IVF and work....

[DuelingFanjo]

I think I need someone to talk some sense to me...

Is there anyone here who has continued to work while undergoing IVF and Who hasn't told their boss? Or am I just being silly to think this is possible?

I am expecting to start IVF in April or May and was hoping that because the hospital is nearby I can nip in for my scans during the first part with very little disruption and then just book time off for the egg collection and insemination.

I'm not a high flying career woman or anything, I just don't want to tell my boss. She knows I had a miscarriage earlier int he year and was sympathetic but I don't feel happy talking to my employer about my plans to get pregnant to be honest.

Is this a ridiculous thing to think I can do - should I just tell her and live with the fact that my employer is going to have advance warning of a possible pregnancy?

this kind of thing is why I ask.

To be honest, if you have an ok relationship with your boss, I think you'd be mad to keep it a secret.

Your hormones will be all over the place, you may be very emotional, your mind won't be on work and you may need time off at very short notice. If any or all of those things happen, you want your employer to be sympathetic, not thinking badly of you.

I know people who've told work and always found them very supportive.

Also, if they did do something to you because they knew you were TTC, they've be pretty screwed for sex discrimination. You're more protected if they know!

I did 2 rounds of IVF and had a miscarriage while working without telling anyone. I didnt know if it would work out and didnt want to put my career at risk if it didnt. Managed to get all my appointments first thing in the morning, so I was only a bit late coming in. I tried to keep my diary clear around the likely egg collection time but when the date came I just called in sick.

There were a few raised eyebrows, but no one aasked me directly so I just brazened it out. V. Stressful of course. I didnt find the hormones that much of an issue though (except for after the MC - got a lot of concerned looks then, but no one bold enough to say anything).

The thing is Cerviniasun, much as I sympathise, if you call in sick when you're not then technically that's a disciplinary offence. You could be disciplined and potentially even fired...

Really? I always thought that sick leave included medical procedures and the necessary recovery time afterwards. When I had a major op and needed a few weeks off I did notify my employer and both the day of the op and the recovery time were covered by sick leave. Not sure how this would be different for the egg collection (except without the advance notice)

Thanks guys. I guess the issue is that I don't want them knowing that I am trying because someone trying for children 'normally' wouldn't have to tell their work until some time after they had their 12 week scan and so the whole thing is more private. If I tell her she'll be in the know from the off. All she knows about my miscarriage is that I lost a baby, not that I was actively trying to have one - if that makes sense.

A bit of me worries that it might make me more vunerable if there were any redundancies or changes in my dept. Though what you say, RibenaBerry, is true too. At least if I tell them it is on record and I suppose that gives me some kind of protection.

We have quite bad cover issues in my work and I don't yet know when the IVF will start. Maybe I will wait to see and then tell them if it looks like it's going to be a problem?

Has anyone ever lied and said they were having some other medical procedure?

I had one (failed) round of IVF and then a (successful, gorgeous son now 1.5) frozen embryo transfer, both without telling work. I just booked a couple of days holiday for egg collection and day after (as luck would have it on a thursday so then had the weekend) and other than that just went in late a few times. To be honest I found it less stressful than thinking the whole world and his wife at my very gossipy work knew what was going on. Also I think the pretnding nothing was going on, everything was normal thing actually helped me stay calm about the whole thing and stopped it totally taking over.
The only terrible bit was when I got my period after the IVF attempt. Was 2 days before testing day and hadn't even occurred to me that I might get a period before then if it hadn't worked. Went to the toilet at lunchtime and there it was. Had to feign sudden onset sickness bug and race home to bawl my eyes out.
I wish you all the very best of luck whatever you decide.

Thank you RunningGirl. It's good to hear from people who were able to work through the side effects and procedures.

I am worried mostly about the emotional side too.My plan would be to do the scans in the mornings and then book a few days off for the egg collection and transfer.

Cervinasun -

Well there's a couple of issues. The first is that I'm sure you were asked to give a reason for your absence when you called in sick or on a self certification afterwards. If the reason you gave was not the correct reason, then that is lying to your employer.

Secondly, there's no absolute right to time off for 'voluntary' medical procedures such as IVF (I recognise that it might not seem voluntary to you, but I can't think of a better word for it.) You have the right to time off if you become ill as a result of the procedure, but not for the procedure itself. In that sense it is rather different to your major op.

Duelling - Please do not lie to your employer. Lying is a disciplinary offence and, although I suspect they wouldn't sack you, you could end up with a very nasty warning on your record. I think you either need to be upfront and use the goodwill (someone I know was allowed to make all the appointments without using any leave or sick leave and only took sick leave for a few days after the transfer) or be sure that you'd be able to book leave, etc to cover the time.

I can't be sure at the moment but hopefully nearer the date I will have a better idea of when the egg collection etc will take place. That's my problem really.

If I do have an adverse reaction to the medication/procedure then I would tell them the truth.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything until you are pregnant, unless you are having problems. Then absolutely tell them, but you are in the process of conceiving, and can't see how it's anyone's business other than yours and your DH's.