To be disappointed that my sister is pregnant too

[itsmyturnnow]

I'm pregnant with my first child, and announced it a couple of weeks ago. V. v. excited. My sister has just announced that she is pregnant with her third.

She's had a lot of attention - she had the first grandchild - a girl, then she had a lot of problems trying for her second - a boy (so the family now has one of each gender) and I was really there for her and supportive through it all and delighted for her, and I LOVE my niece and nevvy, but now I feel like this is meant to by MY time and she's pregnant again.

I must admit my heart sank when she announced her news, and I don't feel good about that, but it's just the truth. She's a very bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so we were both at mum's last night and all the chat was on her, her symptoms, what names go with her existing dcs and the only thing they really said about me was that I'm lucky as I'm not really suffering many symptoms except tiredness so far whereas she's got everything in the book.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from? :(

[Cabbageleaves]

OP you are suffering an acute sibling rivalry

Try to control it :) Your sister didn't do this deliberately. You need to be happy with your own life. Stop feeling like your life is dependant on hers. It isn't.

You have options here. You can allow yourself to dwell on perceived slights... Or chill and enjoy your baby

Your call

[candyandyoga]

Yabu.

Of course your sister wants your mum's help too as she has two other kids and as long as your mum gives you time first too - you can share!

These seems yo go far deeper - big sibling rivalry? Does she always steal your thunder?! But yabu about her pregnancy.

[elemis]

Amazed at the number of people who think you are being reasonable
I think this is very precious behaviour, absolute nonsense.
You are having a baby, be happy

[aloysiusflyte]

Just to add a bit of perspective, a month ago I would have said yanbu, I found out I was pregnant with a much planned and wanted second child, my sister then announced she was pregnant with an accidental fourth child, due within a few days of mine. My initial reaction was as others have said 'this is my turn, I want all the attention blah blah.' I soon came round to the idea and we were going to be pregnancy buddies and support each other through it all.
Fast forward a few weeks, I had a mmc at 11 weeks, she has just had a successful 12 week scan. This situation is shitty beyond belief, I would give anything right now to be pregnant at the same time and sharing this experience rather than grieving for my lost baby.
Maybe have a think about that and stick by your sister and enjoy the experience together.

[Monty27]

Cabbage

Well said.

I can't believe that some people actually think that others should plan their conceptions around their own. It's bordering on weirdness. (Because I can't at this moment in time spell bizaare/bizarre???)

[Liara]

This goes beyond being self-centered about the pg, you are actually not even thinking about the benefits to your own child!

I was over the moon when my sister announced her pg immediately after I did (we had the same due date!). I am so happy that ds1 has cousins the same age and wish the same was true for ds2.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Am still reading Alysious So sorry. It must be very raw. With love and prayers xx.

[Monty27]

Another good point there, close cousins :)

[WhereYouLeftIt]

"Oh and she's already said that she's going to be needing mum to come and stay when her baby is born (due 3 weeks after me) as she has 2 other dcs to look after and I'll only just have one tiny newborn to focus on so I'll be fine. ... [mum] went to sis's for 4 weeks with her first and 6 weeks with her second."

Wow. So you'll be fine, but she needed your mum for 4 weeks? Sounds to me that she really, really likes to be the centre of attention.

I'm guessing that this sibling rivalry (which she appears to be winning ) is pretty much embedded in your family.

[Salmotrutta]

Such a shame that the impending arrival of new babies is being over-shadowed by feelings of unreasonableness...

[BabylonReturns]

When I was pregnant with my 3rd DC, my DB and SIL announced they were expecting their first.

They were worried about saying anything as they didn't want to take the attention away from me.

I think it's fair to say I was more excited about their baby than mine!! I'd done it twice before, knew what to expect etc, but they were so clueless!

My mum also admitted she was more excited about their baby, because it was their first, and to me that was natural!

Now I was 4 months ahead of SIL, and I had every symptom going, sickness, tiredness, swollen things etc!

SIL sailed through. I had at least four false starts.

SlL was bridesmaid for her twin sister on the Saturday and had her ds on the Monday.

She was calm, controlled and absolutely brilliant. I was so proud of her and DB.

I whined and moaned through the last 6 weeks, but she just sailed on! I was very envious!

I'm happy to say our ds' are now lovely little play mates! Enjoy your pregnancy x

[scottishmummy]

I'm surprised op getting such a pasting,she's admitted to unreasonable feelings
that's what human condition is,mixed up,jumble and not logical
I hope both ladies have healthy pg,and that all well

[aloysiusflyte]

Thank you marriedinwhiteagain it is still very raw. Puts everything into perspective though and I am very lucky to have a very supportive dsis x

[IloveJudgeJudy]

I kind of think it's understandable for you, but you really do have to get over yourself. SIL and I were pregnant at the same time for 3 DC. One of my other SILs was pregnant at the same time for the third one. We both had our babies on the same day. DM asked if she could go and see my SIL with her firstborn, first and come and see me afterwards. Of course I said yes as it was my third and her first. I wasn't jealous or had bad feelings towards either SIL and I hope they didn't towards me. It is nice that the cousins are the same ages.

[IloveJudgeJudy]

Meant to say. You need to deal with this or you will not enjoy your pregnancy or your first child so much. It is all in your head. So long as your baby is healthy and the birth goes fairly smoothly, that is all you need to worry about. You have your health, a lovely partner, a loving DM (even though you don't seem to be appreciating that) and good friends. Please be thankful for that.

[itsmyturnnow]

Thank you for all the helpful replies - both the ones that say they understand and the ones that give helpful advice to help me re-tune my thinking. I will enjoy this pregnancy - of course. I'm over the moon.

I know it's not right to feel resentful - I've said that. I just wanted to know if anyone else would understand how I feel - and they do. Thank you.

I love my sister but she is hard work, and I know that the next few months will be about her, not me, as far as my family is concerned - not because they are bad people but because she kind of commands centre stage.

My partner is one of six children and the other five all have children already, so nothing new on his side!! Plus they are all overseas. But they are very happy for us, anyway.

I'm very close to my mum and did want her to stay after the birth as my partner can't take paternity leave straight away due to the nature of his job. You're right I'll probably be sick of her after two weeks but I just hate the thought that she'll have to rush off to be with another baby.

Can I also say, as a new poster, that I am pretty and about a few (just a very few) of the responses I received. I wonder if you are this rude in real life or is it just because it's 'safe' on an internet forum? I find it quite embarrassing to read people speaking to another person like that, to be honest!

But thanks very much to all the rest of you. xxxx

[Sparklingbrook]

That's AIBU for you its. If you had put this in Chat it would have been a different thread probably.

[MaryKatharine]

You are of course being hugely unreasonable. I also think you are sounding a little petulant and immature by being grumpy that your mother may only be able to give you 2wks after the birth. You do realise that most women would give their right arm to have any help whatsoever even for a couple of days, don't you?

Also, your comment about your sister's children always being a drama such as allergies etc. You will very quickly learn, once your baby is actually born, that motherhood is one big mass of neurotic worry which very often may seem irrational to other people. As a toddler, they will fall and bump their head and even though you know it's only a bumped head you will find yourself watching them obsessively for the next 12hours to ensure they don't collapse with a brain haemorrhage. Rational thinking very often flies out the window especially early on.

You need to get over yourself and look at it as an amazing gift to both be pregnant at the same time and that your DC will have a lifelong playmate and that you will have someone to share those precious times with. She hasn't done this to annoy you, she is simply getting on with her own life, creating her own family. Concentrate on yourself, your partner and the new life growing inside you. It's a special time but its made that way because you are creating a new person and starting a new chapter in your life not because everyone is fussing over you.

[itsmyturnnow]

SparklingBrook I still think it's a bit sad that people ever think it's ok to be rude, anywhere, to be honest. Not sure why people can't express opinions - either in agreement or disagreement - without resorting to insults. It just makes them look awful!

MaryKatharine You're right - there is loads I still have to learn about being a mum and am sure that I'll worry over every little thing. I think I'm just more the kind of person who will 'watch and worry about the brain haemmorage' as you describe, though, whereas my sister is the kind of person who'd rush them to A&E, call the whole family while there, and then update Facebook ten times about the 'bumped head' drama. Love her - but it's wearing! And does make me think that she will demand all eyes on her as the pregnancies, and then babies, progress.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

It is a bit unlucky for you. I don't know if you feel you could talk to her about this?

[McNewPants2013]

It's amazing having a niece 3 months older than my DD, being pregnant and with hormones changes i think rational thoughts can be clouded.

Op I hope you have a happy pregnancy.

[MaryKatharine]

Well, try to step back from competitive parenting! You'll have enough of that from your NCT group!

I have 4 kids and my eldest DD had notched up 7 trips to A&E before she was 2yrs! She was wild and would climb and jump out of trees and stuff. 2 lots of stitches before 18mths, a button stuck in her ear, tripping over her feet and knocking herself out on the patio. the list goes on. Hopefully, you won't need a hospital visit but casualty is full of parents of young kids.

Seriously, enjoy the positives. Nothing takes away from how special your first baby is. Congratulations.

[CommanderShepard]

To be honest you sound as bad as each other. Forget about what she's up to and concentrate on yourself.

And be thankful that you've felt OK other than being very tired. Morning sickness is the pits and, having had HG, I'd have given my right arm to have been like you. I dread to think what feeling shit and being pregnant is like with preexisting children!

[Turniphead1]

Itsmyturnnow - only ever post in AIBU if you are very very sure you are being reasonable.

You got off fairly lightly.

In the same way that you can use this type of thread to say things you wouldn't in RL (ie your feelings if resentment towards your sister) - so too do people respond in more blunt ways than they would in RL. Don't take it too personally.

Enjoy your pregnancy and little one when the time comes.

[jojane]

I was you sister (to some extent). My sister told me she was pregnant with her first and I was over the moon for her, promised her all my baby stuff than found out I was pregnant with my third. I felt really bad as didn't want to steal her thunder. I am away from our family and she was close so that helped but our 2 little boys love each other when we meet up and I think she finds it good to be able to compare him to another little boy of the same age.