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To want his teacher do more than just apologise?

(255 Posts)
FuriousP Mon 08-Oct-12 12:07:53

Sorry long post.I have namechanged for obvious reasons!
My son is a new Yr7 at High School, he has been loving classes, and especially those with a certain teacher, he has come home raving about how good her lessons are etc.
Last Friday, I had a very worrying call from his brother (DS2) to say DS1 had been upset by a teacher at school, and was so embarrassed he hadn't got the bus home, and was going to try to walk to his dads palce of work (only 1.5mile, but DS's dont really know the town where the school is very well, and certainly would not be sure of the walking route to that workplace) I tried to ring DS1, only to find his phone was out of power, so immediatly left work and drove to the school, only to find DS2 had got the late bus home instead (couldnt find dads, so went back and caught it, thank god)
It turns out that the beloved teacher had seen him fiddling under the desk (his pen had broken, he was trying to put it back together), and said "DS1, there is only one reason for your hand to be under your desk, and you having a big smile on your face, you are obviously playing with your willy!" and the whole class laughed at himsad My DS gets teased quite a lot as he has a few minor physical disability issues anyway, and found this totally humiliating, so burst into tears, and the TA took him out of nclass and sat with him outside to calm him down. Teacher then came out and said "Sorry, I shouldnt have said that, but lets not make an issue of it, shall we?" all DS wanted to know was why she had done this to him, which she wouldn't (or could'nt!) answer. The bell went for end of school, and all kids came out of class, still talking about incident and laughing, adn at that point DS had made the decision not to get on the bus.
When I got home and heard this, I tried to ring school, but only got answering machine, then at 6pm, I had a phone call from the school Deputy Head Teacher, apparently the TA had gone to him and reported the incident, along with another teacher who had heard this woman talking to DS in the corridor, and DHT, was investigating, and wanted to know if an apology was enough, or did we want more, as apparently this teacher was already under warning for "inappropriate behaviour"!
DS is very upset still, he is worried that the teasing will get worse, and everybody will say he was playing with himself in class, but doesnt want teacher to get sacked, what do I say I want to happen, as, personally I want her hung out to dry for hurting my sons feelings so much, but also want to repect sons wishes?? Thanks for reading this, any opinions welcome (puts on hard hat!)

FuriousP Mon 08-Oct-12 12:10:17

Just to clarify - am due to go into the school tomorrow to discuss this with DHT and give my opinion on what I "want" from the investigation.

ithinkimightbegoingmad Mon 08-Oct-12 12:11:39

that is really bloody awful sad

I dont know what to say...an apology is no where near enough; the damage is done huh

hopefully someone more useful will be here in a minute

are there other teachers he likes?

so angry for you

WorraLiberty Mon 08-Oct-12 12:13:08

See all of my 3 DS's would have burst out laughing if a teacher said that to them.

But clearly this teacher doesn't yet know your child well enough to gauge how he'd take it.

How do you know that teacher's 'under a warning for innapropriate behaviour'?

That information is confidential.

PomBearWithAnOFRS Mon 08-Oct-12 12:13:22

I think, when I'd calmed down a bit, and if DS did actually usually like this teacher and enjoy the lessons etc, I would want her to apologise to him personally, and also to tell the whole class that she was wrong to say it, it was inappropriate and to apologise for doing it.
I have no idea if the school would go for that, but it would let the silly cow teacher feel a smidgeon of the humiliation she inflicted on the child in her care with her ill considered inane comment.

Happyasapiginshite Mon 08-Oct-12 12:13:42

I'm a teacher and I don't usually repond on these threads cos I think teachers get enough bashing BUT this is absolutley dreadful, inexcusable, totally inappropriate behaviour from a teacher. It sounds like it's not the first incident either. I would take it to the Board, or whatever the next step is. The face that the DHT was telling you what steps you caould take would lead me to belive they might want to get rid of this teacher -she's going to land a court case on the school with that kind of behaviour. Your poor ds, NOBODY should be ridiculed in such a nasty way in school, but for it to be done by the teacher just beggars belief.

Dawndonna Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:00

Yep, let's make an issue of it. It was completely 1) Out of order. 2) Rude. 3) Unprofessional.
Sorry is nowhere near enough. How dare said teacher behave in that way, thereby setting the child concerned up for further bullying from his peer group.
Fucking outrageous.

TM08 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:25

Wow, what a cow!

I'd be fuming. An apology is definitely not enough imo. Especially if she's been in trouble before for similar reasons.

I hated this at school. Teachers could seemingly talk to pupils however they so pleased, but pupils had to treat them with utmost respect. i can remember a teacher teasing me about my scabby old trainers and my acne, so i said something like 'well at least my breath isn't as rank as yours'. I got put in detention for a week!

I think you should request this woman makes a public apology to the class, not just your DS. That way, the children will know she's admitting what she said was wrong.

BupcakesAndHaunting Mon 08-Oct-12 12:14:39

That's horrible and VERY inappropriate. Sounds like she knew it with her "let's not make an issue out of it" comment.

She should be made to apologise in front of the class, IMO.

Happyasapiginshite Mon 08-Oct-12 12:15:01

See, I don't think it matters whether another child would be able to let it roll off them or not, the fact remains the teacher should nat make a comment like that.

Tiredmumno1 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:15:32

shock that is bloody disgraceful.

I am not to sure what to suggest, could he maybe change classes so he doesn't have to have her again?

Even then I am not so sure that's good enough, she should be apologising in front of the class.

I am sorry I am not being much help, it's just an utterly disgusting way for a teacher to behave. Especially as she is already been warned before.

PuppyMonkey Mon 08-Oct-12 12:15:36

Sounds totally out of order to me, what an odd thing for her to say in front of a class of kids. hmm

AllThoseDirtyWords Mon 08-Oct-12 12:16:00

Since she said it in front of the class I think she should apologise in front of them as well. Maybe a public apology would help to lessen the teasing?

Happyasapiginshite Mon 08-Oct-12 12:16:02

And I don't know about the public apology bit, would that not just make your ds even more embarassed, more focus on what happened? I'd want her head on a plate.

TubbyDuffs Mon 08-Oct-12 12:16:12

Its a difficult one. I would certainly ask that she apologise to your son in front of the class and explain that it was a crude joke and she in no way believed your son to be fiddling with himself for starters.

She definitely needs pulling up on her behaviour. Who knows what effect public humiliation can have on a child. Luckily your son got on the late bus and got home, but fear of being teased could have kept him walking to his dad's workplace and he could've ended up lost and very distraught.

As a teacher, I would expect her to think about what she says and the effect it has on the children.

I suppose it depends how many incidents she has on her file as to what action the school will take.

SeveredEdMcDunnough Mon 08-Oct-12 12:16:52

I'm so sorry your son went through this. It's appalling.

Fwiw, and I could be wrong, the HT's response makes me think that the school is really worried about this teacher's behaviour and would like you to add to their ammunition for getting rid of her.

They sound desperate for another reason to let her go.

I'd not worry about your son's not wanting her to get fired - I'd make a formal complaint or whatever it is the HT suggests - you're protecting another child, or children, from suffering the same in future.

YANBU That's disgusting. I think the fact she told him 'let's not make an issue of it' means she knows full well what she did was absolutely inappropriate.

IMHO if this isn't the first time she's been pulled up for something like this, I'd want more than an 'I'm sorry'.

GooseyLoosey Mon 08-Oct-12 12:17:06

Ds would take something like this really badly and would not see any funny side to it at all.

I think I would want to explain to the DHT the impact that this had had on my son and that I was worried that the teacher did not seem to understand that.

Whilst I would not want her to be sacked necessarily, I would want to understand what the school were going to do to ensure that this did not happen again and how they were going to mitigate the impact for ds.

Treblesallround Mon 08-Oct-12 12:18:57

I don't think it's fair of the DHT to involve you in the disciplinary process: the school need to investigate and then decide on the appropriate course of action. You shouldn't be made to feel responsible for this aspect. I imagine that you want DS's feelings recognised, and to ensure that any teasing in future is firmly stamped on, and that it never happens again. It is for the school need to work out how to achieve that

leicester44 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:19:20

As a teacher, I'm appalled and I hope they throw the book at her. An apology is nowhere near enough.

Whitecherry Mon 08-Oct-12 12:19:59

How is your ds now?

Has he gone in today.

ShotgunNotDoingThePans Mon 08-Oct-12 12:20:02

I agree with PomBear - although my first reaction was string her up - she's likely to do it again or worse to another child and really someone with so little sense of respect and appropriateness shouldn't be put in front of a class of vulnerable impressionable children.
The arrogance of the 'let's not make an issue of it' is what riles me the most. She's clearly clueless about children/people and I'd hate to think of one of mine being exposed to someone like that. You'd be doing us all a favour if you pushed for her sacking - but you know best how to balance your boy's feelings with taking action on this.

Coops79 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:21:00

Your poor son. Clearly this teacher needs to be dealt with and it sounds like the school is taking action anyway. I would focus the meeting on how to help your son through the fall-out of this crass remark. Whether they discipline her or not isn't really your concern. You need to find out how they will ensure that nothing like this happens again and how they will defend your son from the inevitable teasing. I hope you get some resolution and your poor DS is ok.

vj32 Mon 08-Oct-12 12:21:42

I think you should ask for a formal apology in front of the class, and that a formal complaint is made. It is completely inappropriate to make a sexual comment like that to a child of that age.

On the other hand, I would thank the TA for reporting the incident.

missymoomoomee Mon 08-Oct-12 12:22:18

Shocking behaviour.

To ask him to not make an issue of her inappropriate behaviour is also disgusting.

In all honesty I would ignore your sons feelings on whether he wants further action, he won't be aware, unless you or the school tell him, that any action taken will be because of this incident as she is already under warning.

I would want her sacked if I were you, but you could maybe suggest that she has some further training and ask for this to be put in her records. An apology is not enough, but I don't know what would be tbh.

I wouldn't ask her to apologise in front of the class as this will draw more attention to your son, but she could certainly apologise and fucking mean it this time instead of apologising to cover it up.

Is your son ok now.

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