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Work

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Original poster

Share your wisdom re going back to work

17 replies

camera · 27/04/2005 08:15

have changed my name for this one as a few people know me not sure what to do wondered if people can share their experiences, am thinking of leaving work and being a SAHM, but worried.I've been back eight weeks and not sure whether it gets easier, plus i miss my little one. Does anyone regret not stopping work?, i think i've really changed since i've had baby but i dont HATE work its just about tolerable.

OP posts:

pixiefish · 27/04/2005 08:20

I wnt back in Sept and hate every minute of it. Due to other reasons I'm going to be quitting this summer so will finish aty the end of this school year. Am soooo looking forward to it

ssd · 27/04/2005 08:21

Camera, 8 weeks isn't very long, give it a bit longer and see how you feel then.

I'm a SAHM and it isn't easy either, it's lonely sometimes esp with a little baby. I miss the company from work and the break from the house.

Try to give yourself a goal, say 3 months and see how you feel then.

Best wishes! ssd xxx

Original poster

camera · 27/04/2005 08:23

thanks, its just so confusing at the moment, and i loved being off work, the other thing is that after we have another i will give up so sort of think wy do it for one and nor another?, but then what if me and DH split up i'll need a job then - so confused, cant sleep forit.

OP posts:

pixiefish · 27/04/2005 08:31

don't think negative thoughts. Is it likely that you and dp will split? No. well stop thinking it then. What ifs are a flippin nuiscance. I know what you mean though cos I sometimes have them Do as ssd suggests and give it another few weeks. You have to work to 13 weeks to pay back any maternity money you had. Decide from there. Could you ask for flexible working? Look at the alternatives before quitting completely. I went back 2 days a week and if my mum hadn't been taken ill I'd continue with 2 days.

TBH it's not too bad working 2 days a week (far better than 5 obviously)

Think about that first

Original poster

camera · 27/04/2005 08:51

thats a good thought re 2 days a week, i could see, no i dont think we will spilt up but you never know i suppose noone plans these things

OP posts:

Twiglett · 27/04/2005 08:57

I went back full-time when DS was 6 months (dropped DS off at childminder at 8 / 8.30, in office by 9 left at 6, picked up DS from childminder at 6.30, 2 hours with him then bed, then I went back to work in office at home)

I must say from the 2nd day I had no problems at all being in work but as the months went by I started to feel as though the childminder was a far better mother, and I would ask her advice, it felt like DS was kind of on loan

So after 10 months I left, thinking if I'm bored in a few months I'll just find another job

That was in June 2002 and I'm still a SAHM and still love it although sometimes living on a budget sucks

baka · 27/04/2005 09:22

I was a SAHM- and stll am, but work from home around the children (we need the cash now ). It doesn't have to be all or nothing iyswim.

FLUM · 27/04/2005 09:31

I'm switching from WM to SAHM. mostly just so I can have more letters in my title. will let you know in coupld of months how it is

i hate work though!

babies/kids are not little very long if you have even a little inclination and financially can afford it. I would say try it. You can always get another job. But you can't bring back your kids baby-dom

beatie · 27/04/2005 10:11

Pixiefish - are you a teacher? I think that is why you would have to go back to work for13 weeks or else pay back your extra maternity leave as teachers get more maternity leave than just statutory. If you just get statutory maternity pay, you don't have to go back to work at all to keep it

Camera - if you think your feelings might change then stick at it and give yourself a few more months to adjust. How many days do you work? Is there a chance of reducing your hours?

I was in the opposite situation ~ I went back to work 2.5 days but didn't miss DD at all whilst at work I knew she was safe and happy and once I got into work-mode, I just didn't have time to think about her. That may have been different if I'd been working more days though.

However, work became very stressful after I went back and employers took it upon themself to increase the workload dramatically as they had taken on my job share for slightly more than 2.5 days. It was such a relief to give up 17 months later as all my stress disappeared. But. it doesn;t sound like you are stressed.

I too said I'd give up work completely when I had baby #2 but I had 2 miscarriages and it took 12 months longer to get and stay pregnant with baby #2 than I had planned. So, factoring in the miscarriages and then the difficulty to conceive helped me make the decision to leave BEFORE I was expecting baby #2.

Perhaps write out a pros and cons list and see which comes out largest.

acnebride · 27/04/2005 10:29

I personally would say that 8 weeks is enough to know that something is not working with your current setup. I spent 2 weeks persuading myself I was happy with the childcare I'd chosen and 1 week getting him out of there. But once I'd got something I was genuinely OK with, and reduced my hours from 20 to 17, and changed my pattern of work from every morning to 2.5 days, I've been really happy with it. As others say, it doesn't have to be all or nothing, unless you want it that way. Options make me feel tired but sometimes there are a few out there.

Gobbledigook · 27/04/2005 10:36

I went back to work after ds1 and lasted about a month before I left. I couldn't stand leaving ds1 in nursery and felt in my heart I should be at home so despite loving my job I gave it up.

I don't regret it for one minute and now am at home with 3 ds's BUT I work freelance for that old employer so keep my hand in and earn some money AND I do have a really good network of friends with same age kids so most days have places to go and things to do. I would imagine that would make quite a difference.

If you don't have this, perhaps working 3 days a week would be a nice balance? Is that possible?

elsmommy · 27/04/2005 12:18

I went back to work when dd was 5 months old. I worked 1 day and I can't put into words how I felt so I quit and haven't looked back since!
Everyday I can spend chilling out with dd-shes only young once and I'm gonna make the best of it!

Donbean · 27/04/2005 12:25

This is so so difficult. I work 2 days and im lucky enough to have circumstances that allow me to not put ds in a nursery etc. MIL has him one afternoon a week and DH has him on the one day i work at weekend.
I have to work, we cant afford for me not to and i dont mind it. I spend every 2 mins looking at the clock wondering what he is doing now without me though.

elsmommy · 27/04/2005 14:47

Could you not do a different job where you could work from home?

muminlondon · 27/04/2005 15:08

I enjoy working in an office 4 days a week but I've only got one child. And it's all work - being a SAHM is work too, and even more so the more children you have. I found it strange for the first month or two but then it got easier, still with hard patches when dd became ill or I had take extra time off for the boiler breaking down, etc. And my house is always a mess. But then again, I can't see how the cleaning would get done as a SAHM either because you'd be cooking and tidying constantly.

beatie · 27/04/2005 15:18

Or in our case - messing the house up more!

bundle · 27/04/2005 15:23

never regretted coming back to work, both times. but it depends on

whether you like your job
balance between home life/work (i work 3 days a week and find it just right)

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