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To be disappointed that my sister is pregnant too

(188 Posts)
itsmyturnnow Sat 15-Jun-13 20:39:17

I'm pregnant with my first child, and announced it a couple of weeks ago. V. v. excited. My sister has just announced that she is pregnant with her third.

She's had a lot of attention - she had the first grandchild - a girl, then she had a lot of problems trying for her second - a boy (so the family now has one of each gender) and I was really there for her and supportive through it all and delighted for her, and I LOVE my niece and nevvy, but now I feel like this is meant to by MY time and she's pregnant again.

I must admit my heart sank when she announced her news, and I don't feel good about that, but it's just the truth. She's a very bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so we were both at mum's last night and all the chat was on her, her symptoms, what names go with her existing dcs and the only thing they really said about me was that I'm lucky as I'm not really suffering many symptoms except tiredness so far whereas she's got everything in the book.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from? sad

Sparklingbrook Sat 15-Jun-13 20:40:42

I think this is unreasonable but understandable.

kilmuir Sat 15-Jun-13 20:41:33

she does sound a bit of a pain.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:42:13

I sort of do..but it will be lovely for your children to be so close in age in the end, I think, so dont despair smile

CaptainSweatPants Sat 15-Jun-13 20:43:27

Maybe you need to have a word with your mum to say you feel left out ?

LittleBearPad Sat 15-Jun-13 20:43:38

YABU I'm afraid to be upset she's pregnant. YANBU to perhaps want a little more attention. If your sister is an extrovert and you aren't then quite probably she'd be the centre of attention, pregnant or not.

HotCrossPun Sat 15-Jun-13 20:43:57

I understand where you are coming from.

But if you start thinking like this now, it's just going to make you miserable throughout your pregnancy.

Try not to focus on her and just enjoy your own pregnancy experience.

And Congratulations thanks

DTisMYdoctor Sat 15-Jun-13 20:44:07

YABU but I do understand where you're coming from. Nothing can take away from you how exciting it is that your first child is on its way and it will only feel like a competition if you let it. It'll be lovely for your child to have a cousin the same age.


babyhmummy01 Sat 15-Jun-13 20:46:26

I wouldn't say you were being unreasonable as such, but I think your reaction is perfectly natural! I am fairly sure my sister is p*ssed at me for being pregnant as it has taken some attention away from her impending wedding - I was told for 17 years that I couldn't have kids so it has come as a massive shock and everyone in the family is focussing on this rather than her wedding which I feel awful about cos her big day should be at the forefront. Luckily we are quite close so there is no animosity directed at me but I wouldn't expect her to be over the moon.

You could talk to your sister about how you feel, she may not have realised. I suspect she will be upset that you feel this way, have you tried looking at it from a different perspective - at this these cousins can grow up really close, you have someone on hand who will know and understand exactly how you feel through everything and offer support etc...I would kill to have a close friend/family member to go through this with esp one who has done it before and can slap me down when my anxiety goes into overdrive about every ache and pain!

Methe Sat 15-Jun-13 20:47:04

She sounds quite inconsiderate sad

WafflyVersatile Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:31

Entirely understandable.

If it makes you feel any better my sister got engaged on Christmas. she next saw their friends at NY by which time a couple who had only been together a short while had also got engaged. That couple got pregnant on honeymoon while my sister took over a year to conceive.

Then her pregnancy announcement coincided with our brother's engagement announcement, quickly followed by their (rushed) wedding and their own pregnancy announcement. And they beat her to having the first grandchild by 10 days.

SnoopySnoopyDoggDogg Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:41

No, you're not BU it is perfectly understandable to privately be a bit miffed. Its unfortunately something you will have to come to terms with but I totally get the feeling a bit left out now, your first pregnancy is a massive deal to you so maybe a little word with your mum might help if she's likely to be understanding? Otherwise its probably just a case of having to suck it up, in the long term it will be lovely for your children to be close in age and like as not by your second or third time round you might look back on how you feel now and be a bit blush BUT that doesn't make how you feel a t less valid at the moment.

Congrats on your pregnancy and try to just enjoy it as much as poss.

Notfootball Sat 15-Jun-13 20:48:54

Fine to feel like this, just don't say it out loud. It will be great to go through your pregnancies together and for your children to be so close in age, lucky cousins. First pregnancies are very special, you feel like you are the only pregnant woman in the world; enjoy it.

raisah Sat 15-Jun-13 20:49:31

you need to snap out of this thinking because you will drive yourself potty comparing everything re your dc until the day you die. It is understandable why you feel this way but you are being v precious. Think of the positives, that your new baby will get a playmate/ cousin the same age. You need to think positively otherwise you will become bitter and twisted.

Jinsei Sat 15-Jun-13 20:50:55

Change the way you look at it. I was pregnant at the same time as my (older) DSis, and in many ways, I think it brought us closer together to go through stuff together. Also, our DCs are only a few weeks apart and get on like a house on fire!

cogitosum Sat 15-Jun-13 20:51:28

I know exactly how you feel! I'm
Due in 4 weeks and my dsis is due in dec it really upset me as I feel my ds will only have a few months of being the youngest and Christmas will all be about her baby. (she'll be induced at beginning of dec).

Similar as well it's my first and her third (she had twins before) and also she had health issues last time so it's all dramatic

It's completely unreasonable and I feel like a real bitch but it really upsets me!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee Sat 15-Jun-13 20:53:06

It's not especially nice or worthy - but it is understandable grin

Maybe try to have some time with your parents on your own so you can be the focus in your own quiet way. I'm sure they are super thrilled that you are pregnant smile

gruber Sat 15-Jun-13 20:53:57

Completely get where you're coming from. I was very miffed (to put it mildly) when my SIL announced her pregnancy (first month of trying) whereas DH & I were 10 months in and worried... Then sadly she miscarried. I then fell pregnant, so did she shortly after, so we were pregnant for most of the same time & I did feel a bit put out at having to share the attention. So I completely sympathise

What helped was all my friends are separate to hers so even though family was tough, among friends it was just me which was helpful.

frutilla Sat 15-Jun-13 20:54:40

This doesn't seem to be an issue about you both being pregnant, but more about her always insisting on being the centre of attention. You finally had your chance to be important and now she's vying for the attention again. So I would say....YANBU!

fatfinger Sat 15-Jun-13 20:54:53

Nope, don't see where you're coming from. YABU. You've just got pregnant, this isn't an exclusive club to be in!

It is a special time for you and your partner though, enjoy it in this context but don't get the hump with your sister.

AThingInYourLife Sat 15-Jun-13 20:55:02

I'm amazed that the attention is on her.

First pregnancies are way more exciting than boring old thirds.

I've been pregnant same time as my sister twice and it was great and great having kids close in age smile

Sparklymommy Sat 15-Jun-13 20:55:40

Totally understand how you feel but I tend to agree that you are bu. your children are going to be close (hopefully) and you should be looking at this from a more positive viewpoint. You can share this experience and support each other.

pinkr Sat 15-Jun-13 20:57:27

I'm due for Weeks before my sisters wedding but i'm sure she doesn't mind one bit. It's a shame you have to see it as a competitive thing...each child and pregnancy it's just as special as the other.

Trills Sat 15-Jun-13 20:59:23

You are clearly being unreasonable, yes. I hope you understand this. She has not got pregnant in order to spite you or take attention away from you. If you bring this up with anyone they will think you are being petty and ridiculous.

It's understandable that you wanted to be the centre of attention. That's normal. But you are still being unreasonable.

LittleBearPad Sat 15-Jun-13 21:01:10

Cogito. You'll have a 6 month old at Christmas. Far more fun to watch, sitting up and grabbing things than a teeny baby as cute as they are.

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