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I’ve been sent a message meant for someone else, slagging off my appearance

(1000 Posts)
CheckYourWhatsAppBeforeYouSend Fri 05-Mar-21 16:22:42

NC'd for this as it's very outing. But if anyone recognises the situation then meh.

I changed my FB profile picture today for the first time in about 3 years. It was a normal selfie of just me (I don't like having my kids in my profile pictures). I only did it because I'd coloured and styled my hair and tried my new make up, as something to do more than anything! and thought it looked quite nice (as opposed to rocking my usual Worzel Gummidge look) so thought it's time for an update on social media. I didn't use any filters or photoshopping (don't know how anyway). I got a few compliments on my comments which was nice!

Anyway, I'm part of a WhatsApp group for mums in my 8yo DD's class. There's a few mums who are best friends. One of these mums - obviously meant for maybe their own little WhatsApp group, or one of the other mothers - sent a screenshot of my profile picture with the caption "Funny how she doesn't look like this on the school run. The things that Face tune can do for a person 😹😹'.

It was deleted almost straight away but I saw it and got a screenshot of what she sent.

I'm pretty upset and pissed off - which is unlike me but aside from the fact that I DIDN'T use photo editing, this seems to me like they maybe slag me off on a regular basis? I'm not friends with any of the other mums, I say hello etc and make small talk at parties but didn't ever think I'd done anything to warrant being made fun of.

Anyway to not drip feed - the one who sent it is a teacher in the DC's school. I don't know who exactly she was meant to send it to but assuming she just got the wrong mum's group?

Anyway I'm posting to ask for help. Should I
1. Ignore it, pretend I never saw it - I will be totally honest I have in the past sent screen shots to a friend of ridiculous things people we dislike have said. Never other school mums though, I'm far too indifferent to them.
2. Come back with a witty and cutting reply.
3. Confront the mum (and teacher) who said it - to clarify she's taught both my DD and DS in the past, and is a good teacher.
4. Something else
5. Get over it, these things happen it's just it happened to me this time.

Feeling pretty shit sad

OP’s posts: |
Mn753 Fri 05-Mar-21 16:25:08

Ignore it. I know it's not pleasant but people gossip to bond with others, not because they really want to make someone feel bad. It's about them, not you. They will be feeling (correctly) mortified. Take the moral high ground.

onyourway Fri 05-Mar-21 16:26:15

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high thanks

AlexaShutUp Fri 05-Mar-21 16:27:18

Go back with a witty reply if you can think of one. Make her squirm.

AlexaShutUp Fri 05-Mar-21 16:28:22

Yeah, actually I like @onyourway's approach.

Toilenstripes Fri 05-Mar-21 16:28:45

I would reply, “Did you mean to send this to me?” and then not engage any further. She’s a dick.

MedusasBadHairDay Fri 05-Mar-21 16:28:49

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

JemimaTiggywinkle Fri 05-Mar-21 16:29:02

onyourway

Send back 'I'm not sure this was meant for me' and then move on, don't respond further, ignore any pleading messages and when you next see them, slap a big smile on your face.

When they go low, raise yourself high thanks

Agree. This is the best way to make them feel super guilty and still maintain the moral high ground.

DenisetheMenace Fri 05-Mar-21 16:29:55

Bet you don’t look like Worzel Gummidge 😁 (speaking as someone who usually does!)

In a weird way, it was a back-handed compliment, they thought you looked so nice that you must have mucked about with it.

I wouldn’t do anything (except make a mental note that that person was a gossip).

Gerla Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:02

I'd ask whether the school has an anti- bullying week planned

I like it!

Dentistlakes Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:05

Yikes, that’s not good! Personally, I would ignore it and let her wonder if you had or hadn’t seen it forever more. I’d get more of a kick out of doing that than raising it with her.

OppsUpsSide Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:07

Did she send it to you directly or on the class WhatsApp group?

StellaStarfleet Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:10

I would be tempted to pop a comment into the group chat like, "You may have deleted that quickly but I still saw it," and leave it at that. I would just want her to know that I knew.

Clymene Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:47

Don't say anything. Just practice a death stare. I can wilt people at 50yards with mine. And give it to her every time you see her. Just briefly and so that no one else notices it.

Everyone else in your class will be waiting to see what you do because everyone is incredibly bored at the moment so don't do anything. Otherwise you will just be fanning the flames of gossip.

sarahang Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:49

I'm with @onyourway too.

If you ignore it, they might think they got away with it.

Make it clear you saw it, make them squirm but take the high ground.

dollym1x Fri 05-Mar-21 16:30:56

Sent back a screenshot of her message, saying you sent this to me.
I wouldn't deny seeing it, she'll know you've seen it. I'm surprised she could delete it on WhatsApp after it had been viewed.
How rude of her.

Psychonabike Fri 05-Mar-21 16:31:07

That's really horrible. The school gates do seem to bring out the worst in some. I keep my distance but can definitely observe a small group who seem to have regressed to reliving their youth when they were the in crowd, tasked with judging the rest!

I think you can take a couple of approaches.

1) Ignore, ignore, ignore
2) A private message to the perpetrator to say that you appreciate the rapid deletion but that you were disappointed by the post. Leaves it up to her to reflect on that and apologise.
3) You could talk to the HT. I have been involved in appointing teachers (with the parent council). In the interviews there has often been discussion of how the candidate sees their role in contributing to the community, recognition that parents who are excluded usually leads to children being excluded. In a very relaxed and rational way I might let them head aware that this teacher might need reminding of this role, as essentially the "bullying" of a parent is likely to be reflected in the relationships between children in the school.

It depends on how assertive you are feeling, I think. Or if you want to just forget about it as quickly as possible.

Dyrne Fri 05-Mar-21 16:31:10

Don’t say anything. She’ll be absolutely shitting herself which is delicious punishment enough, and you can get brownie points for taking the high road.

Plus, as you say, If you do the same to others then you don’t really have a leg to stand on here.

StellaStarfleet Fri 05-Mar-21 16:31:12

Oh! I do like that anti bullying week comment. Say that too!

MacbookHoHoHo Fri 05-Mar-21 16:31:22

Wow! That’s awful. Don’t forget it’s saying you look really good in the photo though, so at least be pleased that your hair and face are looking banging.

You’ve got her over a barrel now. Schools are soooo strict about bullying - especially social-media and online bullying - that she’d be in DEEP shit if this got out.

What my feisty version would do is repost the screenshot with the comment, “Doesn’t the school have quite strict guidelines on bullying? It’d be awful if a teacher was found to be doing it, wouldn’t it.” And then ignore all her panicky messages and let her shit herself.

runwithme Fri 05-Mar-21 16:32:28

Firstly, in your face, mean mum. OP DIDN'T use a filter so, neh.
Secondly, and a more mature response from me would be saying something along the lines of "we really should be more aware of what we post on social media" and then, "I didn't use a filter, so neh". And I might even repost the screenshot. I'm not very mature though.

JemimaTiggywinkle Fri 05-Mar-21 16:32:43

Definitely don’t let them think they’ve got away with it... and come back and tell us the squirmy messages they reply with grin

Also agree with pp saying it is a compliment too! They obviously have nothing more exciting to talk about.

OldRailer Fri 05-Mar-21 16:34:20

Ouch.
It does tell you about how she bonds with others.
On the upside you must have looked good in the picture or there wouldn't have been that comment!

MacbookHoHoHo Fri 05-Mar-21 16:34:22

Whatever you do, don’t use the line that’s always wheeled out on MN, “Did you mean to be so rude?” Because it’s crap.

Wearywithteens Fri 05-Mar-21 16:34:28

“In a weird way, it was a back-handed compliment, they thought you looked so nice that you must have mucked about with it.”

Agree with this. It is a compliment that you obviously looked so good they had to comment. No one would even bother with mine however dolled up I was. Still bad form though and I can understand why you’re pissed off. I would definitely let her know you’ve seen it and keep your moral high ground in your back pocket for when you need some leverage with the school.

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