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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be disappointed that my sister is pregnant too

187 replies

itsmyturnnow · 15/06/2013 20:39

I'm pregnant with my first child, and announced it a couple of weeks ago. V. v. excited. My sister has just announced that she is pregnant with her third.

She's had a lot of attention - she had the first grandchild - a girl, then she had a lot of problems trying for her second - a boy (so the family now has one of each gender) and I was really there for her and supportive through it all and delighted for her, and I LOVE my niece and nevvy, but now I feel like this is meant to by MY time and she's pregnant again.

I must admit my heart sank when she announced her news, and I don't feel good about that, but it's just the truth. She's a very bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so we were both at mum's last night and all the chat was on her, her symptoms, what names go with her existing dcs and the only thing they really said about me was that I'm lucky as I'm not really suffering many symptoms except tiredness so far whereas she's got everything in the book.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from? :(

OP posts:
scottishmummy · 15/06/2013 21:54

family dynamics,human. relationships don't necessarily make sense,aren't mature
op simply describing an emotion,that defies logic.she knows she shouldn't feel like this
we've all been subject to,that pull of emotion over logic. so long as its not enacted in real life no harm acknowledging it

DeskPlanner · 15/06/2013 21:54

YABU, but I do understand.

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 21:57

Perhaps if you were more happy for others they would be happier for you and give you the attention you seek. Sounds v sad to me OP. Babies can't be planned for anyone you know.

Nonsense, I planned mine down to the night of conceiving.

mummytowillow · 15/06/2013 22:02

I understand completely, my brother and SIL gave my parents their first grandchild snd they were pregnant a month after they married.

I had been married 4 years, several cycles of IVF and I cried to my husband when I found out Sad I wasn't angry, and I was delighted for them but sad for myself because I'd not got there yet.

But four months later our IVF worked and I have a DD now Smile

However, I still feel the first grandchild is favourite and my DD sits in the shadows.

marriedinwhiteagain · 15/06/2013 22:03

Well lucky old you molly. Mc 17 weeks, ds 36 weeks, mc 11 weeks, ds2 27 weeks (died), dd 42 weeks (a miracle 51 weeks later). That doesn't include all the pre 6 week mcs.

Does that make you feel just a teeny bit more smug?

marriedinwhiteagain · 15/06/2013 22:06

Well lucky old you molly. Mc 17 weeks, ds 36 weeks, mc 11 weeks, ds2 27 weeks (died), dd 42 weeks (a miracle 51 weeks later). That doesn't include all the pre 6 week mcs.

Does that make you feel just a teeny bit more smug?

Methe · 15/06/2013 22:06

"nonsense, I planned mine down to night of conceiving"

How lovely for you. And how clever you are!

It isn't like that for most people. 'Cos they're shite.

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 22:06

No, should I feel bad by pointing out that it is a fact that some people can plan conception and pregnancy? That is all.

I am genuinely very sorry for your losses.

I have been bereaved 3 times this year, does that make you feel smug?? We all have our sorrows.

WafflyVersatile · 15/06/2013 22:08

You should probably feel a bit stupid for thinking that.

EleanorFarjeon · 15/06/2013 22:09

I think you sound a bit childish, sorry.

Just enjoy your pregnancy and don't expect to be the centre of the universe.

Sparklingbrook · 15/06/2013 22:09

Sometimes you can't help how you feel. And putting it on MN is quite therapeutic.

Growlithe · 15/06/2013 22:11

Molly when you planned it did you check with all your relations of child bearing age first, to make sure you wouldn't be stealing someone else's attention?

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 22:14

Growlithe, no I just wanted a baby.

Just to confirm, I see no problem with either sister being pregnant, it's not a Thrown which can only be sat on by one sibling at a time. As it happens, I have 2 sisters, and each of them had a pregnancy coinciding with mine.

wigglesrock · 15/06/2013 22:14

YABU and if your sister is a drama queen, I'm not sure she's the only one in the family.

You can have a bit of a ffs moment but you're already niggling about how much time your Mum is going to spend with each of you after the births and the kids aren't even here yet!

marriedinwhiteagain · 15/06/2013 22:14

All of ours were plannned Molly - you don't plan the mc and we certainly didn't plan ds2's early birth or the fact that his congenital heart condition was incompatible with life. I am one of life's great planners. Maturity teaches one that the best laid plans can go horribly wrong. Let's hope yours don't.

maillotjaune · 15/06/2013 22:18

Don't feel sad that your mother will only stay with you for 2 weeks after the birth. You may find 2 days is enough!

Monty27 · 15/06/2013 22:20

I'm astonished by the stuff on this post.

A baby is the most important thing you'll ever do. Look into that instead of other shit outside stuff.

I'm definitely missing something here. Mind you I have about 30 nieces and nephews and love every single one them :)

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 22:21

Of course I am fully aware of plans going wrong/of MC being unplanned. My father's heart surgery didn't come around in time...his early death didn't form part of our family plan. I wont go into any of the rest of my life's sorrows as quite frankly it is not relevant to this thread. There is no need for either of us to remain on the cross.

Simple fact - some people can plan conception, after that it is nobodies guess what can happen.

No need to patronise with your maturity comment.

Growlithe · 15/06/2013 22:24

Molly, you quoted married: Babies can't be planned for anyone you know., saying this was nonsense. You were able to plan yours, but only for yourselves not for anyone else you know. So the point wasn't nonsense. Even less so after reading subsequent posts from married.

marriedinwhiteagain · 15/06/2013 22:24

Leaves thread

rockybalboa · 15/06/2013 22:30

It's really hard. YA prob BU but I know how you feel. I had 3 mc's before finally falling pregnant with DC1 and my sister fell pregnant with her first a month later. Made me irrationally cross.

Monty27 · 15/06/2013 22:30

Myturnnow

Just get over yourself. I sympathise with your dsis having such a me me me dsis.

Do grow up.

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 22:33

I think we have a difference of understanding:
Babies can't be planned for anyone - I disagree babies can be planned for some people, conception at least quite easily and accurately.
Babies can't be planned for everyone - I agree some people have difficulty conceiving and sadly some people suffer repeated losses.

I suppose if people wanted to argue for the sake of it, they could focus on more exact terminology like conception and healthy pregnancies.

I am leaving the thread now, as I have no interest in getting involved in an argument on this topic.

My opinion is just my opinion I am not trying to ram it down anyone's throat.

Turniphead1 · 15/06/2013 22:34

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Growlithe · 15/06/2013 22:36

Molly the point actually was 'babies can't be planned for anyone you know'.

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