How much do you see your baby?

[SenseAndIrritability]

What is your daily routine like? I have just gone back to work and am struggling with being out of the house from 8am to 7pm, with commuting. How much time do you get with your DCs?

That sounds like an awfully long day for you!

I don't know - I know I need to get DH to get her bed about the time I get home, for her sake, but want to cry at the thought of not seeing her. So far, in the excitement of me coming home and chatting to and feeding her, I haven't been able to get her to sleep before 9.30pm - and it's starting to tell on her and me...

Same here SenseandIrritability but I've only been back at work for one week. DD goes off to nursery at 8am and I get home at 6.30pm. The first few nights I would get home just in time to feed her and put her down at 7pm (in theory). She fought sleep and struggled and wriggled until passing out through sheer exhaustion at 9pm. I'm sure she'll get used to it sooner or later though.

Do you work every day? Sounds tough.

I'm afraid so - DH is studying, so I need to be full time...

I am hoping that I can get in a better routine, but I am not sure how realistic it is to expect DD to sleep so soon after I get home. Might be better for her if DH gets her to sleep before I arrive, but she is still breastfeeding and needs a big drink at night to get off to sleep.

I am finding the mornings not great TBH - so busy trying to get her fed and me out of the house, that there is no time to play. For now, anyway...

I think your arrangements sound unsustainable and miserable for everyone, to be honest.

If your baby is not asleep before 9 then (quite apart from possible sleep probs for the baby) you get no evening and life is one long treadmill of work then struggling with a child at home.

I've been working full time for 6 months (my ds is 7 years old!!!) and I can't do it. I am going part time from next week. We will really struggle with money. But to be honest I got to the stage where money took it's proper perspective; through simply being 'used up' by work and my son and domestic stuff, I got really worried about my health and I realised I want my son's memories to have me in them when he thinks about his everyday life in his childhood!

Sorry I'm not able to help with ideas to help really; other than ensure your partner does very much their fair share domestically, and getting a cleaner. I have just cancelled mine but she was great while we had her!

But it's part time for me.

Not nearly enough. I work 11am to 11pm three times a week so I see ds for about an hour in the morning when I'm getting him ready for the cm. I do get lots of days off though so swings and roundabouts. Quite often when I'm on a run of 8am-8pm (that's leaving home at 7am and not getting home til 9pm) I won't see him awake at all for days.

Dh is always telling me off for waking him up trying to give him sneaky kisses and have a little sniff of his hair when I get in from work. I'm on nights this week (11pm - 11am) and I'll only get about an hour with him at bedtimes, but I prefer that to mornings. Much more relaxed, we have fun in the bath and then do stories and a cuddle. So much nicer than the frantic morning dash.

Ah Head Fairy, I used to get a bit cross cross with DH who would come home and wake up DD, when she was almost asleep. NOW I understand how desperate you can be for that cuddle...

Why don't you keep your baby up all evening and let her sleep more during the day?

It's something very settling to have a sleepy cuddle from ds after work. He always goes straight back to sleep anyway.

the worse thing is sitting at work thinking about what he's up to and how much I'd like to be there with him. it's nearly 9 o'clock now, he's been at the cm for almost an hour, they've probably finished breakfast and are on their way to the park

I agree with Anna, why not arrange her daytime routine so that she gets 2 naps in the day and then stays up til 9 so you get some time with her

I have worked full time throughout having my kids - there have been times when I have hated it and if I could have afforded it any other way I would work part time as for me life is constantly chaotic and stressful . What has made it maneageable is that I can at least generally do the morning school run 1/2 the week and get back in time for 6 to pick up from childcare and spend the evening before bed 1/2 the week. My employers were flexible - allowing me to work from home some of the time in order for me to have that. It's worth approaching them if home working would help you out.

I see DD for two hours in the morning as she wakes at about six and then an hour or so in the evening.

I do four days a week and find this makes a HUGE difference. Would tax credits not help plug that shortfall at all?

I work long hours too Sense. DD used to go to bed at 7pm but I now put her down on the late side (8.30ish) and she then sleeps until 8am (which means I can get myself ready before she wakes up). That might not work for you if you need to be out by 8am so I would let her sleep a bit more during the day so she can stay up later in the evening, as others have suggested. I've been back at work 2 months (DD is just over 8 months old) and it has been very very difficult to adjust. The first few weeks were misery and there are still loads of challenges. Make sure you go easy on yourself as (for me anyway) it has been very hard to make the transition and there have been many days when I've just felt like I'm doing a bad job on all fronts. It's tough, and I hope it goes well for you.

I come back at a similar time (leave earlier in the morning) so generally see the children in the evening between about 7ish and 8/8.30 as mine go to bed then.

Think it's harder with babies though. I agree with others. If this is worrying you, move around her routine so she goes to bed later.

I didn't do this with mine when they were tiny because I was just so exhausted after working a full day and dd was so tired after a day of nursery that both of us often ended up falling asleep at the same time!

However, if dh is looking after her, he could just add in an extra nap so that you can spend time with her in the evening if you wish (just watch the time you have with dh too because then you're cutting back on that and you both might find that hard). A lot of our friends did this with their babies (added an extra nap and put them to bed later).

would also look at the possibility of you coming back an hour earlier on one or two of the days if possible?

in your shoes, I'd see if you could get in a bit earlier and leave a bit earlier.

I try and get back by 6.30 at least twice a week and even that extra half an hour makes a huge difference (much more so than an extra half hour at home in the morning).

I've been back FT now for an entire year. DD is 2.3. Luckily we only have a short commute ATM. DD sometimes wakes up as I'm getting dressed and sometimes I have to wake her when it's time to leave. I drop her at nursery just before 8.30am and BF her there, then I'm at work 5 mins later. I pick her up at 4.45 and we are home by 5pm. She goes to bed when I do and we co-sleep, partly as a way to reconnect with her after a day apart.

It's a pain having no time to do anything in the evenings but it's that or not see her..

Thanks all -- I am feeling a bit better now. One of the reasons I posted was that DD was very unsettled and going to bed very late (10pm one night) and i was feeling like the problem was not having her in bed about 7pm. I was feeling VERY selfish for even considering having her up late on a regular basis... BUT it was the first week, and she's better this week. And it sounds like it can be done! DH is doing a sterling job of trying to get her napping more during the day ...

Unfortunately, I am stuck with five days for at least the next few months - but I've decided I do need to have that Big Chat with work...

On the plus side, I really appreciated my weekend with her

I agree with Anna - my DD (17 months) never goes to bed before 9.30 and often as late as 11.

I am about to go back to work (pending final salary negotiations) 2pm-10pm. I will look after her in the mornings while DH goes to work (his work gets quiet over July-August anyway; we will have to work out a nanny or something for the longer term). I will bring her into his office at lunch time and hand her over.

We're aiming to be like seagulls, tag-teaming the parenting.

i do similar hours - not sure how old your dd is but when i went back ds was eight months old, he had been going to bed at 7pm but i moved bedtime back an hour so we had some time at night. thanks to his baby habit of getting up at 5am we had lots more time in the morning than we might've had, i also got away early one night a week (home for 5) and then stayed later past his bedtime one night a week - it's worth thinking about as otherwise so much of the time you're with them is that irritable/sleepy end of day time when neither of you is at your best
it's tough and you have my sympathy but it can be done - ds is happy and thriving. (i'm knackered and fed up but that's a different story - you may find that in the long run your dc are totally fine with your working but it's you who feels you are missing out and that's what precipitates a change)

I'm lucky, as my work are pretty flexible. I have to work an 8 hour day most days (bit of ducking and diving OK), but can start any time between 8-10am and finish between 4-6pm. It makes life much easier. Some days I do an early shift 8-4, so leave house at 7am. On those days, I don't see the kids at all in the morning, but am home by 5pm and do dinner, baths, stories etc. Other days I do late shifts 10-6, in which case I only just make it home in time to do stories and bedtime, but I do get a monring with them - breakfast, school run etc. The flexibility is key (plus a great nanny!).

I have also moved DS's bed time to a slightly later time most days (unless he seems knackered) so I can always be there for his bedtime.

I am lucky in that I have fixed hours. We get baby up at 6.30am so I have an hour with her before I go to work at 7.30am. I go early so I can leave early - I do a full day (full time) then leave work at 5.15 to pick baby up from CM at 5.45. It means I have 1 hour with her and can still stick to her 7pm bedtime. It's tough in that I miss her, but I try not to think about it. If I made her bedtime even 30 minutes later she would be an exhausted wreck, poor thing.

When we had 3 under 4 we used to leaev for work around 8 or 8.30am when the nanny arrived and then get home at 6 or 6.30pm when she left but our arguments were the other way about that she let them sleep too much in the day which made her life easier so it was harder to get them to sleep in the evening at a reasonable time. It helped when I got her to bath them before she left because then they were all ready for bed and calming down and the breastfeed of the baby as soon as I got in was quite relaxed.

Those three babies are now 24/22 and 20 years old and they are great examples of how much good it can do chidlren if mothers work full time when they are babies and how rolling forward 20 + years it was really the right decision.

You also have all your weekends with your baby and holidays and before you nkow it it will be in school anyway and then it will be a teenager not that keen to spend loads of time with parents anyway.