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AIBU?

To be disappointed that my sister is pregnant too

187 replies

itsmyturnnow · 15/06/2013 20:39

I'm pregnant with my first child, and announced it a couple of weeks ago. V. v. excited. My sister has just announced that she is pregnant with her third.

She's had a lot of attention - she had the first grandchild - a girl, then she had a lot of problems trying for her second - a boy (so the family now has one of each gender) and I was really there for her and supportive through it all and delighted for her, and I LOVE my niece and nevvy, but now I feel like this is meant to by MY time and she's pregnant again.

I must admit my heart sank when she announced her news, and I don't feel good about that, but it's just the truth. She's a very bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so we were both at mum's last night and all the chat was on her, her symptoms, what names go with her existing dcs and the only thing they really said about me was that I'm lucky as I'm not really suffering many symptoms except tiredness so far whereas she's got everything in the book.

Does anyone know where I'm coming from? :(

OP posts:

Report

Mollydoggerson · 15/06/2013 21:02

You can't change your attention seeking sister,
You can't change your pandering mother.
Just change yourself, you don't need their attention or approval, just focus on yourself, your excitement, your pregnancy and your baby.

bedmonster · 15/06/2013 21:02

YABU. I was the first out of my brother and I to have a baby. Then I had another one. 2 girls. Then dbro had a baby girl. Lovely. Then I fell pg again while they were trying. My scan confirmed I was having a boy. Then they fell pg and had a boy too. In their eyes, I probably 'beat them to everything'. In my eyes, I was getting on with my own life and having a family. I definitely didn't have any of my DC for attention. I had them because I wanted them.
If you wanted yours too, just be happy with that. You don't want horrible pregnancy symptoms just for attention. Be happy that you have a baby on the way, try not to see it as a competition.
Congrats :)

maillotjaune · 15/06/2013 21:03

My third was born 3 weeks after my sister's first....

I remember feeling guilty when I told her because I wanted it to be a special time for her but actually I am very definitely not a bubbly, centre of attention kind of person so this was never likely to happen.

Can see where you're coming from, but the attention is being given by other people e.g. your mum so not entirely your sister's fault.

apostropheuse · 15/06/2013 21:05

YABU. It's all a bit childish to be perfectly honest.

All babies, and therefore pregnancies, are special. Rejoice in your good news and rejoice in her good news.

I really in all honesty cannot understand how one pregnant woman can be jealous of another pregnant woman - just because she's pregnant at the same time as her - especially when the women concerned are sisters.

If you had come on here and said you were having difficulties conceiving and your sister had just got pregnant for the third time I may have understood, but this is just plain daft.

1944girl · 15/06/2013 21:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lonecatwithkitten · 15/06/2013 21:06

I completely get how you feel my sister had her second six weeks prior to my first. I was quite when my Mum told me that she wouldn't be able to come and help me as my sister would need her more. To be honest as she popped her DD out and quickly got breast feeding. Whereas I had a 40 hour laboured with a horrible terrifying surgical delivery in theatre and then terrible anaemia with a baby that wouldn't grow when I fed her. But still her needs were greater than mine.
But whilst all that is still inside I have to put it aside otherwise it would destroy my relationship with my Mum and Sister.

megsmouse · 15/06/2013 21:08

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Smudging · 15/06/2013 21:08

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BirdyBedtime · 15/06/2013 21:08

YAB a bit U. My DSiS can't have children so I''d have given anything for her to be pregnant at any time BUT there is also a tiny part of me that thinks YANBU as it's your first. Just focus on the positives and hope that at the end of the day you both have healthy children.

Pinkflipflop · 15/06/2013 21:09

YANBU! When you are pregnant with your first dc it is such a happy special time and it's lovely to have a fuss made of you.

Don't feel bad for the way you feel! I wouldn't mention anything to your sister or family as you might sound a bit precious but moan away on here!

Sister probably is just as happy and excited to be pg with third as you are with first though!

missinternationallove985 · 15/06/2013 21:09

I know exactly where you're coming from. This is a long story. I will make it as brief as I can
I was very very jealous of my friend who became pregnant back in 1997. Going from the attention she got you'd been forgiven for mistaken she was carrying the next Jesus Christ. I also became pregnant but lost the baby 4 weeks after conception, but I didn't really feel jealous anymore more inferior.
Almost a year after m/c I was pregnant again and my friend was delighted for me, I felt so guilty then for being jealous of her. A few months into my pregnancy. My friend announced I think I 'm pregnant again, and I was "That's brilliant" However I was secretly very envious thinking the attention would be taken from me and given to her, and she'd not long had her turn in the lime light! It turned out to be a false alarm though. xx

MummaBubba123 · 15/06/2013 21:10

Who cares whether you are it you aren't being unreasonable. It's how you feel. I get you ;)
When I was pregnant, my emotions were all iced the show. Try to accept your sister for the wonderful centre of attention that she is and find te with your mum when she's not around. If your mum definitely won't tell her, confide in her. Your time to shine! You might find it nice to have a little cousin for your little one, though - later on.

itsmyturnnow · 15/06/2013 21:12

Glad I'm not alone, even if I know it's not really reasonable to feel annoyed with her.

I can totally see how it's going to pan out too, as her children always have 'drama' around them as far as my sister is concerned (worries, problems, allergies, special gifts etc - which always turn out to be nothing and they are just normal kids!)

Oh and she's already said that she's going to be needing mum to come and stay when her baby is born (due 3 weeks after me) as she has 2 other dcs to look after and I'll only just have one tiny newborn to focus on so I'll be fine. I did say to mum about this and said I was hoping she'd come to stay for a good length of time (she went to sis's for 4 weeks with her first and 6 weeks with her second) and mum's response was that she'd come to me when mine is born and then go to my sister's when hers arrives, which will probably be around 2 weeks later, and it will feel like my baby is less important almost straight away. :(

OP posts:

Growlithe · 15/06/2013 21:12

I'm sorry, but I think you need to grow up a bit if you are ong to be a parent. Once the baby is born none of the focus will be on you, and you will be grateful of someone close with a baby of a similar age.

babyhmummy01 · 15/06/2013 21:13

sunflowers a little unnecessary there!

scottishmummy · 15/06/2013 21:14

yes,I understand.and on a certain level it's understandable but don't let it grate
congratulation in your happy news.dont compete, and sometimes grin and ignore

expatinscotland · 15/06/2013 21:15

WTAF? 'First' grandchild, one of each gender, I feel left out, it's MY time, waaaaahhh.

Are you for real?

Get over it and yourself.

Sparklingbrook · 15/06/2013 21:16

Don't worry too much that your Mum may not stay for as long as you want either. You may not feel the same after the baby is born. You may want it to be you, your DH and the baby.

SalaciousCrumb · 15/06/2013 21:17

Things will even out. Can understand your feelings at the moment though. I have an extrovert successful older sister. YANBU to feel a bit fed up with her but in other ways YABU.

My sister had her dc a long time before me. She is reluctant to return favours of having mine overnight (says her husband has gone past having small children around - life's taken over for them). All forgotten. I have reminded them but as they work long hours and their dc are grown up it's just not relevant to them.

At least you won't be isolated either; you'll always will have another young family to hook up with.

LittleprincessinGOLDrocks · 15/06/2013 21:17

YABU.
With both my pregnancies both my sister and my SIL were pregnant at the same time! Talk about something in the water!
Whilst I did want some focus on me, I soon discovered that is what my DH and friends were for.
My Sis and SIL were there for sympathy with pregnancy issues. It was great if I am honest. It felt as though we were all going through it together. Especially with SIL as our due dates were just days apart both times!

We now have children who get on so well, and family gatherings are much more fun for the kids. Also going to school was easier for both of mine as they had a cousin in their class, which made it less scary for them.
I think as you get closer to your due date you may even be glad that you can divert attention to your sister.
Congratulations x

scottishmummy · 15/06/2013 21:18

id have hated anyone staying after having weans,and certainly not weeks

littlepeas · 15/06/2013 21:18

I've had back to back/overlapping pregnancies with my sister in law for the last 5 years. We just started our families at the same time. Our weddings were 6 months apart. No big deal - it's nice for cousins to be close in age. Nobody plans babies around what is going in with anyone else, she won't have done it on purpose, she is as entitled as you to be excited about her pregnancy - my third baby was as wanted and eagerly anticipated as babies one and two. You don't have a baby for fuss and attention, you have a baby because you want a baby - so what if someone else wants one at the same time?

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pianodoodle · 15/06/2013 21:19

I'd love to be pregnant at the same time as my sister! You will need them so don't mention your feelings as it could cause unnecessary hurt.

Attention during pregnancy is nice but looking back, I felt fine for most of it and would have been happy enough getting my own cup of tea etc...

When you actually need some attention is after the baby is born and you are sore and tired - but by then everyone is stampeding over you to get to the cute baby :D

The exceptions to this are usually people like your mum and sister so keep them close xxx

Smudging · 15/06/2013 21:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pinkflipflop · 15/06/2013 21:20

I was certain I wanted my mum to come and stay the minute my baby was born.

Turned out dm was ill with the flu and couldn't come, actually didn't see the baby until he was 3 weeks!

Best thing ever, dh and I fund our own way and took charge as we saw fit.

I wouldn't recommend that anyone has their mum to stay after a baby is born. You just need to get on with it! You'll be fine!

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