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Children's birthday party, wibu to leave out this girl?

(141 Posts)
mimmum Sat 18-May-13 10:51:25

Just a quick one really arranging my dd's birthday party. She gets on pretty well with the Gris in her class, except or one. This girl seems to be v popular and gets on well with the other girls except for my dd who she seems to really dislike. My dd has described that this girl passes her in the classroom or corridor se always gives her a pinch or a shove. Recently sh told my dd that she was disgusting. Dd wants to invite all the girl but her, while I understand why, I'm really struggling with this as I hate excluding young children, they are 7 years old, but would I be wrong to insist dd invites her?

CrapBag Sat 18-May-13 10:54:57

Whilst I don't normally agree with leaving one child out, in this case I would. Why should a girl who is being downright nasty to your DD be invited to her party? She shouldn't be and if the matter comes up (ie with a parent or something) then it should be made clear why she isn't invited.

Also I would want the school to know about the pinching and shoving, this sounds like it could escalate and soon. She is a bully and she shouldn't be invited to a party for the person she is bullying.

LayMizzRarb Sat 18-May-13 10:56:23

It is your daughters birthday, and I think she should be involved in choosing who is invited. It's not about how the other girl feels about being excluded, it's about your DD being able to enjoy her party with those she feels comfortable and safe with.

5inabed Sat 18-May-13 10:58:26

I'm torn on this one as she is only 7 but on the other hand she is horrible to your daughter. I have a 7 year old dd and I don't think I would put her in the position of feeling uncomfortable on her birthday if you are asked you can just say they don't get on and be very discreet with invitations.

rottentomatoes Sat 18-May-13 11:00:05

I think excluding her would exacerbate the situation. I would invite her but speak to the teachers, child or parent first.

schobe Sat 18-May-13 11:04:08

Birthday is a separate issue. Why is the bullying being allowed to go on at school? Have you spoken to school staff about it?

Can you convince your DD to invite her so you can first hand what goes on and breathe right down this girl's neck so she knows you're onto her

But seriously, can you be absolutely certain that things are exactly as your DD says and that there isn't an element of 'bullying back' in trying to exclude this girl?

fuzzypicklehead Sat 18-May-13 11:06:31

How many girls are in the class? Perhaps you can limit numbers to half of the girls and do something special? But no way I would invite somebody my daughter feels bullied by to her birthday party.

Alisvolatpropiis Sat 18-May-13 11:07:21

I wouldn't invite her.

imaginethat Sat 18-May-13 11:13:34

This is about an occasion for your dd to feel special. Don't invite someone who makes her miserable. Who cares what anyone else thinks? Anyone with half a brain will understand that the birthday child's wishes take precedence at their party.

pumpkinsweetie Sat 18-May-13 11:14:44

I wouldn't invite her due to the circumstances, but to soften the blow I wouldn't invite all the girls except her. Maybe you could have five girls and five boys for example, then the girl isn't going to be the only girl left out iyswim.

MrsMelons Sat 18-May-13 11:18:24

If you have spoken to the school about this child and it is known that it is happening etc then I would have no issues at all about not inviting her.

I think I would find it very difficult to invite a whole class without one child but if you are also excluding the boys then maybe its not so bad. I don't think I could do it myself but I would have my eye on the girl the whole time. If she doesn't liek you DD then maybe she won't come anyway?

It is not clear from your OP whether you have dealt with this situation or not at school?

ohbuggerhelp Sat 18-May-13 11:21:34

Party invite etiquette rules here are as follows :

All the class

All the boys
All the girls
Less than half.

I would never exclude one girl no matter what.

CloudsAndTrees Sat 18-May-13 11:22:57

I would tell your dd that she has the choice to either invite the girl, or leave out four or five others as well. Otherwise you are basically telling your dd that it's ok to do an unkind thing, and that makes it ok for unkind things to be done to her too.

Plus I agree that leaving her out is likely to make the situation worse.

Timetoask Sat 18-May-13 11:23:07

Maybe if she gets invited to the party things will improve at school?

diddl Sat 18-May-13 11:35:10

Jeez-it's a little girls party-why can't she invite who she wants?

rottentomatoes Sat 18-May-13 11:38:49

Because she will have to face possibly worse bullying from this girl if she feels aggrieved that she was singled out.
I would tackle the bullying problem before the party though.

FJL203 Sat 18-May-13 11:43:26

I wouldn't dream of inviting the child. I have no time for all this "You can't leave the child out" business. Why would you make your own child unhappy and send out signals that you have to put up with this nastiness? Would you expect her to invite her violent ex husband to a family dinner in 20 years time? No? Well why start giving her the message that we have to be nice to those who are violent or unpleasant to us now?

More importantly, please do insist that the school deals with the bullying if you haven't already, before it gets out of control.

WorraLiberty Sat 18-May-13 11:44:43

I take it you've been into school and asked them to sort this out?

What did they say?

rottentomatoes Sat 18-May-13 11:46:29

But it's not about the bully it's about the impact excluding her would have on the OP's DD.
The issue is that the bullying has been going on not the party.

Lj8893 Sat 18-May-13 11:46:35

Could you contact the girls parents before sending invited out (and the school) and explain your predicament. Explain what's been happening and as such your daughter doesn't want to invite the girl but you feel that is unfair and you don't want to exclude her, so perhaps the parents could talk to the girl and if this behaviour stops for a period of time (a week?) then you will feel more comfortable inviting her.

Hopefully if she can stop it for a period of time and come to the party that will sort some issues out. It may or may not work but surely worth a try?

diddl Sat 18-May-13 11:50:23

She's a bully-how will her going to the party make her suddenly stop/like OPs daughter??!!

DeskPlanner Sat 18-May-13 11:51:19

I wouldn't be worrying about the party, I'd be down at the school sorting the bullying out.

Vivacia Sat 18-May-13 11:52:45

Do you have time to invite the girl 'round for tea before the day of the party?

(Did anyone else's parents use this tactic when they were little?).

Lj8893 Sat 18-May-13 11:53:46

Yes she's a bully but she's also a child. It's funny how something like being invited to a party can make a child forget how they obviously didn't like someone before and suddenly want to be best friends.

I've been there! (I wasent the bully!)

specialsubject Sat 18-May-13 11:59:20

down the school and get the bullying sorted. And no invite. Life lesson, even at 7 years old. 'you behaved nastily so I didn't want you at my house'.

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