Advanced search

to be really proud of dh but to not know how to support him

(21 Posts)
MrsKeithRichards Mon 18-Mar-13 22:14:53

He's stopping smoking.

We both smoke, me 10 a week, if that. 2 a week on my way to work and a few at the weekends with a glass of wine.

He smokes 12 - 15 a day. That's less than before but still more than we can afford. It wasn't until I mentioned his habit map costing £120 a month that it sort of fell into place for him. Yesterday morning after our chat he decided that was enough. He's stopping.

He hasn't had a smoke since. I'm really pleased with him. I don't know how to support him though. Even though I smoke its barely enough to call an addiction. It's more habitual and connected to certain things. It's not a problem but I will not bother smoking again. I just know his habit is much worse and tomorrow he'll struggle on the way to work, at break times etc.

I really want him to succeeded, how can I help him?

kinkyfuckery Mon 18-Mar-13 22:19:59

Honestly, I think the best support you could give him would be to also stop smoking.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Mar-13 22:20:02

If he reaches the point where he finds himself buying a pack of fags, suggest the E.Cig to him.

It was an absolute godsend to me and you'll enjoy it too with a few drinks!

MrsKeithRichards Mon 18-Mar-13 22:22:53

I will be stopping. I haven't had a cig since last weekend. That's quite normal for me and I feel daft even counting that as stopping, it's just not smoking!

MrsKeithRichards Mon 18-Mar-13 22:24:30

Yeah I've tried a mates e cig, am worried about the nasties in them. Oh the irony!

I was going to order one but I think breaking the associations for him as quickly as possible would be useful.

TheEasterQODdy Mon 18-Mar-13 22:26:16

My dh is on champix
He is adamant that they're crap and don't work
He hasn't had a fag since last Sunday


He won't have it that the two are connected grin

jkklpu Mon 18-Mar-13 22:28:43

give up

TheFallenNinja Mon 18-Mar-13 22:29:30

If your only on ten a week then just make sure that you don't ever come home smelling of fags.

To him you will seem like Kylie just rocked up in a thong with a six pack and a kebab.

BumpingFuglies Mon 18-Mar-13 22:33:09

Just tell him how much you love him and how fabulous he is. Don't "go on" - that's worse than saying nothing, regardless of whether you are being positive or negative.

Talk about the future - anything that is not connected with smoking.

Best wishes to you both smile

70isaLimitNotaTarget Mon 18-Mar-13 22:38:56

NHS Stop Smoking ( Smoking Cessation Clinics I think they're called)

Boxing gloves. You can't open a packet of tabs or use a lighter wearing them wink

Helpful, not.

WorraLiberty Mon 18-Mar-13 22:44:28

I was going to order one but I think breaking the associations for him as quickly as possible would be useful.

Well I can see (and agree with) the common sense in that...but that's not always the way it works out.

I'm just suggesting it, if he gets to the point where he cracks and starts buying actual cigarettes again.

E.Cigs only contain nicotine and whilst it's addictive, it's nothing like as bad as all the other nasties that cigarettes contain.

For me personally, it was much better than gum/patches/inhalers etc...because it gave you the instant 'hit' you crave.

I wish him all the luck in the world but keep this link handy just in case.

IMO these are the best and much better than the cheaper copies

Magimedi Mon 18-Mar-13 23:10:28

Well done to MrKeithRichards.

I have never been able to understand people who can just smoke an occasional cig, like you Mrs KR. It has always been all or nothing for me.

Today is my 6 months without a cig & I would never have done it without e cigs - so this is an echo of Worra's post. They are truly a miracle.

DoJo Tue 19-Mar-13 08:17:59

I remember and advert from probably the 80s with John Cleese I believe whereby he tipped the contents of an ash tray into a jar, added water and recommended that every time you fancied a cigarette, you give the jar a shake, take the lid off and have a good long sniff of the contents. Personally, I gave up when I was pregnant and that was all the incentive needed, but this might work for your husband if he starts to waver (in fact, it makes me feel queasy just thinking about it!).

fluffyraggies Tue 19-Mar-13 08:28:39

DH gave up before xmas last year. He just stopped overnight - no patches or gums. I wanted to 'help' somehow (i don't smoke) but once he had made his decision he just wanted to get on with it. He told me mentioning it just made him think of it.

Every now and again i'll say - i'm proud of you for quitting, but i make sure i do it when he's obviously in a good mood and not likely to be hankering at that very moment grin

It's a struggle for him - he's surrounded by smokers at work - i think he's done bloody fabulously.

FairPhyllis Tue 19-Mar-13 08:41:54

If you are really married to Keith Richards then I think the damage to his body has been done and giving up smoking will have negligible effect. grin

Agree the single most helpful thing you can do is to give up too. It is really hard for ex-smokers to be around smoke. My dad still finds it torture and he gave up 30+ years ago.

footphobic Tue 19-Mar-13 10:39:54

Well done your DH! I agree you must also 'officially' give up to support him.

Some people can successfully give up cold turkey, particularly if they are 'ready' and in the right frame of mind to give up. I got to that stage and was no longer enjoying any cigarettes, in fact I really resented the addiction and the dependence, worried about the money and the smell, and it actually disgusted me in the end. I just needed to break the chemical addiction and physical cravings. It is such a relief when you give up, very liberating and life improving in so many ways.

I think lots of people do need more support though, they know they must/should give up but for some it will be hard mentally and physically. Research shows that using nicotine replacement therapy significantly increases your chances of success, by 2 to 3 times, surely it's worth going down this route to help increase chances for success? You can get it on prescription, or free from some clinics.

There are some facts on NRT here

Also have a look here on the NHS site. There is some helpful info and support here which might help you support him. Use any resources available.

In the beginning, change routine to break the cycle of those real 'out of habit' cigs. My worst cravings were with coffee and after a meal, again where I would always sit down with a coffee. So the coffee went for a while. Do something different during work breaks or difficult times, go for a walk, clean your teeth, anything to change the pattern, break habits and reduce the craving.

Put the saved money away.

Good luck smile

SoHHKB Tue 19-Mar-13 10:46:48

Just to say my dp gave up at New Year and hasn't slipped at all - I'm so proud of him. I asked how I could help and he said just not to ask him or talk about smoking at all because that reminded him. I found it quite hard because I wanted to know how he was getting on, especially when he was being grumpy as hell a bit tetchy...
I noticed he snacked more, especially in the evening when he was in the habit of popping out after tea and again before bed - maybe you could make sure there are a few tasty treats in the house as a distraction...?
Good luck to you both thanks

Floralnomad Tue 19-Mar-13 10:56:05

Try to put the money you both would have spent on ciggies in a jar , it soon mounts up and that's an incentive to keep going as in a few months you can have a real treat . Well done to your husband .

GloriaPritchett Tue 19-Mar-13 11:53:17

My mum's GP recommended that she eat proper chewy (ie. glue your teeth together) sweets whenever she had a craving. She swears it helped (her dentist probably doesn't grin)

MansView Tue 19-Mar-13 12:09:02

I gave yup smoking around 18 months ago -tho, I wasn't a heavy smoker, normally around 4-5 rollies a day?

I did find it quite easy - but what made it easy (as I'd tried to give up in the past) was the fact I actually wanted to give up rather than people saying I should give up, or that I should give up for my health etc...

once anyone gets into the mindset of wanting to give up then they will...if you don't want to give up then you won't - simple as.

the hardest thing was the routine - I'd have one of a morning - but also when I got back from work whilst making some food etc - the food would be one and there'd be a step missing from my routine...but once I overcame this it was fine...

freedom2011 Tue 19-Mar-13 12:14:00

My DH never complained when I smoked. But after I stopped we dd a lot more exercise together and he said I smelt better. Can you do partake in joint activites which celebrate your increasing lung capacity?

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: