Missing baby

[Janie7]

Hi,

I have just gone back to work after a short maternity leave (necessity rather than choice) and am really missing my ds. At the moment he is being looked after by relatives, so I know he is in good hands, but

...I hate it that I am now told what he has done during the day rather than being there to see it...

...I am pleased that he is happy with his extended family but really sad that he has not missed his mum and worried that he has forgotten me and is happier with granny...

...I regret that during the week I can no longer look after him the way I would like to...

I would love to be able to talk to any working mums who have been through this already or are still struggling with balancing work and family life.

In particular, I would like to know if it ever gets any better and whether working a 4-day week helps?

Did this too with DS1. I remember enjoying his night feed as it gave me time with him . Yes, all you have said rings bells. DS1 was fine - he had a brilliant childminder and never ever cried when I left. It was me who felt awful.

I tried to go part-time but had my request turned down. Do you have a job where a four-day week is possible? I have friends who worked for banks and I know they were really hot on part-time work and that it wasn't a case of doing five days worth in four.

If you can go part-time, give it a go and see if you feel any better. Three days of family time sounds like a reasonable balance and you'll be able to do M&T groups with it being a working day. Hope you work it out.

Janie7, I can remember feeling that way. Can you phone him during your lunch break and listen to him babbling? Can you look at a picture of him quietly in a private place? It will get better and he will definitely not forget his Mummy! I have always worked full-time and ds and I could not be closer. When I first went back I had my parents (who were caring for him until he began Nursery) to write in a notebook anything he did. Don't be embarrassed about asking them lots of questions about exactly what happened when you were at work. Be proud of the money that you are earning to support and provide for ds's needs and remember that you can spend time in the mornings and evenings with him. Can you ask your carers to make sure he has a good daytime nap, so he is wide awake when you get in from work?

Hi, sorry you are finding it hard. i felt it too when I went to work after our first child. My dd now 7, so some tiem ago, but your post did remind me of how hard it was. I worked full time for a year but it really wasnt for me. After some serious discussions with me and dh and a hard look at our finances I went to 3 days. I was lucky that my employer had no problem with that. Have to say that with the saving on nursery fees, and also having some time to cook rather than relying on takeaways a lot, it actually worked out financially fairly similar. The deficit was soon swallowed up and we adjusted. Some peple manage to work full time and maybe they will have some useful suggestions. How long have you been at work for now?

poor you - I am already absolutely DREADING having to go back to work when DD2 is about 4 months, in fact am racking my brains to work out ways not to have to.

WIth DD1 I didn't go back until she was 8 mths so it was that bit easier, however, to answer your question about whether 4days makes it easier I would say definitely YES. It does as you have a day outside of the weekend to spend good time with your baby, go to groups if that's what you are into or just chill together. I would never work 5 days a week again while my kids are little (actually never again full stop if I could get away with it but that's just lazy old me!). 4 days a week also means you have a bit more time to do householdy boring things so that your w/e isn't completely taken up with those and you can have a bit more fun then.

hth and hope you are feeling better soon

Just to say, 4 days a week has saved my life! I work Saturdays too so dh looks after them then, so they go to creche 3 days a week. Having said that, I am due to go back to work soon after having ds3 and I get a bit tearful sometimes at the thought!