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Original poster

Feel like I am being bullied out of my workplace... Please help me?!

19 replies

Ewe · 02/02/2009 11:35

I work in a sales focussed environment and really feel like a senior member of staff (not line manager) has a problem with me and is trying to bully me out of the company.

I have recently had a meeting that was basically a telling off for taking time off for my DD, have only been back from mat leave for 5 months and on Wednesday I have to effectively pitch to keep my job and swap my day off.

Really need some advice on this, please advise as to what I am supposed to do/who I should speak to.

OP posts:

Original poster

Ewe · 02/02/2009 11:36

Sorry that should have read "pitch to keep my job and swap my day off to do so - despite being told last week that my manager didn't want me swapping my days to cover over things" - didn't preview and realise I had finished mid sentence.

OP posts:

muppetgirl · 02/02/2009 11:38

I would keep a diary (as evidence) of everythign that you feel isn't right with dates, times, what was said, who was invloved and how it made you feel. This will give you concrete evidence that you may need should you need to take things further.

Original poster

Ewe · 02/02/2009 11:39

Thanks muppetgirl.

Also just been told that we have to take annual leave due to physically being unable to get into the office today

OP posts:

muppetgirl · 02/02/2009 11:49

I had a friend who had these sorts of problems after returning frommat leave. She was relocated 3 1/2 hours away from home -each way! - and when she arrived the new office had no knowledge of her coming to work there...

She was advised to keep a log, go back to her contract to see if they can do what they did.

Crap isn't it!

Original poster

Ewe · 02/02/2009 11:51

Really crap I have been there for 3 yrs, bill a decent amount of money - even in this god awful recession - and they still treat me like shit.

OP posts:

Drum · 02/02/2009 11:52

Sorry, not an expert on this, but this looks like a useful link:

www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/work/working-parents-or-parents-to-be/what-can-i-do-when-my-ch ildren-are-sick-html,159,FP.html

If I were in your position I would raise this immediately with my line manager/HR before the meeting and ask for a written explanation of what Wednesday's meeting aims to achieve.

Original poster

Ewe · 02/02/2009 11:54

Thanks, that is helpful Drum. Unfortunately we have no HR manager at present and my line manager is aware of the situation but is in a similar position herself, only option would be CEO really.

OP posts:

Drum · 02/02/2009 14:02

Oh Ewe, that's very tough. I hope that someone will come along with brillaint advice soon.

Drum · 02/02/2009 16:55

Bumping

Original poster

Ewe · 02/02/2009 17:51

Thanks Drum - think I need flowerybeanbag but she is on a break! Damn RL...

OP posts:

Drum · 02/02/2009 18:50

Ewe, this is also handy as it gives the HR angle on things:

www.personneltoday.com/articles/2006/07/05/36199/time-off-to-care-for-dependants.html

I think that your senior member of staff is behaving in a very dodgy manner!

WideWebWitch · 03/02/2009 11:13

Ewe, I agree that you should keep a written record of everything. Do it now, write down everything you can remember, dates, times, exactly what happened. Is there anything you can put in writing now about the recent meeting? If so do it. Make it VERY FACTUAL, so

"I understand that you have an issue with XXxx"

You are entitled to leave to deal with emergency family issues.

Bullying is another matter, I would bring it up with your line manager first. This site might help too, Andrea Adams and again, document EVERYTHING.

Have you been told you have to 'pitch for your job?' in what way?

It strikes me that swapping the day off is a separate matter, it should be a straightforward enoguh request.

Original poster

Ewe · 03/02/2009 15:13

Thanks for that link www, it's really helpful. Feel a bit better about things today, just angry that they are being so rubbish about everything, wrote things down and it is just lots of little issues. I think they would just rather have someone else doing my job who has the job as number one priority.

I have to present to this senior member of staff and one of the board what I have done in the last month and what I plan to do in the next month, if they don't feel I have hit 10 behaviours (non measurable objectives) then they may start me down the disciplinary route. This has come off the back of my time off and the fact the market is tough at the moment.

I did email this person yesterday saying, further to our meeting on Thursday, please outline how you would like me to communicate and manage future absences so there is no confusion moving forward. She came back to me and said, I am speaking to the board as I want to ensure that I treat you fairly, will let you know when they come back to me.

I am happy to swap my day/not swap my day, whatever she wants really, just want a clear message which I haven't been given.

I am going to have a chat with our old HR manager who I am still friends with and see what she suggests. Doesn't help that I have had to take today and yesterday off/working from home due to snow!

OP posts:

notsoclever · 03/02/2009 15:17

Hi Ewe,

It is sad to hear that you feel bullied by a colleague's behaviour - it feels really crap, doesn't it?

There are a few things you could do:

If you feel confident enough, you should tell the senior member of staff how you felt regarding the "telling off". Keep it factual, for example stating that this is the first day off since you returned, and state how his/her behaviour made you feel (" When you said this, I felt that"). Don't expect a resolution, or even an apology, rather do it in the interest of letting them know how they are affecting you.

2.) (and this should come before 1) Discuss the specific situation with your manager. Try to keep it to a single issue (avoid the.."and another thing.."). Tell you boss what you are going to do. Write down what you talked about so you have a record.

The senior member of staff may not realise how you are feeling, and sometimes getting a single example discussed can alert them to the consequences of their behaviour and stop the whole problem from escalating. Simply recording all your concerns may exacerbate your feelings of being bullied without anyone else being aware of how badly it is affecting you.

3.) Try to be clear about situations where you think you are being treated differently from other staff, and consider these differently for those issues which may make you feel bad but are applied equally across the organisation. For example, if the requirement to take annual leave for a "snow-day" is applied to everyone, then try to deal with it differently. It may ultimately weaken a case for action if you are citing examples where the manager is implementing policy (even if you don't like it).

And of course, get professional advice (Union?) if you are going to take it further.

Original poster

Ewe · 03/02/2009 15:43

Thanks notsoclever, those are really useful points too. I am going to speak to my line manager about it on Thurs when I am back in the office, I want an opinion from her to check I am not over reacting. I feel a bit more in control now I have vented so to speak, good old Mumsnet!

One of the problems is that this manager does not believe it is possible to work from home with a child (despite the fact that DP is here too) therefore I have to take the day as annual leave when everyone else will have taken it as working from home and I have done loads of work these past 2 days. Maybe I just should have stopped working?

She doesn't have children herself and I think she thinks it is great having all these days off when my DD is sick, she doesn't seem to realise that work is an infinitely better option than an ill whining baby!

OP posts:

mumof2222222222222222boys · 03/02/2009 16:02

So people without children are allowed to work from home and those with children cannot? Interesting stance, which is almost certainly disriminatory. Assuming you had effective childcare arrangements (DP able to look after child) and you did some work, I would say that was outrageous.

Drum · 03/02/2009 18:29

Good luck tomorrow, Ewe. I hope it all goes well.

Snowybird · 04/02/2009 11:41

Ewe, I am really sorry about this. I was bullied out of my job last year and I really hope it doesn't happen to you.
If they start putting things in writing and asking you to respond, that's a sign that they are trying to construct a case for dismissal. So think really carefully before you say anything and never admit fault otherwise they may use it against you.
Also keep notes of everything they say.
Go on the defensive and keep a very low profile in conversations with others.
Don;t trust HR for a second.
Take legal advice if in doubt.
Good luck!
Snowybird

sobloodystupid · 04/02/2009 11:42

Yes Good luck today Ewe. let us know how it goes. x

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