children) were gone. I had no coat, it was raining, and it's about 15 minutes walk to home. No one had indicated that they were going anywhere.

I walked around the carpark and looked behind buildings in case they were playing a joke on me, then started my walk home. About 300m from home dh pulled up. I told him I was upset and didn't want to get in the car with him.

The children were shouting to me out of the window and I skied and waved at them. DH kerb crawled beside me until we got home saying things to the children like "mummy's REALLY angry this time you can tell by her walk, and the way she swings her arms" dd was shouting at me to "stop being silly and just get in"

Dd then got out of the car and shouted at me, telling me I was silly to care about being left, that I was an adult and could get home so what was the problem. When I told her I was upset she told me that we didn't want me to be her mummy any more. I admit to losing my cool at this point and telling her to leave me alone. I didn't shout this, but I did say it loudly and firmly. DH then tried to get me to engage in what we were sorting everyone outfor tea. I got it all out of the freezer and said I was going upstairs.

Dd was upset with me being angry at DH, and still cannot understand why I am upset, she cannot stop crying and DH did nothing to comfort her.

I have calmed her down, and brought her down for dinner as DH felt it was my issue to resolve. I was annoyed at this too, as at 7 dd should really understand that her words have an effect, and she cannot say upsetting things to people when they are already upset, and then expect that person to be there for them when they need them.

DH still feels I am being unreasonable. He has apologised reluctantly. I am surprisingly tearful over this.

I feel as though I give all of myself to others, make agoodjob of communicating my thoughts, intentions and feelings and am completely abandoned by my family because they fancied doing something better.

Aibu? I am able to take criticism, like I say I am rarely upset or emotional about things.


TravellingToad Sat 03-Jan-15 18:05:54

YANBU has he explained why he drove off in the rain without you?

Not a funny joke. I'd be livid.

AbneyorTeal Sat 03-Jan-15 18:06:10

He drove off and left you to walk home without a coat, in January? Not acceptable. I would be livid.

FunkyBoldRibena Sat 03-Jan-15 18:06:22

Where the fuck were they? That's a cuntish thing to do.

BackforGood Sat 03-Jan-15 18:06:27

Can you tell us why he drove off? Thats what im confused about.

justmyview Sat 03-Jan-15 18:06:28

If it was a genuine misunderstanding and DH thought you were content to walk home, then perhaps YABU. If he left you deliberately, thinking it was funny, then YANBU

Violetta999 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:07:12

Where was he? Where was the car?

Roseformeplease Sat 03-Jan-15 18:07:50


Never mind the 7 year old - she is used to getting comfort from you and was being mean, but is 7.

Your DH ought to be grovelling and very, very sorry. He sounds like a tossed who needs to be told he was massively out of order, particularly enlisting child in his criticism of you. And it was mean to leave you.

LadyLuck10 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:08:11

Did you not call himconfused
You behaved very immaturely. Your dd actually seemed more adult here. You were upsetting her, could you not have got in the car and had a discussion at home about what happened rather than behaving like a child.

roundtable Sat 03-Jan-15 18:08:36

Yanbu - why on earth did he drove off?

Stand your ground.

ShadowSuperNova Sat 03-Jan-15 18:09:02


Has he given you any kind of explanation for driving off?

IMurderedStampyLongnose Sat 03-Jan-15 18:09:02

YANBU.Mummy is a person too and your DD needs to understand that you are entitled to be upset when things happen,just like she gets upset sometimes.Your DH is a bit of a weirdo.

Homemadewhine Sat 03-Jan-15 18:09:37

He thought I'd be a while so went to wash the car. He didn't say anything to me about leaving. As I left the car I expressed surprise that they weren't all coming into the chemist with me and said "I'm going to have to wait for this prescription" - DH never said at the point "but we're not going to wait for you" or anything!

BaronessBomburst Sat 03-Jan-15 18:10:03

Why did he drive off? What a twat!

Salmotrutta Sat 03-Jan-15 18:10:06

Was it supposed to be a joke?

Completely unfunny if so, leaving you coat less and wet.

And if it wasn't a joke what was the reason for driving off leaving you coat less and wet.

I'd be furious and upset too OP!

ImperialBlether Sat 03-Jan-15 18:10:35

He sounds horrible, tbh. I would have been very upset.

Agree that you were being silly to not get in the car. But your dh was being a knob.

CakeAndWineAreAFoodGroup Sat 03-Jan-15 18:10:47

My ex did that in a car park too. Winter, rainy, no coat as I had nipped in to get some milk and he drove round so I couldn't see him. When I spotted him he drove up and then when I went to get in the car drove off again a small way.

I walked up to the car and again he drove off. I walked to the car, saw him about to drive off as I got to the car again so I went and got the bus home.

It's not funny and I was, as you are, furious.

Homemadewhine Sat 03-Jan-15 18:10:58

Didn't take my phone into the chemist with me! I wasn't expecting to need it.

AlpacaStockingOnChristmasEve Sat 03-Jan-15 18:11:16

I would be alternately furious and really upset that he had gone off without me. Your dd sounds like she could be repeating dhs 'reasoning' to her as to why he was going without you.

I would certainly let my feelings be known. Calmly and quietly (which would take some time I can assure you) but I would tell him, and dd, exactly how you felt.

Violetta999 Sat 03-Jan-15 18:11:29

In that situation I probably would have taken myself off to the nearest pub and ordered a bar meal leaving DH to get on with feeding and doing the bedtime routine

hamptoncourt Sat 03-Jan-15 18:11:31


Is this a huge misjudgement on DH part or is he usually such a wankbadger?

I know other posters will say it is childish but I would be inclined to give him a taste of his own medicine and see if he still though it was hilariously funny.

Cut DD some slack - she has seen how upset you are with DH and is worried.

inlectorecumbit Sat 03-Jan-15 18:11:41

Really LadyLuck10 honestly really hmm !!!!

Salmotrutta Sat 03-Jan-15 18:11:47

Ah, sorry - see update.

He sounds ridiculous.

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