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Original poster

Looking forward to return to work - am I a freak?

26 replies

Magscat · 02/06/2005 12:49

I'm back at work on Monday (full time). Apart from being the main breadwinner in the family and therefore having little choice, I'm actually looking forward to going back. I love my new baby girl (5 months) and my boy (nearly 4) but I get bored at home & I want the challenge of my job and the company of adults again.

Some of my least maternal freinds though have chosen to go part time after having kids and this has made me feel a bit weird. There must be other Mum's out there who don't want to be at home all day? Are there?

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oliveoil · 02/06/2005 12:51

I LOVE being back at work (am p/time). Been back about a month now, horrid first couple of weeks missing dd2 but now I love love love the break.

I can read in peace on the bus in.
Have a coffee that I can actually finish.
Adult conversation.

Everyone is different, but you are not weird.

Enid · 02/06/2005 12:55

hoooooooooold on.

you haven't tried it yet.

Fab that you are looking forward to it, but why don't you wait and see how it goes. I think a lot of women who go part time start back as full-time..

madrose · 02/06/2005 12:57

I do want to go back, quite enjoy my job, mentally and socially - but am very torn, and am actually getting quite stressed about it all, as at the same time don't want to be away from DD.

I'm only going back for 4 days, and most days will be home at 4. DH will be dropping DD at Nursery bout 10ish, but I still feel crap about the whole thing - but I do feel I need to go - I think I'm scared of being lonely at home, even though I adore my DD.

Sorry - just need to verbalise what I'm feeling, try talking to DH about how I'm feeling - his answer - don't go back then, which isn't a answer.

Libb · 02/06/2005 13:03

My last week on mat leave was very wobbly - I was torn because I wanted to keep an eye on DS but I wanted to go back to work. I have been back since October and work full time, and I don't regret it. Mind you, have just become a single mum so will have to see how my hours pan out and cut back a few.

Please don't ever feel guilty for wanting a bit of the old you back - as said earlier we are all different and we are not handed out Instant Mother certificates with our babies, constant guilt is a sure thing though!

Follow your heart xxx

Original poster
Magscat · 02/06/2005 13:06

Enid - this is my 2nd child and I was ok last time although it was a brand new job so really exciting. Maybe I'm just psyching myself up. No, I really think I feel ok about it.
DP is part time so they are only in nursery 2.5 days so that makes me feel better about it.

Madrose - sounds to me like you've got quite a good arrangement - working 4 days and not long days either. I think that's what I would do ideally. Can understand your anxiety though. It's hard to know what to do for the best isn't it. I'm sure you'll be fine once you've settled into the routine.

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trefusis · 02/06/2005 13:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Magscat · 02/06/2005 18:43

Bump to see if anyone who has been at work today wants to comment

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ssd · 02/06/2005 21:30

Mags, I work as a p/t childminder and really miss getting out of the house and chatting to adults!

So I'd say please don't feel wierd, enjoy it and if you want to go p/t in the future you can decide then, but if f/t is your thing then stick with it!!

I'm almost jealous!!

Original poster
Magscat · 03/06/2005 09:08

Thanks ssd. I've just left baby girl at nursery for a 'trial hour' and it's weird but I'm just so confident she'll be fine.
Strangely though, it was her big brother that went into a massive strop when I dropped them both off - tears, clinging, the works. Don't know if he's worried for his sister or just realising that I'm going back to work so I won't be around at home when he is Mondays & Tuesdays.

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Jillyk · 03/06/2005 09:50

I've been back at work for nearly 3 months now, doing 4 days a week. Totally agree with what OliveOil said.

Aragon · 03/06/2005 10:05

I work too (part-time). I love it and am fortunate enough to have the best of both worlds. I need to work for financial reasons but luckily part-time is enough.
Have to say that I love the opportunity for adult conversation and being able to eat lunch in peace. Do feel a pang on nice sunny days though - I think of all the things DS and I would be doing if we were off.

darlingbud · 03/06/2005 10:17

I was part time (3 days) and loved it but I had to come back to work full time in December as I suddenly became the main breadwinner too. TBH I don't mind it and it does give that bit more adult interaction that I needed. My weekends and evenings are full of quality time with dd (2.5)and she does not miss out on anything.

Oil · 03/06/2005 10:39

Not a freak, maybe just lucky. Before ds was born I was planning to go back to work 3 days a week but asked for 4 instead in the event as like my job and was finding motherhood more of a struggle than I had anticipated. First day going back to work felt happier and happier the nearer I got to the office - hope it's the same for you this time around too Magscat.

OliveOil, I didn't mean to part-nick your name

Lizzylou · 03/06/2005 10:42

I wasn't going planning to go back to work at all after my DS, but when I was offered 2 days a week from home I leapt at it...I hated asking my DH for money (he is sooo much more thrifty) and do enjoy the time and space to myself...

snafu · 03/06/2005 10:55

Can I join in? I'm starting a full-time university course in September, so not 'going back to work' exactly. I am going to miss ds like mad and am getting very stressed about him starting nursery - even though he's only going 3 afternoons a week and is such a sociable little chap that I know deep down he'll have a whale of a time. Plus, because it's not paid work, I get the added guilt of feeling rather selfish for doing the course in the first place (even though it will, hopefully, lead me into a proper career for the first time in my life!)

But, having said all that - I am so looking forward to it. I have had two very stressful years since ds was born (nothing to do with him, I hasten to add) and cannot wait to start feeling more like me again. I have come to the painful conclusion that I am not very good at the SAHM thing and absolutely crave getting out of the house, adult company, conversation and challenge. I hope that this is actually going to improve life for ds and me, not have a detrimental effect...or maybe I'm just being desperately naive?

ssd · 03/06/2005 13:50

snafu, that sounds perfect to me!

What will you be studying? Good luck with it anyway and your ds will love the company of nursery!

Original poster
Magscat · 03/06/2005 14:58

Snafu - just to say I agree that nursery has alot of benefits. If it weren't for going to nursery my ds wouldn't see other kids very often so I think he's gained loads through it.
Also understand where you are coming from re. not being cut out for being SAHM. Me neither - don't have the patience or the energy. I really admire those who do it but I know it's not the right option for me.

I think you're right about Uni improving things for all your family. Don't feel guilty.

Thanks everyone for the support/well wishes.

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snafu · 03/06/2005 15:27

Magscat - same for my ds. He doesn't have siblings or friends nearby so I think/hope nursery will be great in that sense. I am lucky in that I could manage to stay at home with him for the first couple of years, but now I honestly feel he's at the age where he'll get lots out of nursery and I'm raring to go as well

madrose · 04/06/2005 22:39

just wanted to say quickly - that I've found the comments here very reassuring, and I'm looking at nursery and work in a much more positive light. Cheers

Original poster
Magscat · 05/06/2005 11:33

Madrose - glad you're feeling better about nusery/separation from dd. One of the things I find that really helps is when the nursery workers show me the developmental record for ds. They give us his record at the end of each year but I can look at it at any time in between. They also have a chart on the wall that says what topics they are doing so I can see what a variety of stimulating activities he's getting there.
It's great when he comes home and says things like 'we've been planting seeds today' or 'we're going on a trip to a farm next week' or 'we're learning about the body this month. I've got a willy cos I'm a boy'.

Obviously it's not quite that active in the baby room but they do still vary the activities, take them out and keep progress records. For me anyway, nursery has been a positive experience. Hope your's will be too.

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Welly381 · 06/06/2005 15:27

I have an interview tomorrow and really want to get the job. I have been at home with little Jack for 2 years now and I think he is getting bored with me. I need to get out and be ME again also. I think nursery will be great for him, his sister who is 7 did OK as well and I was only at home for 3 months with her before I went back to work. I went back early with her because I needed the money, now it's OK financially but I just need to get my brain active again. Also being at home I just never seem to be structured, sometimes I walk around thinking "what shall I do now" but never actually acomplish anything. Wish me luck for job interview!!

motherinferior · 06/06/2005 15:36

Magscat, I couldn't wait to get back to work after dd1. Slightly different after dd2, but only slightly

I think I am not a Natural Mother

Original poster
Magscat · 06/06/2005 20:09

Hi Welly. All the best for your interview tomorrow. Post back & let us know how it goes. I know what you mean about 'wandering about thinking what shall I do now but never achieving anything'.
Actually, I think being at home with a baby, we achieve loads (nurturing, entertaining, stimulating, teaching, even the odd bit of housework might even get done ocassionally, but it doesn't feel like much does it?

Thanks all for the positive messages. Glad I'm not the only one! The rest of the family seem to have survived my first day back today anyway so perhaps I'll stop feeling guilty now.

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Welly381 · 08/06/2005 10:50

Hi there, had interview and went OK, I need to wait a few days for response. HOWEVER, if I get offered the job I am now not so sure I want it!! If they say no I think I will be disappointed also. I don't know what I want now. I think I do want it, just not confident about being able to cope. What does dd,ds, etc mean? I have only just registered and am new to this. Thanks

Original poster
Magscat · 08/06/2005 19:00

Hi Welly. Glad your interview went well. I'm sure they'd let you have osme time to think about it if they offer you the job. What is it that you are worried about coping with? I reckon most people have jitters about separation and how their baby will be cared for. Wouldn't be normal if we didn't worry at all. I'm sure you'd be fine.

As for the abbreviations, there is a page somewhere on here that explains but basically it's a kind of tongue in cheek dhorthand - DD=Darling Daughter, DS=Darling Son, DH=Darling Husband, DP=Darling Partner, MIL=Mother In Law, SIL=Sister In Law etc...
You also get HV Health Visitor, MW Midwife, BF Breast feeding
Then there's the phrases:
IYSWIM = If you see what I mean
IMO = In my opinion
IME = In My Experience

etc... hope this helps

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