Husband not very supportive

Gobbledigook · 13/07/2005 20:10

I'm sorry but I'd tell him to shove it up his arse.

Lets get this right, you've given up your job to look after your children all day and he is begruding you just a little something that you enjoy and keeps you sane and gives you some feeling of self worth?

I'd do what I wanted to do and he should you support you in that imo.

WideWebWitch · 13/07/2005 20:13

Tbh he won't be supporting you to do nothing all day will he, because presumably you will shop and cook and clean and iron and pick up your son from school and sort out dental appointments and run errands and all the millions of things a sahm does? And then be available at 3.30, which, if you want that, dramatically cuts down the jobs you could possibly do. Which means as a family you have taken the decision that he gets paid in cash and in return you are a parent/housekeeper/cook/cleaner etc. Can you do the ww for just one/two evenings? wouldn't that be a compromise? Why does it put him out? Because he wants to see you and spend time with you (understandable) or because of something else? Hmm, he is being controlling IMO, I don't think you're asking much to have a job you enjoy that fits in with your family plan to be a sahm. Not at all. And why's it up to him about your working once ds is at school? Is it he who earns the cash has the power? Because if so, I don't think that's fair - your contribution is as valid and important. Sorry if this isn't what you wanted to hear!

SenoraPostrophe · 13/07/2005 20:16

I don't think his points are very valid. don't do enough housework to be a housewife?? ...because obviously you just sit around on your arse all day don't you?

Anyway with anything like this the preparation takes much more time early on. in a few months you'll have got the hang of it, and it won't take so long. he should wait.

Tortington · 13/07/2005 20:28

its much more than a job isn't it. its about self worth, self esteem, pride, fun, a tinsy bit of power, leadership, a job well done, helpfulness, happyness, supporting other people, changing peoples lives - yes you are - giving other people self esteem, pride, fun, happyness.

its not about the money - its about your independance and damned good hard work.

i think that if your husband can be as reasonable as any person should be then if you explain this to him - he should be happy for you and willing to put up with the inconvenience twice a week.
as your partner in life he should try to accomodate your happyness and self growth - if he doesn't he is indeed a tw*t

SoftFroggie · 13/07/2005 21:03

Two evenings a week out of the house can seem quite a lot to someone who is used to you being there: he's missing you(?)

It's not quite clear from your post, but are you spending some of the other evenings at home on the WW paperwork and prep? If so, can you manage to do that when DS is at pre-school?

I think that your desire to work and enjoyment of this job are really important. All couples I've met who work at different times to each other say they need to try to manage the workload so that it doesn't impact too much on their time together (apart from those who have shakey relationships and don't actually want to see each other).

What would I do if I were you? Try to ensure that I do all paperwork / prep during the day, push DH to let me do a full 6 mo 'trial' and review after that. Also try to help DH understand why you want to do this job (personal satisfaction, that it's not really about the money) and that there are very limited alternatives that fit in with school-hours / terms.

Crazymama · 13/07/2005 21:59

Good advice from Softfroggy. I would get all the prep done during the day, commit to your two evenings only, make sure your husband understands how much the job means to you and push for a six month period for him to get used to it.

I dont really think its DH's decision as to whether you get a job when DS goes to school. I couldnt imagine my DH making that decision for me. I think 99% of this is your decision.

Its great that you have found a job you are good at and enjoy.

Original poster

Dior · 13/07/2005 22:56

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moondog · 13/07/2005 23:00

Well,see his point about the cash....Does seem a bit rich (and how much are bloody Heinz making out of all the WW 'food' they peddle?)

Maybe they do trade a little on the undoubted buzz people get out of losing weight and helping others???

micha26 · 13/07/2005 23:17

I personally think that being a houswife is a damn stressful job and at times not very rewarding.

I also think that if you found something that you like to do, its really a good thing and you deserve support in that. Not everything is about money and maybe its just a start for you and something bigger is already waiting for you.

Original poster

Dior · 13/07/2005 23:21

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marthamoo · 13/07/2005 23:25

Don't give it up, Dior! I agree with all the posts (www and custy in particular) - it's not 'just' about the money, it's about you doing something for you. Two evenings a week is not a lot to ask - he gets you for the other five, for goodness' sake. I think it's good for partners to spend some time away from each other - and, as SP says, once you get more into the swing of things your preparation won't take so long. From your WW related posts on MN I know you must be an inspirational leader - and it's clear what a kick you're getting out of it - you'll feel angry and resentful if you give it up, and that won't do your relationship any good at all.

Oh and if my dh said he'd rather I "did nothing" I'm afraid he'd be dining on Zero Point soup for a month

Original poster

Dior · 13/07/2005 23:28

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micha26 · 13/07/2005 23:31

Dior - I think that is very honorable and I share the same opinion. If you accept a job, you should always give your best, no matter if the pay is lousy or good.

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Dior · 13/07/2005 23:32

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micha26 · 13/07/2005 23:34

Deffo. If you don't see a perspective in a job, don't waste your time, but sometimes it is worth investing before reaping

Skribble · 13/07/2005 23:39

If you enjoy the job then sometimes that is what you need.
If the money side starts to bother YOU perhaps you could do something similar like party plan, which might give you a bit more money but the same kind of job satisfaction.

Job satisfaction isn't always easy to find so just keep !!!

Original poster

Dior · 13/07/2005 23:42

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LunarSea · 14/07/2005 10:28

Dior - if they are paying you less for mileage thatn the standard IR rate (which is about 40p?) then you can claim the extra back off your tax as it's effectively a deduction from salary. I'll try to find the official explanation of this later if I get time.

LunarSea · 14/07/2005 10:36

Current rate is 40p/mile for first 10k miles, and 25p/mile after that. Any less than that and you can claim tax relief on the difference (ask for form P87 available from your local tax office). See here for more.

jamboure · 14/07/2005 11:28

You stick in at it Dior.

Dh will have to get used to the fact that you are an independant woman who also likes to help others fight the fat!!!!!!![grin[.

p.s where are you and i could join

Original poster

Dior · 15/07/2005 19:27

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bossykate · 15/07/2005 19:47

hi dior

i remember your various posts about your dh in your previous incarnations. i see not much has changed.

congratulations on this new job - well done for the positive feedback. good luck with your aspirations

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Dior · 16/07/2005 09:49

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gemmamay · 20/07/2005 21:20

My husband was a bit grumpy when I went back to work. I don't think men can accept change but I think that is a whole other thread!

Just stick with it and have show DH that all can be well and you are not going to run off to become some hotshot and leave him all alone!