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Getting over the fact that contemporaries who didn't take time out with kids are so much further on in careers?

79 replies

Bleenherbe · 26/02/2010 11:03

Just that really. Having attack of the "I coulda been a contender" glooms. Keep telling self:
wanted to spend time with children;
glittering prizes not that glittering;
World full of people with real problems.
Grateful for any ideas of how to give self a shake or just anecdotes from people struggling with similar thoughts!

OP posts:
gramercy · 26/02/2010 14:25

I fervently wish I had been in a job which you can dip in and out of, so to speak, or indeed had chosen a field which can be located anywhere. Medicine seems ideal.

But - when I was just starting out I detested all thoughts of marriage and children. I was certainly not going to be that boring woman with kids, Labrador and Volvo -oh, no, not me. If someone had suggested then that I chose a career because it was child friendly I would have been horrified.

Also - who knows what life may bring? There's a woman down the road who told me she made this very plan. She chose to be a teacher, married high-earning man and bought the five-bedroomed house. They couldn't have children. The best laid plans and all that...

hattyyellow · 01/03/2010 17:24

This thread is fascinating and very reassuring.

Hatwoman, I have a similar feeling with being out of London. I can still carry on freelancing out of London, but it's not the same as really all meetings and information gathering need to be done in London. So I end up doing the scraps of work that could be done anywhere with internet and a laptop, but they're not really the interesting scraps.

I dream of going to evening events and receptions at Downing Street and expensive art galleries like I used to with my work. I do miss the freedom and excitement of dressing up and having an identity that can be quantified and appreciated -not just "mummywhotellssmallchildrentobrushyourteethyesnowplease!".

I am relatively lucky in that DH looks after DD3 and does the school run once a week which means that I have a day to go to meetings etc. Maybe I need to start doing that more.

I think you work from home? That's also particulary isolating, even if you're working on interesting material you're still looking at the dishwasher etc - you're still surrounded by the trappings of domesticity.

Much as I love my children I do miss the old me. I guess that's a fairly common phenomemen with women having children later having established their careers.

I do have strange thoughts of having another child because it gets me out of the whole "where is my career going now DD3 can be left with childminder and I have the opportunity to face up to my career but don't know how to". I read a rather depressing book at my mum's called "The Cinderella Complex" that said how many women had another child because it was easier than facing up to career questions!

hattyyellow · 01/03/2010 17:27

Oops, answering a thread linked to another thread. But I do sympathise and my thoughts do apply to this thread too - I am missing my former working life!

emy72 · 06/03/2010 09:52

I can really empathise with this thread. I was on FB last night and looked up some of my school friends. I was thrilled to see so many of them - male and female - had made such a success of their lives: director of this, director of that etc...but I did notice that none of them had children! I have 4 - and I have spent most of my 30s breeding, despite still holding down a full time job (very stop and start considering all the maternity leave...).
My career has been on hold really for the last 7 years or so.
Now I am about to go back to work I am panicking too - there is no "right" answer, and nothing feels right: I hate the idea of hanging up my spurs and spending the rest of my life trapped by domesticity; I don't like the idea of working part time as I have seen how part time workers in my job get treated; I don't particularly like the thought of all that juggling, company politics make me slightly sick - so wherever I turn there doesn't seem to be an ideal solution and every day I seem to change my mind!!!! So to the OP I know exactly where you are coming from - I keep telling myself that when I have solved this dilemma I will be a much better mum for my kids )))))

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