To be disappointed that my sister is pregnant too

[itsmyturnnow]

I'm pregnant with my first child, and announced it a couple of weeks ago. V. v. excited. My sister has just announced that she is pregnant with her third.

She's had a lot of attention - she had the first grandchild - a girl, then she had a lot of problems trying for her second - a boy (so the family now has one of each gender) and I was really there for her and supportive through it all and delighted for her, and I LOVE my niece and nevvy, but now I feel like this is meant to by MY time and she's pregnant again.

I must admit my heart sank when she announced her news, and I don't feel good about that, but it's just the truth. She's a very bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so we were both at mum's last night and all the chat was on her, her symptoms, what names go with her existing dcs and the only thing they really said about me was that I'm lucky as I'm not really suffering many symptoms except tiredness so far whereas she's got everything in the book.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from? :(

[missgrainger]

I have a nephew same age as DS they have grown up together... it's lovely to have a ready-made friend / companion, wouldn't be without each other

[wamabama]

I can totally see where you're coming from and am surprised that the attention is on her tbh with it being her third. When I had my second and third nobody was bothered! It was all 'well she knows what's coming, she doesn't need us around' sort of thing. But most people obsess over someone during their first pregnancy!

I think in a way, as much as you feel like she's stolen your limelight, it is kind of sweet. You can go through it all together and in the end your DC will be so close in age and hopefully grow up close

[expatinscotland]

This is such an eye-opening thread. All this 'first grandchild on both sides, she only had it on one side' and first grandchild shit (Is your own first child more special than your others? If and when you are blessed with grandchildren, will the first be the most special?), I was devastated my sister was pregnant at the same time as me, couldn't they have waited as I was having fertility treatment, and about fuss and attention.

Wow. Just . . . wow.

[MaryKatharine]

I, too, am a little stunned at the petulance of some posters on this thread. It is honestly, totally beyond my realms of understanding as to why someone could possibly be annoyed because they are not the only one pregnant within that family unit. It seems very child-like in an 'I want mummy to give me all her attention and praise.'

When we were expecting our first, we told parents after the scan. I then saw my parents twice more during my pregnancy then we phoned them after he was born. They came to visit when he was 5days old and stayed the night as they lived 4hours away. They were very happy and excited to be GPs and relieved it had all gone well but they then went home and carried on with their lives as we did with ours. They didn't treat me like a doll, a princess or a 6 yr old nor would I have wanted or expected that.

[marriedinwhiteagain]

Agrees with expat and marykatharine. Yes, wow. The joy is in safely welcoming a healthy baby into the world.

[Liara]

Really mindblowing attitudes on this thread.

As a friend of mine said (when his daughter was pg with her first) 'honestly, you'd think it had never been done before'.

It's a pregnancy, not a noble prize. If the most attention-worthy thing you have done in your life is get pg, then you have bigger problems than someone else doing it too.

[bedmonster]

Agreed MaryKatharine, can't believe some of the Mumzilla attitudes tbh. All very attention seeking and 'she's got a bigger bump than me, people think she's having a baby first, but IT'S ME! I'M MORE PREGNANT THAT SHE IS, LOOK AT ME, TALK TO MEEEEEEEE'

And yes I did mean to shout

[23balloons]

Haven't read the whole thread but I think YABU. I find it strange when grown adults seek attention this way. I hope you don't feel upset when your baby is born & the world as you know it will no longer exist & everything will start to revolve around baby. You will be glad for 5 minutes peace. I know this sounds harsh but I can't believe anyone would even start a thread like this?

[Northernlurker]

I'm with those who have no time for this self indulgence. Jesus wept! So you sister is pregnant? If you're both lucky you'll emerge from this time with two happy healthy babies and two happy healthy mums. There's NOTHING to be grabby, devastated or jealous over.

Like another poster I've heard awful news from my sister. In her case it was that her partner was dying. A pregnancy would have been an utter joy.

As for the Op whining that people have been rude to her - well that happens when you behave daftly. Think on.

[IdaClair]

This has actually been difficult reading for me, I don't really know why I carried on. The thrill and excitement of a first pregnancy is always something I feel I never had, as my first pregnancy ended far too early and I lost my baby. So the second pregnancy was, for me, utterly terrifying and I spent most of it in denial. Our families mainly didn't mention it. When the baby was actually born, noone even mentioned coming to help, and it wouldn't have ever occured to me that they would. I literally got straight up immediately after the baby was born and carried on with the day and visitors etc. Then I was a single parent a couple of weeks later. You have so many people to share your baby with, and what sounds like a great support network. From my point of view that's an incredible bonus, not something to feel upset about. As for only getting a few weeks of your mother staying - by the time I had my second living baby (my fourth, I lost my third along the way) my mother couldn't have come to stay, or even helped out. She died just after my eldest's third birthday. My biggest sits wistfully looking at her sibling wishing her grandmother could have seen her.

I've been pregnant at the same time as my SILs, twice, so I feel a little bit of what I think you're getting at. But both those times I lost my babies and they kept theirs.

I don't mean to make it into a 'there are bad things in the world so noone can be upset about less bad things' point, but there is an element of being careful what you wish for. Nothing is certain. At the moment, everything is good. Don't spoil it by looking for slights. Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope it is a happy and healthy one for you.

[decaffwithcream]

Sorry for your losses IdaClair. And to the others on this thread who have lost children.

I do not understand this thread or how anyone can be disappointed that someone they love is pregnant. I don't get what the level of attention an adult will receive from their parents for their pregnancy has to do with expecting a child. It seems lovely that your mother is prepared to actually move in with you for 2 weeks if that's what you would like.

[AThingInYourLife]

It seems very child-like in an 'I want mummy to give me all her attention and praise.'

Yes, it does.

And sad in that she seems unlikely to the approval she was hoping before.

I didn't feel anything like the OP does when my sis announced her pregnancy when I was pregnant with my first.

I was over the moon.

But I never felt ignored or overlooked or like my family were no longer interested in my pregnancy.

Because my sister and I aren't competitive with each other (any more :o as children we were dreadful) and my mother would make sure to make an equal fuss of us both.

It must be horrible and lonely to feel like your family no longer care about your pregnancy because your sister has stolen the limelight.

I can't really see the need for derision and being indignant.

We have longstanding threads on Mumsnet dedicated to how damaging family dynamics can be.

This kind of stuff hurts. And it matters.

A soon-to-be new mother is feeling upset. It's disappointing that the response is disingenuous wonder that anyone can be sad about something so trivial.

[Openyourheart]

Congratulations. Focus on the positives because dwelling on this will not make you happy.

[kennyp]

congratulations!!! do you remember the friends episode when monica and chandler got engaged and then rachel kissed ross and monica said that rachel was trying to steal her thunder? it sounds like that.

at least you can let it all out here, semi anonymously, and not face to face with your sister/mother etc. enjoy your pregnancy and honestly try not to let it all get to you. first pregnancy is lovely ... all the mooching round spendign 2838473 hours looking for the perfect pushchair, etc etc. enjoy it :)

[decaffwithcream]

I don't think the wonder that someone can be sad about this is disingenuous AThing.

Some people have posted that people they loved have announced pregnancies when they were struggling to or could not conceive or had very recently miscarried and that that was difficult. That I fully understand.

But actual disappoint because something happy has happened to someone you love purely because it reduces the attention given to you? I do not get that. There is nothing disingenuous about it, I very genuinely don't get that.

[Northernlurker]

No I don't get it either. This is not a good or reasonable way to be feeling. This diminishes the OP and she needs to pack away these feelings asap not have them pandered to.

[AThingInYourLife]

"But actual disappoint because something happy has happened to someone you love purely because it reduces the attention given to you? I do not get that. There is nothing disingenuous about it, I very genuinely don't get that."

You don't get that sometimes people feel overshadowed by their siblings?

You can't imagine that in some families certain members always command the attention and that it can be hard for the ones who are overlooked?

You struggle to empathise with a woman who feels that her older sister is preferred by her mother?

You are perplexed that she is worried that she won't now get the support she believed would be available?

And your puzzlement is so urgent that it needs to be expressed in unkind terms to an upset pregnant woman?

Really?

You are that lacking in imagination and empathy?

Shit, I got upset and worried about way stupider things than this when I was pregnant.

[AThingInYourLife]

Pandered too?

FFS Northern, that's beneath you.

[Northernlurker]

The OP has posted wanting her feelings of jealousy to be validated. She wants to be pandered to. That's not a good way to be thinking.
Her thread title says she is disappointed her sister is pregnant. And you want me to pat her on the shoulder and say it's fine to feel like that when you're pregnant? No it isn't.

[Lazyjaney]

I can see the OP's pov, and her sister sounds like a bit of a drama queen.

Maybe in your own quieter way OP, start to engage your Mum with all your hopes and fears without Sis around.

[AThingInYourLife]

It sounds to me that she wanted to be understood about feelings she already feels bad for feeling.

Sibling rivalry causes a lot of people a lot of real pain.

[decaffwithcream]

Um wow that's a whole lot of assumptions there AThing.

OP posts that she loves her sister but is disappointed and sad that her sister is pregnant. She gives no indication that her sister may not have wanted the pregnancy so it appears to be a happy event in her sisters life.

Many many people feel that one or more of their siblings are more preferred by their parents than them. Some people are probably completely accurate when they feel that too.

I do not see how it follows to feel disappointed that something good and wanted has happened for her sister. She is very excited about her own pregnancy, why be disappointed about her sisters.

[GibberTheMonkey]

Once again I find myself thankful for my birth family and my family by marriage.

[Sparklyboots]

Lols. One of the things having your first child teaches you is that the pregnancy wasn't ever about you, you are the support act in someone else's story. If looking at your child doesn't make you realise that, then your whole family happily oblige by treating you like you are some sort of elaborate baby stand, whose sole purpose is to produce said baby, fed, well-rested and recently changed, for everyone else to have a turn of, until such a time as they are bored or the baby needs resettling/ feeding/ changing.

Congratulations, darling. When your baby comes, you'll not be interested in this any more. Don't let old stories and roles spoil this magical time for you. My family still pull the same old shite that used to send me up the wall. But as I've a family of my own now, I couldn't give a fuck. Leave them to it and enjoy your new adventures in family to come.