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To find it amusing how women that are obsessed with how they look and are in love with themselves...

(238 Posts)
Nonalphamum Tue 03-Sep-13 10:36:27

.......are often perceived by others to be 'very beautiful' when often they are not.

I am thinking of two examples really; the first is a mum from my DCs school. Early forties and totally obsessed with the way she looks and constantly putting 'selfies' on Facebook of herself posing. she is average looking but I know lots of women that are far prettier and more natural. Yet because she thinks she is gorgeous everyone queues up to tell her how gorgeous she is and lots of mums at the school seem to be taken in by it too 'X's mum is so beautiful'. I think they are taken in by it as she wears nice clothes, has hair extensions, fake tans, nail extensions etc.

The second is a woman I know from an online forum. Again average looking but totally in love with herself and absolutely covered in fake tan and make up, and posting constant selfies again on Facebook. She is known as the 'beautiful' one from the forum but in all honesty I think lots of other members are far prettier and more natural.

I know I'm going to be accused of being jealous, and I'm truly not. I just can't understand why people are taken in by that kind of person. It's like if a person loves themselves then everyone else assumes they must be beautiful. A bit like the Emperor's New Clothes scenario.

LadyBigtoes Tue 03-Sep-13 10:49:31

Don't let it get to you. I do know what you mean about women like this, there are some, but they are probably like that because they need reassurance, and that set-up is a (rather convoluted) way to get it.

On facebook, as at the school gate, people tend to revert to playground-like/12yo behaviour and you get a queen bee and her followers who prop them up. The followers get the queen bee's approval and so it's a mutually beneficial relationship.

Just observe them and resolve not to be like that. There are always people who are out of that loop / can't be arsed with the game-playing and they are better people to be friends with anyway.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 03-Sep-13 10:49:55

I don't think the OP meant to be's more a comment on how people perceive what they're told to....I remember a young 20 something, I always dressed very day I had an interview and borrowed clothes for it....I noticed how differently I was treated in my mate's designer gear! It was remarkable.

Nonalphamum Tue 03-Sep-13 10:50:07

Zoe909 you have hit the nail on the head!

ouryve Tue 03-Sep-13 10:50:23

Octopus - a lot of us "pale pasty people" can't tan. Our skin is incapable of producing melanin in sufficient quantities.

I'm sure if we stayed out in the sun for long enough, the freckles might join up, though we'd do untold damage to our skin in the process. The alternative is fake tan, of course, but why should I cover my skin with chemicals purely for the sake of some people's idea of beauty?

Feminine Tue 03-Sep-13 10:50:34

pete you think orange people look nicer do you?

What should poor fair skinned humans do? hide away? Wear a bin bag?

Your post has really annoyed me. Actually more than any other crap I've read over the past few years...

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Tue 03-Sep-13 10:50:38

Lady we've got one of those but nobody will follow her! grin

Zoe909 Tue 03-Sep-13 10:50:51

Ps, agree that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. There are people I consider beautiful because although they like themselves, they are confident and validate others , that is beautiful to be around. A photo of a person like that might not catch your eye though.

tanfastic Tue 03-Sep-13 10:51:12

I think some women think that you can only be beautiful and glamorous if you don fake nails, fake tan, fake eyelashes, fake hair etc. however it's up to them. I don't think this is necessarily a good look but I do know lots of people who love this kind of look so I do understand where you are coming from.

HotCrossPun Tue 03-Sep-13 10:51:54

Why are so bothered by it?

People tell these woman they are beautiful, you don't think they have 'earned' the comments by being naturally beautiful.

You sound very, very bitter OP.

Zoe909 Tue 03-Sep-13 10:52:12

Nonalphamum, I'm reading a book about self-esteem at the moment! it's not that I was a wreck or anything, but it's really clairified a lot of behaviours. My own amongst them! It's a learning curve.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 03-Sep-13 10:52:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nonalphamum Tue 03-Sep-13 10:53:17

Zoe, I'm fascinated by things like that. I love to know the reasons behind peoples' behaviour

MurderOfGoths Tue 03-Sep-13 10:54:00

Conclusions so far from this thread, it's only ok if people are beautiful in a very specific way, and they are not allowed to be too confident in case they seem arrogant. Oh and if they happen to be quite plain but dress themselves up in a manner that makes them feel happy and confident then they are taking people in. How awful of them.

Feminine Tue 03-Sep-13 10:54:05

Its always the ignorant that refer to fair skinned people as pale/pasty.

I'm fair, I can tan though. I choose not to.

For this I have been rewarded with looking younger than I am.

A forced tan is a bad way to go.

LimitedEditionLady Tue 03-Sep-13 10:55:17

I am my natural skin colour,i dont feel like i need to put tan on to feel good but I dont care if anyone else does.It annoys me that people will say oh look jow pale she is.I dont what colour you made yourself so why is my skin something to be disgusted about?

squoosh Tue 03-Sep-13 10:55:55

Naturally Pale People Unite!

LimitedEditionLady Tue 03-Sep-13 10:57:51

Meant to be i dont care what colour you are

TheSmallClanger Tue 03-Sep-13 10:58:19

Tanning is shit. It ages the skin if real, and makes you look orange and smell faintly of cat wee if fake. And don't try and convince yourself that expensive spray tans are subtle and non-smelly. You are still orange and smell a bit like a vet's waiting room.

To get back on topic, I find that I instinctively don't trust very confident, popular people. I can't articulate why, but it must be a hangover from being at school.

FruitSaladIsNotPudding Tue 03-Sep-13 10:59:16

I know what you mean. I think some people get complemented a lot because it's so obvious they want to be. You kind of feel you have to. But it's obvious people like that have pretty low self esteem.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 03-Sep-13 10:59:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZipIt Tue 03-Sep-13 11:00:39

I have to admit (and I think I am BU, personally) that I can't help feeling wound up by the whole posting-of-beautiful-"selfies" thing. It's just so irritating!

However, it seems to me that it's more of a problem with "society" (us) than with the individuals who do it. We (collectively) are the ones who are "taken in" and (collectively) impressed by it all. They get positive responses from it, so continue to do it.

LadyBigtoes Tue 03-Sep-13 11:01:18

Actually I don't think the OP is saying it's only OK if you are beautiful, or that being vain is a shooting offence.

It is true that a queen bee-type woman (or girl) will often have a kind of beauty that is all about maintenance, highlights, amazing skin treatments etc etc and is not natural prettiness but she will be constantly requiring people to tell her that she is beautiful and a certain group will comply.

In fact people who are naturally stunning without a shred of make-up of designer gear have no need for this kind of circus do they. They will always be admired.

It is interesting, in terms of sociology, group dynamics etc. I mean enough american high-school films have been made about this situation - it is well-known. If you are on the sidelines or not in the clique then it can look ridiculous. I don't think the OP should be put down for commenting on it.

TheUglyFuckling Tue 03-Sep-13 11:02:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MurderOfGoths Tue 03-Sep-13 11:03:09

SmallClanger I was like that at school, there was this stunningly beautiful girl in my year. Looked like a porcelain doll, just perfect in every way, always well dressed and I hated her. Never spoke to her, but I hated her anyway.

Until eventually I got talking to her and found out she was a wonderful person, with more demons then I could dream of. Couldn't hate her then.

Has made me check myself when making assumptions now. She didn't deserve my hate and distrust. That was all me.

ZipIt Tue 03-Sep-13 11:03:13

Some people try and 'cheat' these attributes but it's obvious they are cheating. I'm not sure I find it obvious, TUF. I don't think it's that easy to tell if someone's had their teeth whitened/hair done well. Think of the (very expensive) work that goes into creating the "natural" look of slebs....

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