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Original poster

Dont want to go back to work

28 replies

jackieglyn · 24/04/2009 20:15

I am just coming up to finishing my paid maternity leave and not looking forward to going back to work at all.

I have worked all my life but since having the baby i would love to stay at home and look after her.

Can anyone please advise as a rough guide to what moneys I will get?

My partners income is approx £30,000.

What can i claim apart from tax credit?

thanks

OP posts:
Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:42

Child Benefit £20 a week

And because he earns around the £30,000 I dont think theres anything else youll be entitled too.

I never wanted to go bk to wrork after dd. I put it off and shes 14 months now. I finally got a part time job 3 weeks ago and I wouldnt look back.

We get my money each week, Dp's money each week, child tax credits and child benefit. Ive got money to soend on myself for once in over 2 yrs! I felt so upset and really didnt want to leave dd at all. i wanted to be a stay at home mom, but living on DPs money was not going to cut it. So now were better off and I look after someone elses children! 4 infact! But it can be really fun boucing on thier huge trampoline, getting my curves back.

If you decide to go back, realise your dd wont suffer! She will grow to be more independent but still need you. Why dont you just wait a little while longer if you can rely on your DHs income?

Chellesgirl · 24/04/2009 20:43

You do know that if you go back to work aswell, youll get wtc as well as ctc...more money fro some cute shoes and hat for ur dc!

Friendlypizzaeater · 24/04/2009 20:44

Have a here you can play with scenarios

SingingBear · 24/04/2009 20:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

scottishmummy · 24/04/2009 21:04

Govt website tax credits might be useful

BunnyLebowski · 28/04/2009 15:10

Hi jackieglyn - I'm in pretty much the same boat as you and am agonising over what to do for the best too.

I would say that if you know in your heart of hearts that you don't want to go back and if you can make the necessary spending cuts here and there to get by on you dh's salary then go for it.

By my own admission my heart is totally ruling my head on this issue but I keep coming back to the thought that I will never get this time with my dd back and I really don't want to only have evenings and weekends with her

Hope you figure it out.

Mamulik · 01/05/2009 15:49

you can go back work and work part-time

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/05/2009 16:02

I was in the same boat, and DH and I have deicided that we can manage on his salary for now. He is about to take another step up in his career though so soon he will have made up my shortfall, I realise we are very lucky to be in this position.

I feel so much happier, I was really depressed at the thought of leaving DS with someone else 12 hours a day 5 days a week.

BunnyLebowski · 01/05/2009 16:05

I'm hoping to be in your shoes soon Ali.

DP has just had a hefty (9%) pay increase so that makes the possibility of me being a SAHM a wee bit more likely.

We'll have to make lots of cuts but worth it I think. I cry every time I think of dd waking up from her nap and wanting me and me not being there for her . IMO she's just too little not to have me there for her

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/05/2009 17:18

Bunny it's hard isn't it? We have really agonised over this but I was on the verge of being prescribed AD's and the work thing was a huge contributing factor.
I hope you can find a way

fandango75 · 01/05/2009 17:27

i think part time is a good option if your salary is enough to cover (good) childcare.

I think children turn out less spoilt, more sociable, better communicators and more confident if they are with other children from a young age.

I have friends who have been stay at home mums and then gone back after a few years and their point of view is when they returned to the workplace it made them a better parent, wife, sister etc as their life was richer and not soley focused on children. They wished they had gone back sooner.

I will go back 4 days a week when my son is 10 months old and we are sending him to an excellent private nursery and I am aware we are very fortunate to be able to do this. Leaving my child will be hard but i absolutely believe it it the best thing.

Wanting to stay at home is actually for your own benefit not your childs

BunnyLebowski · 01/05/2009 17:50

I really don't think that's true fandango.

My dd is only 7 months and she is already sociable and an excellent communicator! We go to activities almost every day so she plays with plenty of other babies. She has never once made strange with anyone and puts her arms out to almost everyone she meets wanting to go to them!

I admit I'm old-fashioned in my outlook but my DP and I believe it's the right thing for my family for me to look after my dd for those first few formative years of her life!

Also my job just isn't satisfying/well paid enough to merit me going back and putting dd into child-care for 4 days a week (we have no family around to help)

Oh and being a SAHM does not automatically turn you into a bad parent/wife/sister etc who is obsessed with her kids!

To each their own but that's how it's (hopefully) going to work for our family

dustyteddy · 01/05/2009 18:01

I agree with BunnyLebowski

fandango75 · 01/05/2009 18:09

I dont have family here either to help which is why private nursery is best.

I think that when my son is older the idea of SAHM will be even more old fashioned and not something we want him to think of as the norm maybe because we are not british i dont know it just seems strange - we are a team effort and that means with childcare as well as financially.

Both of us are high earners and with us both working we can afford to keep travelling round the world to visit family which is paramount as well as afford a good rounded education

as you say each to their own

glad you have more to talk about - you are a rare SAHM then!

Homebird8 · 01/05/2009 18:51

Have you considered working part time or working from home?

fandango75 · 01/05/2009 18:57

i will be going back to my job where i am a director on a part time basis from October and from next summer (or when the recession calms down!) i will do consultancy only from home 2 days per week

My main point here is to have a balance which is perfectly possibly

violethill · 01/05/2009 21:41

There is no one size fits all - you have to weigh up how interesting/well-paid etc your job is, plus all the other factors. I think fandango makes a very good general point though - that very often, mums want to stay at home because it's what they want to do, not because it's necessarily best for their child. Nothing wrong with that at all - but I think sometimes mothers dress it up as the child needing them, when actually it's more about them wanting to be at home rather than working.

I worked part time when my kids were pre-school and will happily admit that it was for my benefit... I wasn't sure I would cope brilliantly with full time work at that stage,and I also liked the idea of pottering around at home a few days a week. I don't think it made my children turn out any differently though... they loved their couple of days a week at nursery, and no doubt if I'd worked full time they'd have loved it just as much!

Judy1234 · 01/05/2009 23:02

I went back full time when they were about 2 weeks for all 5 and was able to express breastmilk or with the twins have them brought to me. Still managed to spend a lot of time with them and it worked best for us all.

Most important thing you can do to protect your child and yourself if you'r enot married is get married as your rights if you don't work etc are much much worse if you're lving together without that vital marriage cert if things split up as happens with 50% of couples.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 01/05/2009 23:30

Fandango I think it's very possible to have a balance where you are in the position to afford the best childcare and where you will see clear financial benefit to going back and/or you love your job. Sadly none of these apply in my case. I don't really subscribe to your idea about life being one dimensional as a SAHM. Of course it can be if you choose to let it, but returning to work is not the only way to continue being a rounded human being!

I will be re-training once our youngest child is settled into school, and re-entering the workforce for a second, and I hope more fulfilling career.

My son is a happy, socialble outgoing little chap already at 9 months, he plays regularly with other babies and children so I don't feel that he's missing out at all, certainly not while he is so young.

Xenia - at 2 weeks? You have my admiration, I couldn't walk properly for a month!

ponynuts · 30/05/2009 16:02

I think you should definitely stay at home. You can manage on £30,000, and sacrificing a few material items is not half as bad as sacrificing time with your baby, and both of you missing out on vital years of her life. SAHM do fantastic jobs for their children. Tons better than any nursery or child minder could do. Wait until she's at school 'til you go back to work. You won't regret it.
Wish you luck. Hope you make the right decision.

WolframAlpha · 30/05/2009 16:28

Pony that's just not true.

WolframAlpha · 30/05/2009 16:30

To clarify: not all SAHMs do fantastic jobs for their children. There are plenty of children (and mothers) who would be much much much better off in a childcare setting.

It's just not helpful or truthful to make such massive generalisations.

ssd · 30/05/2009 16:31

agree with ponynuts

you don't get the early years back

ever

jellybeans · 31/05/2009 17:42

I agree with Ponynuts too.

Quattrocento · 31/05/2009 17:47

I'm with Xenia on this one.

Going back to work means many things -

  1. You have more money and independence now
  2. You can afford to save for retirement later
  3. You will not be economically vulnerable if your marriage ends in divorce - as almost half of them do
  4. You will have an area of focus outside the home which will keep you interested and interesting
  5. You'll be a good role model to your DD and teach her that women can and should take some financial responsibility
  6. You'll have more protection having two incomes from life's uncertainties (illness, redundancy etc)

You're just suffering from a bit of adjustment - you'll be fine when you get back to work.