We're you parented into your teen years, in the 90s?

[Woeisme99]

I was born in 82, so a teenager for most of the 90s. I was talking to a friend today and realised that I wasn't really "parented" beyond about 12 years old.

This absolutely isn't a sob story, and seemed quite normal at the time, but looking back there was:
No input into my GCSE options
No help / guidance in getting a Saturday job and being taught how to behave at work
No interest really in what I spent pocket money on
No real interest in what I'd been doing providing I was home in time
No supervision of homework etc
No deep conversations about relationships / friendships / anything really.

I felt loved, but like I was a mini adult and was supposed to just get on with things. Now I have my own dc I can't imagine setting them on their path in their early teens.

Does anyone of around my age have any comparison, is this just how things were then? Really interested to hear other people's experiences.

[cookingonwine]

I was born in 1797 ...


No input into my GCSE options - same
No help / guidance in getting a Saturday job - same
and being taught how to behave at work - same
No interest really in what I spent pocket money on - same
No real interest in what I'd been doing providing I was home in time - same
No supervision of homework etc - same
No deep conversations about relationships / friendships / anything really. - same

Often I think my parents were and still are crap ... I don't think they did and do any form of support.

[user133367]

My experience is exactly the same, no one even made me a meal after the age of 12, I had access to freezer food and ready meals. I don't think it was normal as other friends would moan about pressure about course work from parents or having to be home for dinner, even late into their teens. My mum had severe depression which I don't blame her for, and just checked out really. I'm really interested to see others replies and if it was in part a generational thing and not all neglect.

[discusstin]

Same but a 1972 child. Nothing like the involvement we have now.

[Sleepthiefismyfavourite]

Born in 1979 and yep, same as you.

I can’t imagine giving my daughters the kind of freedom I had, I’m surprised I’m still alive the amount of risks and situations I got myself into in my teens!

I was definitely loved, but my parents were really far too liberal/neglectful in my opinion

[Freezingold]

1797?!

My parents did very little either. Myself and my siblings all went off the rails...

[megletthesecond]

Same.
I wish my parents had given me more direction.

While my dc's aren't quite micro managed and Tiger mothered I'm certainly trying to give them a bit of focus and support them through secondary.

[OneOfTheGrundys]

1797! 😱😆
Very little input here too. Teen in the 90s. Did fuck all with my mum (single parent family) But tbh, ‘leisure’ wasn’t as much of a thing. Adults (and us) would spend weekends cleaning, gardening, laundry, and a bit of telly. (Chart Show on a Saturday?!) it took time! When the adults were busy... tough. If you were bored... tough!
My mum calls it benign neglect.

[SecondTimeCharm]

Born in 87 and very much parented right up until I left home aged 18 (couldn’t get out quickly enough!). Only child mind

[Gerbi1]

Same here too. I was totally unparented past 12 and I went off the rails too. I think I just wanted to be noticed. I won’t do that to my kids

[Xiaoxiong]

I was born within a year of you and my parents did all those things. I am forrin though. I'm actually actively trying do less parenting than my parents did as it wasn't entirely healthy.

[Bunnybigears]

I was born in 83, as soon as I started secondary school I was pretty much left to my own devices.

[Anactoria]

Not much involvement here either. I was born in 1980. Although to be fair with the homework side, my parents would have left school at 16 in the 1950s and probably would not have had the foggiest about the work that I would have been doing at secondary.

[MsMiaWallace]

Born 1986.
My parents split up when I was around 12.
I don't remember my mum giving a toss where I was.
Very rare got a cooked tea.
I had to buy my first tampons myself.
When I went on the pill when I was 16 she called me a slag. I wasn't sleeping around I went on them to help my periods & bad skin ( at the time this was recommended).

[OneOfTheGrundys]

Yes. My dad died when I was 13 and there was no counselling, nothing, I went back to school next day. Sadly my own kids are now going through something similar as DH has a very life limiting disease and I’m so aware of their role in the situation and putting them and their needs at the heart of it. They’re having counselling each week at school too and I’m determined they are not going to suffer alone like I did.

[Woeisme99]

I absolutely went off the rails, in fact there were no rails to go gently off and get pulled back, so I was absolutely wild, I'm sometimes amazed I'm alive today with some of the stupid and dangerous shit I did.

Also feel quite sad that I didn't reach my potential, got a degree in nursing in my late 20s, but fuck I was probably clever enough to have been a doctor, but chose cookery and childcare for my GCSEs instead

[user133367]

Forgot to say I was born in 86.

[MyuMe]

input into my GCSE options - same no interest

No help / guidance in getting a Saturday job - same. I had to pay my bus fares to college with the money I earned though she claimed benefits for me.

and being taught how to behave at work - same

No interest really in what I spent pocket money on - no pocket money

No real interest in what I'd been doing providing I was home in time - Watched like a hawk was asked why I was a half hour late and got my sister to spy on me.

No supervision of homework etc - same

No deep conversations about relationships / friendships / anything really. - same unless it was to tell me friends were bad and to stay just with family

No interest in me as a person.

No interest in my uni life

[DramaAlpaca]

I was a teenager in the late 70s and I had much more input and support from my parents than many of you who are much younger had, according to this thread. They were a bit too involved really, verging on the controlling at times, certainly not liberal. I was quite firmly parented until l left home at 18 for university.

[Walnutwhipster]

I'm 1972 same story exactly. Son born 1997 and I was a hands on parents doing the exact opposite. He is far closer and more open with me than I ever was with my parents and I like to think (so far) he is much more sensible. He still comes to me for guidance. He bought his first home last year aged 23.

[heymammy]

Born in 1975 and yes, exactly the same story here. Not through any sort of neglect but we just weren't cosseted. I still had my dinner made and didn't have to do many chores but there was no real involvement in my life. Like you say, no chats about choosing options at school or what I might do as a career, no help with homework although I never asked either, no getting lifts everywhere, I had to cycle. I came and went as I pleased as long as I was home by 10pm. School holidays were spent in my room or out with friends.

I do feel this was typical of the time, I was loved and we had a laugh together as a family but my 'private' life was my own.

[Strategicchoring]

Yep definitely benign neglect although they put a lot of effort in to Christmas and Easter. I don't blame them because they were older parents and it was the way they were parented (my father was born in 1916). I would have appreciated more interest in my education though.

[newyearnewear]

I wasn't parented into my teens either (or pre-teens come to that!).

Does anyone else find it difficult to parent their teens now?

[needanewnamechange]

In some ways similar my meals were cooked for me but I was expected to go out . Like these days parents take the dc everywhere for days out . As a kid expected to make own fun and as a teenager I was encouraged to go out was quite liberal really compared to some of my friends. I've always been a shy child so was happy at home with a book . Also I was expected to look after my younger siblings a lot . I wouldn't dream of asking my primary school child to walk the 20 minute to collect her baby brother from a childminder and if I was late I got into trouble. In hindsight though I had to grow up quickly and moved out at 18 .
I had a good childhood but I do feel I missed out on a lot having to be responsible for my siblings. Do you know my youngest dB thought I was his other mum as I looked after him so much .

[foamrolling]

Yes and no. I was naturally studious so I didn't need to be nagged. My dad helped me with homework when required and they took an interest. I wasn't guided towards any particular options, I was trusted to decide that myself. I found a part time job myself with no involvement from my parents, I'm not sure what involvement I would have needed though? My dad was always happy to give us lifts when needed. No input into what I spent pocket money on but I'm not sure why they would? I bought clothes and singles...

I had no desire to talk about friendships and relationships with them,that's what my friends and more magazine was for!

I still very much felt loved and parented though. They were and are always there for me when needed. I didn't need micromanaging and I don't think it would have been good for me if they'd tried it.