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AIBU?

To have just got them out in front of BIL anyway?

194 replies

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/08/2011 07:13

DH, DS and I have just returned from a lovely holiday staying with DH's brother, SIL and their DC's.

Everyone knows I still bf DS at 2.6 so now I mostly only do it at home.

One evening we were in a restaurant after a lovely day out and DS was really cranky and tired pulling my top. I said no but I felt cruel because we had made him tired with all the days out.

I said to BIL that if he gets his milk now he will magically settle down and behave beautifully. He gave me a look as if to say "don't you dare" -so I didn't. And DS would not settle down.

Eventually my DH got sick of DS and grabbed him and marched him outside in the rain and gave him a good shouting to and kept him out for 10 minutes. When he returned (wet) DS was very subdued, he had been sobbing and scared. He was quiet but sad for the rest of the evening.

DH and I were discussing this yesterday and he said he was surprised at me that I had allowed his DB's problem to become my problem but I just didn't want it to ruin the holiday as we were staying at his house.

I am annoyed with myself for allowing him to make me feel so uncomfortable with my parenting. I feel the right thing to do would have been to give DS his milk there in the restaurant. AIBU?

OP posts:

Report

ObviouslyOblivious · 15/08/2011 07:20

Wow, I never comment on posts like this - but your H shouted at your DS and kept him outside in the rain because he was tired and upset? And yes you should have fed him IMO.

addictedtofrazzles · 15/08/2011 07:20

Why could you not go somewhere discreet?

mousesma · 15/08/2011 07:22

I wouldn't be annoyed with yourself if anything I would be annoyed with my DH for losing control and being unnecessarily aggressive to your DS.
You did what you thought was best at the time and you know for next time to do things differently.

leapster · 15/08/2011 07:22

id have just fed him, and id never have allowed my childs dad to shout that badly at my child for 10 minutes in the rain how because they were tired and upset and wanting their comfort (you say yourself it would have calmed him) how cruel!

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/08/2011 07:23

In the restaurant among family is somewhere discreet.

OP posts:

raspberryroop · 15/08/2011 07:23

Bollocks to your DH and your BIl - and to you, if you have fed for 2.6 years you should not be bowing to a 'look' from your BIL unless you have a reliable alternative comfort method or are weaning. Sorry but you need to grow some. Shame on all of you.

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/08/2011 07:27

Thanks raspberryroop. That is exactly what I am thinking.

OP posts:

TastyMuffins · 15/08/2011 07:27

It was probably right to breastfeed but I know how difficult it can be around someone who makes you feel uncomfortable. The 2010 equality and discrimination law makes it illegal to object to a women breastfeeding anywhere but obviously it can make things difficult if there is a family difference.

ZacharyQuack · 15/08/2011 07:30

So your choice were:

a) feed your child, BIL is uncomfortable

or

b) yell at your child in the rain for 10 minutes.

Hmmm that's a tricky one....

pozzled · 15/08/2011 07:35

Yes, I think you should have bf him and/or just taken him home (back to BILs I mean) if he was that cranky and tired. I really feel for your DS, he's far too young to be shouted at for bad behaviour when he was tired and just wanted some comfort.

When you discussed it with your DH, I hope he was sorry for his part.

Zimm · 15/08/2011 07:38

I can understand feeling awkward about BF-ing a 2.6 year old - my DD is 12 months but the size of a 19/20 month old and sometimes I do feel self-conscious because of her size - although I will feed anywhere if she needs it. Yes we shouldn't feel awkward that is our society. But to allow your DH to shout at DS in the rain for 10 minutes? Horrible, bullying behaviour - does this happen often? Is the real reason for your post?

Verahaspurpletwuntypants · 15/08/2011 07:43

Ditto what raspberryroop said. After 2.6years you should be able to tell BiL where to go.
Or did you want allow this to happen in order to stop bf-ing DS?

5littleducks · 15/08/2011 07:47

YANBU. You should have fed him there - it is none of your BIL's business. I don't really understand why you didnt feed him there.

I also think it is pretty disturbing that your DH treated your DS in that appalling way, and that you seem to be ok with that.

If your DH thinks you should not have let it be a problem why did he not say something at the time rather than taking it out on your DS?

Whatmeworry · 15/08/2011 07:48

I guess I'm the only one who thinks 2.6 years old is pushing it on the b/f front - but i do think you could have just gone somewhere quiet for 10 mins than do nothing and force DHs hand?

5littleducks · 15/08/2011 07:50

whatme - why should she go to the toilets? I assume that is where you would suggest she goes.

Her DH's hand was not "forced" to treat her DS like that - why could he not have cuddled him, distracted him and comforted him? Or better still told his brother to butt out and encourage OP to feed him?

wem · 15/08/2011 07:52

Your DH was BU, why didn't he back you up instead of shouting at DS?

dolldaggabuzzbuzz · 15/08/2011 07:52

I guess I was looking for permission from the company I was in. if DH had said to me give him his milk I would have felt more supported. I am so very annoyed with myself for allowing this to happen.

OP posts:

addictedtofrazzles · 15/08/2011 07:53

Am with you whatmeworry. Which is why I suggested she go somewhere discreet.

seeker · 15/08/2011 07:53

I find your thread title problematic. Can'T get past it, I'm afraid. And I am a long term breast feeder who would have fed in the circumstances you set out, but it would have been very unlikely that anyone would have noticed

Lady1nTheRadiator · 15/08/2011 07:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

5littleducks · 15/08/2011 07:55

i agree seeker

Lady1nTheRadiator · 15/08/2011 07:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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seeker · 15/08/2011 07:55

Oh, and why didn't you stop you dh being a git?

addictedtofrazzles · 15/08/2011 07:55

Not the toilets - I completely agree that that is wrong. Surely there must have been a quiet table in the corner or away from you bil?

belgo · 15/08/2011 07:58

Difficult position, and I do understand. I have recently stopped bfing my 2.9 year old for this very reason - I didn't want to be in the situation of an inconsolable child pulling at my top in public., being judged by family all around.

Yes you should have just bf him; your dh should have backed you up and should not have taken your ds outside. If he was that tired, you were probably better off just leaving the restaurant.

But sometimes we all do the wrong thing and think afterwards how we would have handled the situation better.

Oh and never go on holiday with extended family!

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