Advanced search

So upset. DP and best friend have been having a little "chat" about me.

(1000 Posts)

MNHQ have commented on this thread.

Babybunny88 Sun 08-Sep-13 16:06:06

Before my friend "A" and I met she had been friends with my DP for years. DP and I were both mutual friends with A. That is how we met, she thought we would be a good match and introduced us 7 years ago. Fantastic.

Obviously because they have been friends for so long they occasionally text which doesn't bother me in the slightest, I know they don't have any romantically inclined feelings for each other. He has often said she is like a sister to him.

Anyway, I was playing a game on DPs iPhone while he pops round to his dbs house and a message from A popped up. I accidentally pressed it (really was an accident, as I was playing the game and hit the notice), and saw my name mentioned in the text so couldn't help reading it.

It said " Lol! do you want me talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it."

Anybody seeing that message would feel inclined to read previous messages, wouldn't they? So I scrolled up and saw that supposed best friend and "d"p were talking about how much weight ive apparently gained. This is word for word how the text convo went:

A: hey, thanks for coming over last night. DH and I enjoyed seeing you both and your DD has got so big!! (We went to theirs for dinner last night)

DP: babybunny and I had a nice night as well. You cook a mean curry!

A: haha I know everybody loves my curries! Maybe though a salad would have been more healthier lol!!

DP: Ahh but who wants a salad on a Saturday night? Curry goes better with Beer! Babybunny doesn't like salads anyway.

A: yes I know... Maybe we should try to get her to like them though..before she puts on any more

DP: yeah maybe. ( I suspect DP didn't know what to say at this point)

A: you know I love her like crazy, but she seems to have put on a bit of weight.. Not good for her health!!

DP: Yea its been since DD was born. Do you have any suggestions? I've noticed this too but for obvious reasons can't say anything.

A: tell her to put down the pies lol!! Just joking! Talk to her about it if it were me I would like DH to tell me!

DP: are you joking? She will go apeshit. Definitely not guareenteed to put down the pies then!

A: Lol! do you want me to talk to babybunny about it? Ill make her promise not to say anything to you about it.

I am sitting here half devastated half furious! I can't believe the two of them have discussed this! Ok fair enough it wasn't for my eyes and they are probably worrying about my health but I am so upset and don't know what to say to DP when he gets back. Do i say anything to A? i already have self esteem issues and this has made me feel total and utter shit.i didn't think I was that fat. And they are both wrong, I do infact like salads!

Help? sad

friendslikethese Sun 08-Sep-13 16:08:12

a is a bitch.

I think your dp comes out of it better. He sounds as if he didn't quite know what to say.

Writerwannabe83 Sun 08-Sep-13 16:09:01

I feel mortified and angry for you!!!

That is just so wrong!!!

Your hubby should have been telling A how beautiful you are and that your weight is none of her business!!

I hope you are ok, I would be really upset if this was me x x

Coast2Coast Sun 08-Sep-13 16:09:43

Have you gained a worrying amount of weight?

burberryqueen Sun 08-Sep-13 16:09:47

how nasty of her and disloyal of him
have no idea what to suggest....

Hullygully Sun 08-Sep-13 16:10:48

A is a cow.

Poor dp clearly felt awkward.

burberryqueen Sun 08-Sep-13 16:10:50

agree it sounds as though he didnt know what to say, and comes out a lot better than she does.
your weight is none of her damned business.

Tabliope Sun 08-Sep-13 16:11:02

I think your friend A is a bitch and has been completely disloyal to you. She might not "want" your DP but she sure as hell likes having a bit of a special relationship with him and an element of control over the relationship. She's completely overstepped the boundaries imv. Not sure what to suggest though. I personally wouldn't want to see her again so that she'd lose that element of control of me through DP but it wouldn't bother me if he carried on seeing her as a friend.

maddy68 Sun 08-Sep-13 16:11:14

I think your dh didn't do anything wrong. He just didn't know what to say. She sounds like a bitch

crescentmoon Sun 08-Sep-13 16:11:33

since she started it itd be wise to ditch your friend - it seems like she wants him to have a problem with you. maybe she's got problems in her own marriage and is trying to spread the misery out.

TwoMuchTwoYoung Sun 08-Sep-13 16:12:19

They both come across as nasty and bitchy and he had plenty to say.

I've noticed, she'll go apeshit and won't put down the pies.


Babybunny88 Sun 08-Sep-13 16:12:47

Thanks everyone I feel so upset about this. I gained some weight while pg with DD and found it hard losing it. Put it this way I was a size ten pre-baby now I'm a 14.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 08-Sep-13 16:13:15

I have no advice but can understand how you feel.

I'm sorry.


I'd give the friend a wide berth for a while.

Sounds like she has her own insecurities and was fishing for compliments but I don't think you need someone like that in your life.

I think your DP just had no idea what to say.

monicalewinski Sun 08-Sep-13 16:13:23

Wow. What a bitch!

Nasty and wrong, agree that your DP comes out of it better though - I'd be upset and furious too. I'd probably say you saw it and how to your DP, but I'd cut her right off.

Explain to your DP about your self esteem etc but please don't take what she said too much to heart if poss - she's mean.

StuntGirl Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:02

Have you put a lot of weight on? Have you mentioned wanting to lose weight?

A is a grade A cow regardless, and your husband should have told her to butt out.

JoinYourPlayfellows Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:24

A is indeed a bitch.

She went into that conversation looking to have a dig about your weight.

I don't think your DP did too badly, given what she was saying.

Yes, he could have been more loyal, but this conversation did not come from him. It had to be dragged out of him.

I think in your situation I would

1. Talk to my DP as soon as he got home, tell him about what you read and how much it upset you.

2. Cut A entirely out of our lives. She is bad news.

MrsBungle Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:27

What a bitch! A brought it up but I think DP could have brought it to a close - he didn't have to get into a conversation about your weight. I would be livid at this conversation about me.

Hamwidgeandcheps Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:31

A is horrid hmm dp didn't instigate the fat talk though but he didn't defend you eighth hmm

Johnny5needsinput Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:35

A is a bitch.

Text her and tell her to do one

DesperatelySeekingSedatives Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:46

A is no friend. A is a first class cunt.

I'd be angry with her (I AM angry with her on your behalf and I know neither of you personally!) I'd also be upset at your DP's apparent lack of loyalty. He should have told her to fuck off when she started being so rude about you, friend or not. That said, I'm not so sure my own DP would be that direct with anyone even though if anyone dared talk about him that way I'd give it to them with both barrels!

WhoNickedMyName Sun 08-Sep-13 16:14:51

'A' seems to have led your DP into this conversation, but he joined in quite happily with a bit of piss taking.

Fair enough if they are both genuinely concerned about your weight from a health point of view, but this text conversation does not read like that. I think 'A' enjoys having a bit of influence over your DP.

MrsRajeshKoothrappali Sun 08-Sep-13 16:15:10

A 10 to a 14?

Have your tits/arse gotten bigger?

If yes then it explains the jealousy.


WayHarshTai Sun 08-Sep-13 16:15:22

I would phone her, from his phone, and go fucking apeshit at the nasty shit stirring backstabbing cunt.

squoosh Sun 08-Sep-13 16:15:43


Chop the evil witch up and throw her in a fucking pie!

What a cow, sounds like she was trying to get your DP to bitch about your weight. He shouldn't have entertained it but it does sound like she is the one trying to make your weight an issue with him.

Do you say anything to A??? HELL YES!

Tabliope Sun 08-Sep-13 16:15:45

One thing to be concerned about your health but the way she said it was in a bitchy way and she also wanted him to collude with that - who the hell says tell her to put the pies down. She wanted your DP to bitch about you to - why? Because he was "hers" first and she's pissing on your relationship to keep a mark on her territory. She doesn't want him sexually but she likes to be in control of the two of you in some subtle way. What an utter cow. DP acted like a sheep laughing at the put the pies down comment when he should have stuck up for you and told her that comment was uncalled for. Two snakes in the house and I feel for you.

This thread is not accepting new messages.