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To think the school need to support my child

(341 Posts)
mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:02:38

DS turned 4 at the end of July so started in reception as one of the youngest. Hes been struggling and today I was called in because he ran out of the hall in a PE lesson then when the TA tried to get him back in, he had a tantrum. He then had to wear his PE kit the rest of the day as he refused to get changed and he had no top on as he refused to wear his t shirt.

They said he won't line up either and runs off, also had a tantrum when going to lunch. Also keeps trying to run off at the end of the day.

At the moment I feel he is not being supported, they just keep trying to put him in time out but this doesn't work, I said he needs ignoring but they said that isn't possible. To me it's all down to him being a summer born.

They also complained he's been annoying the school rabbit, this really upset me as at home he loves animals.

AIBU to think they need to do more to help than ring me, as he behaves fine at home so I can't do anything.

Sirzy Thu 10-Oct-13 19:05:48

I don't think saying you can do nothing helps. You and the school need to work together to find out what the problem is and find a way around it.

Shellywelly1973 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:08:52

Sadly this is very common. My ds is 5, June birthday. He struggled through reception class. Now he's in Yr1 its worse. I was told this morning the school are reducing his hours & if I don't agree they will exclude him.

He's fine at home. Follows instructions, understands house rules etc...

Im at my wits end & don't know what to do anymore. I feel for you!

mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:08:54

I've told them strategies that work but they ignore them.

YouTheCat Thu 10-Oct-13 19:09:10

I saw it as my responsibility to prepare my dd (and my ds to some extent though he has severe SN) for starting school.

She knew she would have to line up, sit quietly, listen to the adults. If I saw a child of 4 regularly being unable to take part in the normal school day, I'd be wondering why tbh.

Sirzy Thu 10-Oct-13 19:09:51

But what works for you at home may not work for them or be transferable into a classroom setting.

noblegiraffe Thu 10-Oct-13 19:09:52

School can't ignore a child who refuses to follow instructions. That is just setting up problems later down the line.

How do you get him to comply with instructions at home? Perhaps suggest that to the school?

noblegiraffe Thu 10-Oct-13 19:10:49

Sorry x post. What have you suggested?

Shellywelly1973 Thu 10-Oct-13 19:12:20

I've done everything the school has asked of me. Including camhs & EP who both agree ds doesn't gave obvious sn.

Ultimately I can't control ds if im not with him. He hates school. His name is on waiting lists for any local school but I don't actually think that will help but I don't know what else to do.

EdithWeston Thu 10-Oct-13 19:13:29

Strategies that work at home may not be appropriate for use in larger groups. They cannot "ignore" a child, for that leads to 1, 2, then 5, 6 children, then maybe more, doing their own thing and then chaos follows. And the disruption from some ruins it for all.

Of yo believe our DS is not developmentally ready to be in a group, how about deferring him until January or even April? Perhaps worth talking it through with his teacher?

mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:13:31

not engaging with him works best

TigOldBitties Thu 10-Oct-13 19:14:21

Ignoring isn't a suitable in school strategy.

All but one of my DC are summer birthdays, including one on the 30th August. I really don't think its a factor.

You and preschool/nursery should have prepared him properly. You need to do work at home to get him behaving in school. What was he like at preschool?

Sirzy Thu 10-Oct-13 19:14:38

But that isn't possible when you have 29 other children around to. You can't just leave a child like you could at home.

If a child runs out of the hall of course they need to be followed, they can't just be left to run around school as they wish!

PMDD Thu 10-Oct-13 19:14:52

You may be better off doing only mornings for a while so that he gets older and more used to the routine that school requires. Also often in the afternoon schools do more relaxed stuff as the children are more tired. He will soon find out he is missing out on things that are planned for the afternoon and start wanting to join back in.

YouTheCat Thu 10-Oct-13 19:15:09

You can't ignore running off type behaviours - who do you think would be at fault if your ds had an accident at school because he had run off and been ignored?

Spirulina Thu 10-Oct-13 19:15:18

But if he runs off you expect them to not engage/ignore him?

mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:15:38

I can't defer him as I am at collage

PMDD Thu 10-Oct-13 19:16:49

All my children are summer born and non of them behaved like this. My eldest has sn. However, they all went to pre school from 3 and they were a great stepping stone to preparing for school behaviour. How did your son get along at preschool? I think that is quite key.

mychildisnotnaughty Thu 10-Oct-13 19:17:11

He was Ok at preschool, he went through a bad stage once but grew out of it

NotYoMomma Thu 10-Oct-13 19:17:53

ignore a child who goes running off, tantrums and won't put his shirt on? sure, ignoring will be possible and won't affect others.

how can you expect support but then tell them to 'ignore him' when theybare trying to work with you?

PMDD Thu 10-Oct-13 19:19:01

That says a lot. If your son was better able to manage the routines and behaviour requirements at preschool, then he should be able to at school. Why don't you have a quick call to the preschool and see what they say, they may have learned ways to deal with your son that they didn't mention at the time but could pass on to the school teachers. Also, at least you can say to his school teacher that the preschool was able to manage his behaviour.

froken Thu 10-Oct-13 19:19:14

I would take him out of school until he lawfully has to go, he is obviously not coping with school at such a young age.

Spirulina Thu 10-Oct-13 19:19:36

Then college can wait, your ds is more important surely?

BoundandRebound Thu 10-Oct-13 19:19:49

You can't ignore a child in a school setting

You need to work with the school as he's clearly not happy

YoureBeingADick Thu 10-Oct-13 19:20:23

Get a cmer or nursery place- if he isnt ready for school then he shouldnt be there just because its convenient/ cheaper for you

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