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Original poster

Help - didn't think I would feel like this

26 replies

janx · 18/04/2005 13:31

Hi
I am going back to work in June and am feeling really rubbish about it all. We are still looking for a childminder - have seen a few,but not found the right one. I just can't imagine leaving her with anyone - have been waking up feeling panicky and a bit weepy. I didn' think I would feel as bad as this. My partner is being positive, but I am struggling. I used to love my job and do miss the people. Does everyone go through this?

OP posts:

compo · 18/04/2005 13:33

yes I think so. You have 2 options - you can go back and it probably won't be as bad as you think it will be. Don't forget your dd will be a bit older by then and not so little. Or you can take a full year off - last 6 months unpaid.

morningpaper · 18/04/2005 13:34

Yes I felt like this. DD was 9 months when she went to nursery. I think she was too young and I wasn't ready - I turned up to work crying all the time. Next time I will wait the full year when I think we will both feel better about it.

boobie · 18/04/2005 13:36

Hi Janx,
I feel the same going back May 16th and panicking about feeding, dreading leaving DD and I've found a Nursery but they haven't opened yet so I'm waiting for dates to take her for intro sessions. Like you i do miss work and friends there but i have a knot in my stomach thinking about leaving her all day. Staying home not an option as I'm main earner so feeling under pressure to make it all work.

Original poster

janx · 18/04/2005 13:40

I would love to take another 3 months off, but will have taken 9 months and we are so skint. Dp is self employed and we have already gone well into savings etc - going to have to explore someother options I think - thanks for feedback Compo and morningpaper

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Marina · 18/04/2005 13:40

I cried and cried but the bottom line was I had no choice financially. I also had a job I loved with nice people to return to.
I think how you are feeling is very normal. Have you tried even looking at local nurseries - seeing a different sort of daycare might help you with your decision. Everyone is different but for me the shared setting of a good day nursery made me feel less vulnerable about handing over my children every morning
And it does get better.
Do you have to return for financial reasons janx? If not...take a career sabbatical...or have a rethink. Or would your work consider flexible/compressed/part-time hours from you?

Marina · 18/04/2005 13:40

Cross-posted re your situation janx.

compo · 18/04/2005 13:41

it honestly won't be as bad as you think. My sister was dreading going back so took the whole year off. When she did go back she wondered what all the fuss had been about and wished she'd gone back sooner as they needed the money

Original poster

janx · 18/04/2005 13:42

Hi boobie
God it is hard isn't it. I had a dream that I took dd to work and she played under my desk while I was on the computer - this is my fantasy

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Original poster

janx · 18/04/2005 13:45

Thanks Marina - I am going back part time and that is all we can afford. I will have a look at some nurseries - that is a good idea, might get some perspective on it all

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boobie · 18/04/2005 13:48

Must say i 'm with marina on the Nursery front I feel better knowing that DD is in a larger setting and if I'm honest I'm rather jealous of the thought that she could get too close to a childminder and call her Mam instead. DH doesn't really understand as he doesn't spend all day with her. Perhaps you could check out nurseries, the one I've found is same cost as childminder. As D day draws closer the more I dread it.

KBear · 18/04/2005 13:52

I agree with Marina - check out lots or nurseries and make some appointments to see some childminders. It is partly the fear of the unknown that is making you so upset although I was leaving my kids with my mum and I still got upset leaving them. You will find that once you're back you'll soon adjust and it will be fine but I know the agony you're going through now.

FairyMum · 18/04/2005 13:53

My advice is to think short-term. With DD I told myself I was initially going back for 3 months to see how it worked out for us. If one of us was unhappy after 3 months I'd give up work. Then 3 months turned into 6 months and we were both fine. I have no regrets going back, but it was hard in the beginning. It's of course really important that you are happy with your childcare too!

Original poster

janx · 18/04/2005 21:06

Thank you everyone for taking the time to respond to me - I am going to see a nursery on friday and made some more appointments to see childminders. Once I get the childcare sorted I think I will feel better. Good Luck with your return boobie

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Marina · 19/04/2005 10:19

A really good nursery (or other daycare that you know is right for you and your child) can help a lot with the return to work. Know just how you are both feeling, sending you hugs and good luck vibes.
If it helps any ds was in daycare f/t from six months old and is now nearly six. He's a perfectly ordinary cheeky little boy a lot of the time if you ask me, but we get a LOT of comments from school staff and in his reports about his kind and thoughtful nature, good manners (hmmm, right) and willingness to share and join in with enthusiasm. We are also extremely close as a family - NO question of him ever calling anyone else "mummy".
I am firmly convinced that his progression through nursery has done him no harm at all...and has loads of plus points. I'm trying to say that good daycare won't hurt your children or make them love you less.
Please try not to worry about missing milestones - I promise you won't miss one. We didn't.

boobie · 19/04/2005 21:14

Thanks Janx and same luck to you. I might have to look for Childminder too as the nursery I like (only one in 50 mile radius) hasn't given me an opening date yet and only 4 weeks to go. Let us know how you get on please.

madrush · 19/04/2005 21:24

Hi, I know exactly how you feel and went through it all when dd was 9 months too. We use a nursery and I'd said to myself, she'll cry when I drop her off for at least two weeks, but if no improvement after that I'll give up and stay home. Now (21 months) she skips in with barely a backward glance and I have to coax her away from the toys most evenings. It is really hard, but does get easier and easier.

snowfallinthesahara · 19/04/2005 22:49

hi janx
im exactly in ur shoes now...have to get back to work in june and know just how ure feeling.
looked at some childminders but cant understand how they would be able to give 6 month old ds the constant attention he needs?
i dont know what the best option would be-nursery or childminder?

Original poster

janx · 20/04/2005 21:14

I wish we could all set up a nursery together...I am supposed to be going into work tomorrow to meet new boss and I've come down with a nasty cold - woke uplast night in a cold sweat and ended up in he front room staring out the window for an hour!
Madrush - thanks for reassurance and Marina thanks for good vibes. Boobie and Sfits - am thinking of you both.

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Hermione1 · 20/04/2005 21:16

I think everyone goes through that. how old is your dd?? mine were 4 and 6 and i was very sad about going back to work. Will you be going part time or full time??

Original poster

janx · 21/04/2005 20:46

My dd will be 9 months in June - she still is such a little thing

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Hermione1 · 21/04/2005 20:48

awwwwwww don't really know what to say really. i was lucky enought to be able to go to work once they started school. HOpe you can sort it out. xx

motherofboys · 22/04/2005 11:00

I felt as you did when my DS1 was born. I persuaded my then Boss to let me go back part-time for the first three months. I couldn't face leaving DS1 with a childminder and spent all my wages on a top Nursery. After 3 months I still couldn't face it and felt that working motherhood was just too many compromises for me so resigned. I now have 3 son, the youngest is 4 and have just started working from home.
All I can say from my experience is that i am so glad that I tried - if I hadn't have gone back I would have been for ever wondering whether I should have done so - it is different for everyone, but try it and see?

apsmum · 22/04/2005 14:19

Hi janx, I know exactly what you feel....but its going to be the same, till I guess your dd is a teenager. I am going back to work in June and my son is 3.5 years old...it totally breaks my heart to leave him with someone else...and it dosent help when he says that it makes him tearful and ''very very sad'' when I go to work.
Sometimes wonder if it is worth all the heartache....

bornpessimist · 19/05/2005 12:08

Hi. I too am meant to be returning to work in September when dd2 is almost 9 months old. Am completely dreading it and would love to think of any plan to avoid it. Best advice I guess is to try and say to yourself that if you or babe really unhappy you can rethink. This is what I am saying to myself.

Flum · 19/05/2005 12:10

It will be such a wrench to start with but after a week or so youwill be fine.

try to ease into it gently. ie to childminder one or two mornings a week, before you go back

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