to think that it is ok for a 10 year old to take himself to the toilet when you are in a pub

[jellymaker]

I have been out to a pub with friends and kids. My friend was really shocked that we allowed ds to take himself to the toilet there, saying that he could be attacked whilst in there. We are looking for opportunities for him to become independent before he goes to senior next year. this seems like a good one. AIBU to allow him to do this. At what age did your children do this ?

[Squeegle]

Of course it's ok.
Has your friend not got kids?

[Tulipblank]

5.

Yanbu. 10 is plenty old enough.

[Sianilaa]

Mine have been doing this since they were about 5! I wouldn't let them do it somewhere busy like a shopping centre but in a pub/restaurant where you can watch who goes in and out of the toilets I really don't see the problem. We give them a couple of mins and if they take a while, one of us will check.

[BathshebaDarkstone]

DD age 7 does it as quite often it's just me and the DC when we go for a pub breakfast or lunch.

[LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett]

I think any pub where I'm happy enough to take a 10 yo to, I'd be happy to let him go to the loo by himself. Obviously there are some pubs where I'd think it was too rowdy/rough but then we wouldn't be in there with dc.

I think a pub is safer than say a big shopping centre.

[Moonraker37]

That's fine. Yrnbu

[CMP69]

My 6 yo goes by himself mostly

[Mehitabel6]

I should think that any 10yr old would be very embarrassed to have to be accompanied to the toilet! (If they would let you).

[tyaca]

DS is 5 and always uses mens loos. If DH isn't with us, he goes on his own. I hover outside a bit nervously.

[dietcokeandwine]

Good grief.

I have a 10yo and I let him do this. DS also goes alone in the men's changing room at our gym to get changed for swimming. As you say it's all about building up their independence and confidence gradually as they head towards senior school.

You are right OP and your friend is bonkers.

[bakingtins]

My 8 yr old goes by himself when we are out at a pub or restaurant and has for at least the last year or so. Presumably this is a family friendly place? The issues are can they work the unfamiliar locks, open heavy fire doors, remember to wash their hands? It wouldn't even cross my mind as a risk of being attacked unless this is in some dodgy place where unsavoury males hang around.

[dietcokeandwine]

I also let my 10yo take his 5yo brother to the loo sometimes if we're in a cafe or similar...

Unless there are significant SEN or anxiety issues to consider, I'd assume any 10yo would protest a lot about being taken to the loo. (In fact even if there are SEN-my 10yo has Aspergers and would die of embarrassment if I attempted to take him into the ladies with me).

[Mehitabel6]

Your friend's DS needs to stand on his dignity and refuse to allow it.

[MinionsAndLego]

YANBU around age 10 seems like the appropriate age, my eldest is 6 and I would never ever let him use the mens restroom alone.

[Minshu]

A lot of swimming pools don't allow kids over the age of 8 to use changing rooms of the opposite gender, so I always thought that was an upper benchmark for such a level of independence (depending on the place you're in).

I always go with my 5 yo DD unless it's somewhere we know well. I'm possibly a bit PFB and know very little about children

[jellymaker]

She has children who I think have been heavily supervised ....they are teenagers now..... but she was just soo shocked that we allowed this saying " anyone could be in there". I do know that but the chances of that in an average pub are pretty low. Thanks for responses. I thought I might have completely misjudged this one.

[nottheeurowinner]

Of course it is OK.

I think most people prepare their kids for adult life by letting them become more independent as they grow.

Although there are a lot of over-protective parents around, too.

My SIL for example, wouldn't even let her 12yo go to the loo by herself ...on a train....and the whole family were all sitting within 12 feet of said W.C. .....and there were only 2 other people in the carriage.

I remember when at 13 she let her go to her friend's house by herself for the first time (they live in a very quiet, nice suburban area - and the house is literally opposite theirs)

SIL watched Dniece from the sitting room window, and yet still made DNiece call on mobile once she had "arrived safely"

[inneedofsomeclarity]

My 6 year old dd takes my 3 year old dd when we are somewhere like a restaurant and the toilets are near by. Don't see the problem.

[wonkylegs]

DS is 6 and goes by himself and has probably since he was 5, not really thought about it.
My main concern has always been him mucking about in there (but he's pretty sensible for 6) or the door being too heavy.
I wouldn't let him go on his own in a big shopping centre or somewhere I couldn't see the door in & out & I do keep an eye on how long he's been in there. But as I said this is more to make sure he isn't mucking about rather than worries about other people being in there.
They have to learn independence sometime and it's better to start with small steps like going to the loo & learning clear boundaries for behaviour (his & other people's) & what to do if there is a problem than wrapping them in cotton wool until they are adults.

[Timetoask]

I am one of those very paranoid mums when it comes to public toilets. I never used to be but there have been so many cases of peodophiles lurking in every corner that it really scares me. My 9 yr old has learning difficulties talks to everyone and doesn't understand risks well so I take him with me and there is no way he will go on his own.

[HeresToAVeryDrunkAndHappy2015]

I don't let my 11 and 8 year old dds go on their own yet. But I do realise that's down to my own issues.

When I was around 7 or 8 I took myself and little sister who was about 3 at the time to the loo whilst my mum and nan were in the cafe of a big department store. We got trapped in the cubicle, the door jammed and wouldn't open. We were hysterical, screaming for help. Eventually someone got a member of staff who stood on something and managed to unjam the door. We were stuck in there for around 20 minutes and my mum and nan never even noticed how long we'd been gone.

I'm paranoid about something like that happening that I don't let them go alone. To be fair my 11 year old dd has ASD and is not as socially aware as an NT 11 year old.

[DragonMamma]

My 7yo takes my very nearly 4yo to the loo and I'm happy for her to go alone and have been since she was 6yo. This is only in pubs and places I'm largely familiar with though, or family friendly pubs where I can see the loo entrance.

[dementedpixie]

my 8 year old goes by himself and has done for a year or 2

[lljkk]

There was a horrific assault & murder on a child in a California public toilet about 10 yrs ago. (Not trying to scare you). But on back of that single event I know people who would never let their kids use a public men's toilet alone until at least age 12.
Bit like the M-McCann case. I can easily remember people leaving their 1-4yos alone for hours in hotel rooms during adult events 15 yrs ago. Then one kid goes missing in one hotel in one country & now everybody says it was always obviously dangerous.